A sham

I wake and the first thing I do is open my curtains so that I may greet Benedict. But, when I do, I see that his curtains are open and he is not there. He must have risen from bed early, which does not at all seem like him but I do not question it. Everything seems fine, until I walk down the stairs and see that my two hideous sisters are sat chattering at the table, reading a lady whistledown between them. They are giggling and laughing, into I sit down beside them, and then the room goes deadly silent. "And what are you two discussing that is simply not for my ears?"

"Perhaps you should see for yourself." Prudence takes great pleasure in pushing the scandal sheet towards me. I snatch it from her.

I scan over the element that speaks of Colin and Marina, simply because I see my own name appear. Not once, but many times. As I come to realise this entire page is about myself, I grip it a little later and retire to my room so that I may read it without the four beedy eyes of my sisters focused on me. I lie on my bed, staring at the sheet. "It has come to my attention that the sudden engagement of Miss Peaches featherington and Mr Benedict Bridgerton is not quite as romantic as it may first appear. Not only have the pair been sighted entering and leaving the illicit parties that Lord Henry Granville hosts, but it is... oh my!" The paper begins to crumple in my harsh grip. "It... it appears that... what the... I... what?! I... that is not true... that is not true..." I stop reading it out loud, I cannot anymore for I fear that if I do, I shall burst into tears.

Lady whistledown writes of how I have lost my virtue to us, she speculates what else has happened at the parties, and whether the devious situations that Benedict has been involved in have involved me too. Suggesting I am pregnant is one thing, but suggesting I should be in such a state because I have slept with many men, or multiple men, or multiple men simultaneously? It is an outrage and it shall ruin me. There is no doubt on that. She calls our engagement a sham, she calls me things that I do not wish to repeat. I am utterly heartbroken as I read each word, and I am sure that my heart is in my mouth. I look over to the window to see whether Benedict is there and he is, only Anthony is there too and they appear to be having a raucous argument, and Colin is sat on the bed with his head in his hands. Anthony notices my presence and is quick to close the curtains so that I may not see them.

I do not know who to speak to or what I must say or how I shall fix this. It feels as though I shall not ever be able to fix this. I rush to Penelope's room in tears and knock on her door, rapping my knuckles against the wood until she opens it. "P-p-penelope... l-l-lady w-whistle-down..." I can hardly catch my breath as I collapse against her door, crying harder than I have ever cried. "I do not know... what I have done... to anger her so! Oh! Pen! The things that she writes of me... I do not know who should think these things of me so strongly that she should write such vulgar and crude and disgusting things of me! I have never had relations with any man other than Benedict, nor woman for that fact! I suppose that he has, but I am unsure who... who should know of that..."

Pen only stands in front of me, she does not say a word. She only stands with her arms crossed against her chest. I thrust the sheet to her and she does not even take it from my hands.

"Pen, I know that we have argued. And I am sorry for what I said, I only wished to help you and I know I may have been harsh but... I only want what is best for you. You are my sister and I love you. I... I just do not know what I am to do and I do not know how I am to fix it." I sniffle, my hands shaking. I have never felt my hands shake before but they do so now, I am nervous and I am stressed and I do not know how to handle all of these emotions. 'I do not know where this leaves me with Benedict. I do not know what this shall do to our engagement. I do not know who should wish to hurt me so. Someone who knows everything as well, someone who knows all of the details. Oh, it is so awful to know it must be someone close to one of us, or perhaps even multiple people. A spy at the Granville home, perhaps. Or..." I hesitate for a moment as I meet her eyes and she refuses to meet mine. "It is you, is it not? You are lady whistledown?"