Noodling Around

John sat back in his chair and laced his fingers together. "Any questions?"

Bai Hu rubbed the bridge of his nose and said, "Let me get this straight. This is a world without any spiritual energy, divine treasures... or even any supernatural powers. And you are here to not conquer it, not plunder its resources, not even to rule... but to just relax?"

John nodded. "That's right."

Bai Hu gave John a strange look and said, "And the reason for your business isn't to make a profit, but to help some mortals. And not to build karma... but because you just want to help out those weaker than you."

"Mmhm." He paused. "Though it's not really big enough to help that many people yet."

The point of Project MirAIs was to give a chance to those who really needed help, but now that John thought about it, only Rin really checked that box...

Well, that was just a 'setting' anyway. It's not like all the idols had to really have a tragic history.

Bai Hu kept a neutral expression and then said, "And one last thing. This world doesn't have any gods? Immortals? No power-hungry bastards who'd want to try and kill us for our divine authorities?"

"Yep. And if any do show up..."

Alphy and Betty were just starting to unwind. Not only that, but he was arranging things so that Meg and Yue could finally relax as well and they could live together as a normal family.

If some bastard showed up to try and take that peace away from them...

John's eyes flashed a dark green and he said, "Well. They'll learn very quickly why that's a bad idea."

There were plenty of things he had in his Heavenly Realm that he didn't use because he was worried about not being able to head back to Earth if he did. Trump cards that would immediately draw the attention of people if they knew he possessed them.

But if someone tried to mess with the peace that he finally attained-

John shook his head. "Anyway-"

*BANG*

John blinked, caught off-guard at the sudden sound.

Bai Hu leaned over John's desk, his eyes sparkling. "Master John! You have my everlasting loyalty!"

John blinked again.

There was that old saying about leopards not changing their spots, but it seemed like that wasn't true for tigers...?

Qing Long rolled his eyes and adjusted the sleeves of his suits. "Someone's happy about not having to deal with challengers every day."

Bai Hu spun around and crossed his arms. "Like you have any right to talk." He stood up straight and said, "I fought off the people trying to steal my fortune fair and square... Unlike a certain hidden dragon who pretended to be a mortal."

Qing nodded. "True. But that means that I know how to act among mortals *as* a mortal. Unlike a certain crouching tiger who's always ready to jump into a fight..." He shifted his gaze to John and said, "Are you sure you want to leave this cat in charge of our finances- No, in a position of power to begin with, Master John?"

John frowned. "That's true..."

It would definitely be a hassle if that guy blew up at someone. On the other hand, Bai Hu's reputation for handling and growing money was second only to John's... Well, before John captured him, of course.

Bai Hu scoffed. "And didn't Boss just say that your sect collapsed after you disappeared?" He turned to John and pointed his thumb at Qing Long. "You sure you want this spineless snake in charge of our operations?"

Qing Long spluttered and then said, "T-That was one time! And only because I didn't arrange a proper line of succession! I would have if I had more time!"

Bai Hu chuckled. "And a million years wasn't long enough for you?"

"W-Well what about you? Didn't your first auction house collapse in a day because your brokers ran out of funding and got scammed?"

"You...!"

John glanced at the two arguing men and then sighed, rubbing his face.

Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea... After all, the two of them made good points about the other. Not to mention that while the soul contract he forced should give them the necessary information, there was still a huge cultural difference to deal with...

Just as John was reconsidering his decision, he heard an alarm. His phone, vibrating against the desk.

The arguing tiger and dragon froze and then looked at the desk.

"Ah." John grabbed his phone and then said, "Almost forgot. You two shut up for a while."

Bai Hu frowned. "Shut up? What do you-"

John waved his hand and forcibly shut the two up, silencing them with a spell, and then spun his chair around to make a call.

A dial tone. One ring. Two... finally, on the third ring, the person picked up?

"...'ello?" A sleepy and adorable female voice.

John smiled and he said, "Morning Alphy! How's my lovely eldest daughter doing this morning? Papa was worried about you after hearing from Betty yesterday. Are you alright? Do you want Papa to bring you some hot chocolate?"

A super cheesy and smothering response. Like John promised, he called Alphy to embarrass her early in the morning for not calling him first. But...

"...Papa?" Alpha mumbled. "...'s still early..." After saying those words, Alpha let out a tiny yawn.

"Kuh." John flinched and clutched his chest.

That... That was a tangible attack. To think that the Dao of Destruction could convert cuteness in such a way...

Thankfully, it was harmless. It wasn't to the level of killing people from heart attacks or anything... But John had the inkling that live concerts in the future were doing to be... interesting.

"'M tired, Papa... Can I talk later?"

John lowered his hand and then frowned. "Did you stay up late?"

"N-No! I din't stay late reading comments... promise..."

"...One moment, Alphy." John put his phone on mute and then slammed his fist on his desk. Why was Alphy so dang cute?!

A loud bang echoed and the poor table disintegrated from the force of the blow. But before anything could fall to the floor or fly off, John restored it.

"Papa?"

