I Did Not Choose The Rabbit Life, It Chose Me 1

(Shoutout To Tog_Python For This Snippet Idea) 

Essences Used: Voice Of The World

Have you ever felt like you were given a deal that was just too good to pass up?

You know, one of those deals where they offer you some snake oil that promises to fix all of your issues, both mental and physical?

That's what I was given because, you see, dear viewers, it is an example of an isekai gone wrong and sexual well, less sexual, more bestial. Usually, when people are sent to other worlds and given ridiculous cheats, they are usually sent in as humanoids. Even if they become monsters, it's usually possible to become humans through some method.

For me, though, I spawned in a deep and dark cave as a fucking rabbit.

And no, it is not one of those anthropomorphic animals that can wield small axes or chew through metals and rocks. No, I was not one of those. I was just a regular old rabbit that you would see in a kindergarten class that barely lasted a couple of months before someone misplaced the food.

[Complaining to yourself will not help you.]

Fuck off!

[I am in your head this action is not possible]

Then make it possible and return my dick!

Elaborating on that not only was I sent in as a normal rabbit I was sent in as a rabbit with no gender. I checked, and I am completely genderless. Life is pain.

Sighing to myself while grieving over the loss of my most important organ-

[ You are overplaying the situation. The most important organ in the body is either the heart or the brain.]

This is not the wheel of fucking fortune, you computerized ass! To elaborate on the voice in my head, that is not me losing it. The voice is my skill, Great Sage. And yes, you might think that having a supercomputer in your head is amazing, and it is but don't let the computer hear you say that he's already uppity enough.

[You cannot hide your thoughts from me, so keep complimenting me.]

I will find a way to get my dick back and then kick your ass.

[ I am technically a part of you, so you would be kicking your own ass.]

I despise the fact that he is right. If there was a bright side to this, it's that the cave I was in was covered in monsters from tall bears, walking rabbits, and other nefarious creatures. How might this be a benefit? One may ask it's that thanks to my skill gluttony, I am able to eat corpses and gain some abilities from them.

So I have evolved from rabbit to vulture in mind if not body.

[ Known magicule count is insufficient for evolution.]

I meant that metaphorically you absolute flat dick!

[ I am essentially a supercomputer in your head; I do not have any genitalia.]

*SIIIIIGGGGGHHH*

If anything, having him to talk to has helped me as he can act as a form of defense where he can go into auto battler mode, but that mode for now is just him enhancing my speed and agility to run away from the monsters. This place sucks, but the grind never stops, as the kids say.

Dickhead show me my current skills.

[Affirmative delusional rabbit]

I will eat your children. Just show me them!

[Acknowledged.]

Common Skills: Poison Resistance, Paralysis Resistance, Gale Claw, Stealth Expert, Diamond Skin, Magicule Control, Petrification Resistance, Iron Stomach, Magicule Manipulation (Low), Night Vision, Carrot Dismemberment, Air Dance, Far Sight, Detect Magicules, Magicule Mutation (Low).

Extra Skills: Cuteness Embodiment, Fluffy Charisma, Fluffy Haki, Fluffy Luck, Mental Acceleration/Partitioning, Auto Battle Mode, Chant Annulment,

Unique Skills: Great Sage, Magicule Battery, Skill Creator (Locked By Current Form), Chosen Fluff(Unlocks Fluff Extra Skills), Gluttony.

Blessings: Precognition Immunity, Boredom Immunity, True Dragon Factor Potential.

I have made gains!

[The weakest monster in the Cardinal World would kill you.]

Do not ruin the moment!

Ignoring the supercomputer in my head, I do my daily walk through the Labyrinth of Orcus. Yes, Orcus from Arifuerta, where the kid that could not fight a rabbit or skeleton, goes from zero to edge lord hero. When Great Sage was able to inform me of my location, I was ultimately disappointed as I wasn't able to join the Slime gang in the cardinal world.

Unlike what most Fanfictions would make you want to believe, people would want to join up with the boss that they know would treat them well. That and He or she, depending on the universe, is relatively easy to sway in one direction or another due to their somewhat naive nature in the beginning. I could see it now: a slime and a rabbit ruling over the world!

But no, I'm stuck with this asshole in a labyrinth where a delusional God wants to play 5th dimensional chess with his isekai world. 

A bit delusional? A little bit, but a man's got to have standards, you know, or in this case, a rabbit has to have standards. Thankfully, I have not gone fully into the furry just yet, and I have not felt the need to devour endless carrots and gather endless headpats yet.

Thankfully gluttony has been able to help me with gathering materials as I can simply open my mouth, and a purple vortex appears from it, sucking everything into it, which simultaneously fills my physical stomach and grants me skills as well as items in some kind of spiritual inventory. 

But unlike a certain slime, I did not come with any resistance nor racial skills, so I have no immunity to the elements I'm going to have to deal with the old-fashioned way.

By eating anything I see! 

[The fact that I am a part of you is making me feel sad.]

