Hiro fucken dies

Hiro yawned, sleeping on the couch. Zerotwo was on top of him, passed out and drooling. Hiro looked at her, fuck that's cute!

Then he had a heart attack and died because of the cuteness.

The end.

...

Hiro smiled and caressed her cheek before sighing and mumbling "Every fucking..." He placed Zerotwo to his side and kissed her head as he said "I'll be right back, you damn cute little..." he clicked his tongue and disappeared.

+++++++++

Shikamaru shouted "Asuma-sensei!" as he made chest compressions and Ino healed Asuma with her medical chakra.

Kakuzu appeared and said "I'll get my bounty."

Suddenly, Asuma's shadow moved and Hiro emerged from the shadow. He came up through the shadow and cracked his neck saying "What a headache..." Kakuzu narrowed his eyes and said "Who are you."

Hiro ignored him and stretched his arms saying "I even had to come in person. I was having a nap with my beautiful wife too..." he sighed and added "What a drag." Shikamaru's mouth twitched and Hiro looked at Kakuzu saying "Scram back to the Mist before I end your existence right here."

Kakuzu just looked at him before moving his hands together. Hiro chuckled "The hard way? It's okay, I like that way too." Kakuzu said "Water style: D-" Hiro moved and shattered the roof under his feet.

He appeared in front of Kakuzu with a crazy grin as he added "It's my favorite way actually." while grabbing Kakuzu's face and smashing him down through the building they were standing on. Hiro snapped his head at Hidan and exhaled smoke through his mouth.

His eyes and horns glowed while his fangs gleamed and he looked like a real demon. He picked up Kakuzu and walked over to Hidan, dragging Kakuzu on the ground as he said "You're the Immortal, yeah?"

Hidan frowned and said "Who are you." Hiro chuckled and said "Shikamaru, tell him who I am." Shikamaru was stunned and blurted out "6th Hokage." Hiro grinned "Exactly." as he blurred and kicked Hidan in the head, separating his head from his neck and blasting it flying in the sky.

Hiro grabbed Kakuzu and spun him from his arms before kicking his back and ripping his arms off, sending him flying away with Hidan's head. Hiro laughed and waved the arms in the air saying "Hey! You forgot your arms... Ah never mind, I'll return them."

The arms straightened out and turned pitch black as Hiro threw them like spears, whistling through the air before stabbing through Kakuzu's legs. Hiro grabbed Hidan's body and took the scythe saying "Thanks for the gift." before ripping the body to shreds and stuffing it in a garbage bag.

He swung the garbage bag around and threw it in another direction.

Hiro laughed and walked back to Asuma with the giant red scythe on his shoulder. He ignored the stunned gazes and touched Asuma's chest, his hand glowed green and he healed Asuma immediately before feeding him an Ultimate Healing potion.

Asuma started coughing up black blood and slowly sat up, making Choji, Shikamaru, and Ino's faces light up with joy. Hiro patted Asuma's shoulder saying "Stop playing dead and return to the village. You know how expensive it is for you to die? More Ryo than you can imagine. First of all, I used extremely rare things on you, another one just now, plus you have 3 kids here. I don't want to comfort them when you die. Plus, your wife! I already have one, okay? I'm not in the business of comforting other women."

The group just started sweating and twitching, they didn't know whether to laugh, be angry, cry, or anything. Was he joking? They felt like he wasn't, but who says that? Shikamaru sighed and said "What a drag..." Hiro gave him a thumbs up saying "Better than that big boobed bimbo, eh?"

He rubbed his chin and crouched saying "Maybe, I should just remove her face from the wall... But then I would be 5th Hokage..." he frowned and mumbled "But the old man was third and then 5th so I'm technically 7th?"

Hiro looked at Shikamaru, who was about ready to cough up blood from this conversation, and said "What do you think, kid. If the old man was 3rd but the 4th died and he was Hokage again, then the Bimbo and then me, doesn't that make me 7th?" Shikamaru sighed and replied "What do you want me to say? Yes? You're technically right."

Hiro snapped his fingers and smirked "Heh. Of course I am. It's decided! That bimbo's face has to go!" Asuma coughed up more blood and Hiro disappeared into his shadow saying "Return to Konoha. I got a face to build!"

They all groaned and Ino complained "Who decided he was Hokage again..." Asuma coughed and said "The Elders." Shikamaru added his own opinion "He might look like he was just spouting nonsense, but he was waiting for an ambush. There were 5 in the bush over there and 4 in the trees. They all left while he was talking. Plus, he did so much for the city already. Without the information, maybe we would've lost someone. Sensei almost had the guy but who knew only one drop of blood would work."

Ino went silent and Choji munched on some chips saying "I think he's pretty funny." Ino punched him saying "I think your face is pretty funny!" Choji said "Hey! You're just saying that cus I'm fat!" Shikamaru's eyes twitched as he said "Let's go, please."

They stopped and helped Asuma up before leaving, going back to the village.

Hiro got back to the village and said "Someone get that fucking bimbo's face off the cliff!" then there was another shout "YOU JUST CALL ME A BIMBO?!" Hiro shouted "Yeah, so what? Go back to classes, Baaaaaaasan." there was an audible teeth grinding sound and then a cough as Kakashi said "Can we please stop, thanks."

A few days later

Shikamaru came back with the rest and asked to go out on a mission to get revenge on Hidan. Hiro allowed him to go and sent Kakashi with him instead of Asuma, ho was still recovering from near death. Hiro threw a box of Cigarettes at Shikamaru before sending him off.

Team 10 left with Kakashi and Hiro laid back, doing absolute nothing.

Hiro went back home and sat on the couch.

Yami crawled over from seemingly no where and said "Ah! Ah!" as he stretched out his arms towards Hiro, who smiled and picked him up and said "Can you talk yet?" Yami said "Yeah!" Hiro was stunned and said "Since when?" Yami said "Ah..." Hiro almost threw the kid across the room, this damn kid was playing with him!

Hiro shook Yami and said "Say 'I love Daddy'" Yami opened his mouth and said "Ah... Dahdah!" Hiro sighed and looked at Yami saying "Soon..." Yami nodded and said "Soon!" Hiro grunted and said "Ah..." Yami giggled and waved his arms saying "Ah!" as he pointed at the toys and Samehada.

Hiro smiled and whistled, bringing Samehada over and putting Yami on Samehada's back as Samehada jumped around and Yami giggled and laughed as Samehada let Yami ride him. Samehada ran around the house barking.

Hiro watched them with a smile as Zerotwo came over and sat down saying "Ready?" Hiro nodded and she turned on the tv to a show called 'Married at First Sight'. Hiro burst out laughing and said "They're so fucking stupid! Gehahahaha!" Zerotwo slapped his hand saying "Shh! Yami!" Yami said "Ah! Fuck!"

Hiro looked at Yami and said "You little-!" Yami giggled and Samehada ran away, Zerotwo grabbed him saying "This is the second time..." Hiro started sweating and shivering as he said "It's alright! He'll forget! Haha!" Yami chimed "Fuck! Fuck! Hihi!"

Zerotwo grabbed him and started beating the shit out of Hiro, who said "Ah! This is domestic abuse! I'm suing!" Zerotwo replied "Good luck!" Hiro just started crying.

Far away

Shikamaru was thinking about how cool Hiro looked when he beat up the two Akatsuki members the other day.