John unmuted his phone and said, "Don't worry, Alphy. I believe you. Get some rest, okay? You might not suffer any physical fatigue, but mental fatigue definitely builds up. Make sure to sleep well, alright?"

"Mmkay... Love you, Papa."

Kuh. Another unexpected attack... But John didn't let it faze him. Smiling bright, he nodded and said, "Love you too, Alphy. Night!"

A soft yawn echoed, and then the line cut off, Alpha hanging up on her end.

John shook his head and sighed. "Alphy really is too cute..." After muttering that, he turned around and said, "Sorry about that- Hm?"

Bai Hu and Qing Long were staring at him like they just saw a monster- No, like they were people seeing an alien for the first time.

"What?"

Bai Hu glanced at the phone and pointed at it. "Who were you talking to?"

"Hm? Oh." John picked up his phone and said, "This is essentially a transmission slip. As to who, it was just my cute daughter." Remembering Alphy's cute sleepy voice brought a wide smile to John's face.

Bai Hu flinched, taking a step back.

Qing Long put a hand on his chin and then stared at John. "I've always heard that the Idiot Savant was a strange character, but to think you had a side like this to you too..."

John slipped his phone in his pocket and then tilted his head. "Hm?"

Qing Long shook his head. "Nothing, Master John. Merely some idle thoughts."

John glanced at the two divine beasts and frowned.

They were really acting strange... but then again, being cooped up in a pok- pocket capsule for so long was bound to drive anyone a bit mad.

John stood up and said, "Anyway... I've gone over the basics. The other information should sink in soon with the soul contract stabilizing, so I'll leave you two to square things away here." He waved his right hand, conjuring a pair of laptops on the table as well as releasing a bit of the two divine beasts's powers. "Don't cause trouble, do your work, and then relax, alright?" He started walking towards the elevator.

Bai Hu blinked and then turned to look at John. "Wait. Relax?"

John pressed the elevator button and then turned around towards the divine beasts. "Right. Relax, get used to the culture and entertainment here... Basically, have fun."

That time, Qing Long blinked. "Fun? Us?"

The elevator chimed and the doors opened. John walked inside and pressed the button for the first floor. After that, he glanced at his new sl- co-workers and said, "I'm counting on you two. Don't screw things up for me while I'm gone."

The doors closed and the elevator started going down.

As it did, John waved his hand, changing into a fancy tailored suit and tie combo.

Now... the interview started at eight, but it was good to arrive early to make a good impression. After that, it was just fielding some questions, doing a bit of advertisement for Project MirAIs, tease Asako's debut stream at the end of the week...

Nothing too difficult.

What could go wrong-

"Goddammit." John facepalmed and said, "I did it again."

-----AI|IA-----

At a park near Kamurocho.

A man with a black ponytail and an eyepatch sat on a swing, idly swaying back in forth while puffing a cigarette. Tucking his hand in his suit pocket, Maji let out a long breath and stared at the blue sky.

A tall man with a shaved head and a bulky green overcoat leaned against the pole of the swing set, his arms crossed and staring at the people moving around the commercial district further down.

And then another man arrived. Wearing a white suit and carrying a grocery bag, he walked over to the other men. Stopping a few paces from both, he rummaged around the bag and tossed a beer to both of them. "Here."

Maji flicked his cigarette away and then grabbed the can before it smacked his face. "...Thanks, Kiri-chan."

Saji caught his and gave a faint smile in return.

Kiri nodded back and then cracked a beer open for himself.

The three men shared a moment in silence, just drinking their beer in peace.

And then Maji leaned back in his swing, staring at the sky. "Boss totally forgot about us, didn't he?"

Kiri sighed and took a sip of his beer. "Seems like it."

Saji frowned and glanced at Maji. "So now what, bro? We settled things, but we're still around..."

Maji laughed and then glanced at the two. "Well, since us dead men are still walking, there's gotta be a reason." He looked at Saji and said, "Got any lingering regrets, bro?"

"Not really." Saji shrugged and said, "You're the only one I've got left here, bro. Though if I do have one..."

"Ooh." Maji grinned and said, "Got a secret lover or something? Fess up!"

Saji laughed and said, "Nothing like that. It's just a shame that you never found a woman to settle down with, bro."

Maji froze and then stared at the ground. "Feh. Spoilsport." He glanced over at Kiri and said, "What about you, Kiri-chan? Any regrets? Lovers you want to reconnect with?"

Saji glanced over and said, "Right... How's Haru-chan? Is she living well?"

Kiri nodded. "She's doing fine. Along with her child."

"Hoh?" Maji leaned forward and said, "Kiri-chan's a grandpa already?" He jumped to his feet and downed his beer before tossing the can to the ground. "We gonna go visit then?"

Kiri started to smile, but then he shook his head. "...That's impossible." He looked at Maji and said, "I don't need to say why, right?"

Maji remembered Yuri and then he sighed, reaching down to pick up his beer can.

Silence.

Saji finished his beer and then glanced at the other two men. "We're dead men walking in a time we don't fit, and Boss doesn't seem too concerned about what we do... So what now?"

More silence. But then Maji shrugged and said, "Wanna open an udon shop?"