You are a supercomputer program in my head and have not evolved to have an actual personality. You can't feel sad, you inorganic schmuck!

[ I believe the term principle is paramount in this situation as well. I may be unable to feel the emotion of sadness. The principle is what matters here.]

No, what matters is finding today's meal as I am getting hungry, not your existential emotional development. With that thought, I left the cave. I made using my diamond skin skill to bash a hole into the side of the wall. 

I was tempted to go free the vampire a couple of floors down, but then I realized I couldn't actually talk to people. Anytime I try to talk, it would come out as random chittering and screeches. 

I've been trying to develop some type of telepathy skill using my magicule manipulation, but I have been unsuccessful, and even my fellow rabbits just want to kill me! Oh, the rabbitmanity!

Disappointment aside, I've been here for what I assume is three weeks, as it took time for me to learn how to move as a rabbit. I mean, if you think about it, humans are used to walking on two legs, not four, and not having opposable thumbs does not help. I may be living a furry's wet dream but I am not enjoying it!

Even with my potential, the magicule concentration has been negligible, to say the least. Since this world operates on a normal magic system and not the one from the Cardinal world, the monsters here barely help with my evolution. 

For comparison, think about it like this, these monsters give about a quarter of the XP a weak monster from the Cardinal world would give.

Actually, smaller than a quarter really, but as I crawled my cute ass through the endless tunnels, I found my first prey for the day, a normal wind rabbit or whatever they are called, and as it devoured the flesh of another rabbit, it sees me out of the corner of its eye and jumps into action using his strong legs to slam into the ground causing a small shockwave.

But I had already used air dance to blitz my way into the air, and using gale claw in tandem with diamond skin, I spun my entire body, cutting through the rabbit vertically. So far, using my entire body as a blender has worked out pretty well against the smaller monsters, but these rabbits sometimes come in packs, and as I looked behind me, I saw ten more rushing at me.

Desiring a fair fight, I then use diamond skin and carrot dismemberment to slash at the ground, making clouds of dust flying everywhere. Using my control over my magic signature, I run rinse around the rabbits as they try to kick the dust away, but as they do this, I am jumping at one rabbit and using diamond skin on my teeth with carrot dismemberment. I chew through the flesh with ease.

Do not linger, though, as I constantly use air dance to blitz in and out of the dust clouds, cutting a swath through the rabbit's ranks. As the rabbits wind down, the clouds are then cleared as one remains, and with my entire body coated in blood, my red eyes stare into him, and using fluffy haki, I exert my pressure over the lesser rabbit.

"Kneel before your king!" My presence states with authority as my energy crushes the rabbit, and as I walk towards it, I loom it in the eye as I use a gale claw and cut off its head.

(If any of you guys need a reference for how Gale claw looks, think of how in Pokemon, when they use moves in the show, their hands glow with light, and it allows them to cut through materials.)

Looking to my prey, my rabbit brain is pleased with the amount of flexing I have done to the lower rabbits, and summoning my gluttony Vortex, I devour all 11 rabbits, increasing my magicule count further and further, and while I may still be in E rank, my cute teeth will soon rend the sun with their might!

[Common Skill Gained: Chunni Empowerment]

I hate the fact that you may not be joking.

As I continue my delightful walk through the caves, I hear another group of monsters fighting one another, and using my stealth expert skill, I guide my body to blend in with the walls of the caves. Looking behind the corner, I see a group of wolves fighting those nightmare-fuel bears with giant hands.

I was tempted to call them ursarings like in Pokemon, but even those bears look better than these extra chromosome-looking fucks.

[Your needlessly use of crude language will always continue to astound me.]

If you're expecting Shakespearean literature from me, then you're going to be disappointed for a long time, my friend.

[Are we friends?]

I can feel the sarcasm from this guy, so I refuse to answer.

[I believe the refusal to acknowledge the question shows classic tsundere behavior.]

Okay, that is an unfair assessment! I am only verbally abusive to you and not physically like those crazy bitches! I mean, I'm all for getting the girls, but if the girl is all for slapping my shit at their convenience, I'm not taking that. It's like comparing girls like Asuka to Hestia. There is no competition.

The fact that I'm debating the best waifu with a program in my own head really shows my emotional progress here. But such is the rabbit life.

The fight between the wolves and the bear is going as well as I expected, as while the wolves are numerous, the bears are bigger and more powerful. Their long claws are able to dig deep gashes even into the magically enforced walls of this place, and as the last wolf is picked up by the bear, he gouges out its organs and drinks the blood from the ripped-apart wolf.

And then, as he went to walk away, I took a sigh of relief, which was a mistake as the next moment, he turned his head 180 degrees and looked straight at me, and before I could even say anything, he was already in front of me.

Looking up at him as I shake in well-deserved rabbit fear, I look to Great Sage for help, but all I get is this.

[New Objective: Survive.]

Fuck my life!

(I hope you guys enjoyed this little snippet, but do treat it as complete and utter crack.)