Chapter 131 - Consequences

Hawks hadn't been this jumpy in a long time.

He had to calm the civilians down while hiding his own nervousness, putting on a mask of confidence and pretending to be in control of the situation to prevent things from getting out of hand.

- But you're here with your side-kick, aren't you ?, a woman asked, pointing over her shoulder at Shoto.

Hawks had half turned to look at the teenager who was giving the same speech to the residents of another apartment in the building.

He seemed to take his task to heart, or maybe he was just pretending, knowing that Hawks had no intention of letting him off the hook.

- So why can't we go out?, the housewife ended.

Because we don't want anyone to see the crime scene we're clearing up.

- The vilains might come back, ma'am.

The woman opened her eyes, round as a laying hen's, raised her clasped fingers to her lips as if to kiss them, and shivered of the fear of one who has seen the devil.

Behind her leg, two children no taller than Hawks' knees poked their noses out and looked at him with wide eyes.

Hawks forced himself to qualify.

- Our teams are already securing the perimeter. It's unlikely, but for your safety and (he smiled at the children) theirs, you'd better stay indoors until further notice.

The woman blinked, as if her mind had suddenly returned to her body, and looked in surprise at the two children who were tugging at her skirt, smiling at her like little conspirators.

Hawks softened for a second as he looked at them, before resuming his confident Hero demeanour.

- Yes, yes, of course, the woman murmured.

She smiled at him and nodded three times.

They exchanged brief goodbyes and Hawks walked to the last door in the middle of the corridor.

Shoto, who had just finished on his side, joined him on the doormat.

- I could start on the first floor, he said. To save us time.

- No

There wasn't even anything to think about.

The whole mess Hawks was in was because he'd stupidly thought he could trust the kid.

After all, he'd stopped a giant from destroying Tokyo: Hawks thought he could take on a few guys with guns without needing a guardian.

But no, he was just an unconscious, immature kid.

Hawks already regretted having agreed to take him under his wing.

Shoto didn't answer and the door opened in front of them.

Hawks smiled at the forty-year-old man standing before them and continued his little speech mechanically.

In his ears, the sound of the storm drowned out the sound of his own voice and almost the sound of his anger.

*

So far, no one had found the head.

Hawks had told me in a brutal, almost detached way, but the hostility in his eyes hadn't escaped me.

Even the twenty or so clones I'd diverted from my final project to scour the city and its environs had found nothing.

Perhaps the friction had been so great that the head had literally disintegrated in mid-air, layer by layer, and all that remained was an unidentifiable skull, lost in I don't know which forest.

I exhaled heavily and ran trembling fingers through my hair.

Even I can't believe it.

My recklessness - my damned foolishness - had brought this sword of Damocles over my head.

I had only myself to blame.

Funny how I'd always blamed the circumstances of my life.

All my life I'd spent reacting, being attacked, staying passive, defending myself by justifying the violence and intensity of my reactions with 'they started it'.

I didn't need to kill the mercenary. I could have immobilised him. I could have.

Maybe I wasn't really to be pitied.

Maybe everything that happened to me was my fault.

Maybe I deserved it.

I looked outside where Commission officers in black mackintoshes were running around in the pouring rain trying to make up for my fucking mistake.

I watched them from the armoured van that Hawks had forbidden me to leave, following one or two of them as they ran from one end of the street to the other, the rain falling around them like bullets, their boots hitting the puddles and sending sprays of water in all directions.

My mind wandered.

I thought back to my arrival at Yuei a few months before.

My childish desires.

I thought back to deku, to the stupid energy and time I'd given him in my longing to 'become the protagonist of my story'.

I thought back to my irrational fear that no matter what I said or did, no matter if I crossed the point of no return, the world would return to its original trajectory, preventing it from becoming what it should have been - a world where I was just a minor character who couldn't escape his fate.

I thought back to that visceral fear, that nameless terror I'd felt, wondering 'does this mean that everything I've experienced means nothing ?'.

Touya, Mizuki, Kenzei...

Avoiding drowning, avoiding burning, killing to survive, killing, killing, killing.

The worry and the anguish, the terror and the race against time to get stronger faster so I could survive the next time.

The next attempt on my life, the next time I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But there would be no next time - the 'next time' was me.

Mina Ashido was dead, Denki Kaminari was dead, I'd killed Muscular, Twice, Mister Compress, Moonfish, Mustard.

The only effect of my will to live my life the way I wanted to was the sowing of chaos and death.

The big bad wolf of the series is in exile thanks to me, so maybe it's not all bad.

All for One was different. The world was different. I was different.

I had gone from passive to active, from observer to actor.

I was the one in control of my life, not some damned fate that was going to put everything back on track.

I was the one who was forging my future, the one who would keep moving forward, always and forever, no matter what happened.

So why do I feel like everything is slipping away from me ?

The question floated in the back of my mind as, unable to answer it, I continued to stare out at the flood of the outside world, life continuing to flow around me like a quiet river without reaching me.

I should have been out there with the others... doing something, anything, as long as it made sense.

But every time I imagined myself on the street, surrounded by all those people who'd put their hopes on my shoulders, all I saw was a lost teenager with flailing arms who'd never learned how to deal with anything but himself.

What was I supposed to do?

After all, I'm no hero.

*

Author's note :

Will be out of my country for a while - I hope I'll get access to wifi where I'll be staying to at least update as scheduled, but I won't promise much.

If I can't, I'll try to upload in a bulk once a week or something.

Anyway, tell me what you thought about the chapter or anything else you want in the comments.

If you want to support the story, then go check out our P@treon, Nar_cisseENG where you can read up to 27 chapters ahead of schedule.

See you in the next update everyone !