CHASING the Past shouldn't be Forgotten

"GOOD AFTERNOON, GOOD AFTERNOON GOOD AFTERNOON!" George is really a showman. I bet if he is the MC in my former school events it won't be boring. I just wished he was my classmate before he might be the best among those people I know. Speaking of the best people I know who is good at being a Master of Ceremony is also my Philosophy & Religion teacher, Sir Gerard and oh my oh so former English teacher, Sir Spade. It was a mistake having him in my life. We once dated and had a night of passion. It wasn't a night of passion really. I used to call it that way. He introduced me to BDSM which later on I hated my decisions. Having something to hide was fun, I was a teenager back then. Those sweet words of appreciation, like you look pretty everyday that my breath hitches every time he say those whispering on my ear when he has a chance. My hormones probably go rising up and down uncontrollably at that time. Also, with me hating almost all people around me teasing me of being quite fatty. It gave me a feeling that I have someone out there looking out for me even though this kind of attention is thrilling. But now I hate the memory of it. I wanted to delete my past self because of it. Spade is also a type of person who can also brought you flowers, write you sweet poems that your mind even wouldn't known he's dirty minded as hell. He's into Shakespearean works he often give me compliments like Shakespeare before he left the school. It's his decision to leave.And I'm glad he did.We're not officially together which we made an agreement for it. Him leaving exactly at the time I had new friends feels like a part was taken but brought another piece of a puzzle that would probably fill the void in my empty heart.Sir Gerard's sass absolutely makes me shiver and after the night in his bed in that retreat without doing anything but to cuddle. It's hard to admit that I like everything about it. It feels so right, yet I feel so wrong. It makes me feel unholy. I remember that night he also kissed me on the forehead and hummed me to sleep. The comfort of his warm body made me sleep that night and it took me a few months to stop the habit of embracing a pillow, sheet and teddy bear to be gone. My mom always questions me what about it and I always said I'm comfortable with that. If I could touch Sir Gerard like that again, skin to skin, him on to mine and mine into him I'd risk it all and a simple comforting kiss on the forehead would make me complete every night. Every memory of him are coming back to my mind right now, his breath, his touch, his sigh, his scent makes a fire under my nose, not literally tho. My memories about Gerard is still present on my mind rather than Sir Spade and Sir Dave. I mean, Gerard is the last.Sir Dave accepted me being a child who doesn't know what she is doing if it is lusty or not he still holds my hand not judging about what I do. I was so little, he knew what's going on with me and Sir Spade that he warned me to stay away from Sir Spade but as far as my memory can remember he warned me very late. I think he did it on December of the seventh grade where it is only three months left. I was already tied up with a contract I never read. I still don't understand why he would want me to stay away from Spade.He is the one I hate calling him Daddy that I usually call him sir. My classmates call him Daddy because he's our adviser but for me it is uncomfortable. I couldn't explain the feeling. He told me he understand why and I think he's talking about Sir Spade.Sir Gerard was the only one among those three that I can be at least be happy with the memory. It was more than me being a female with him and him being a man, It is the unclear connection with our souls."Hey. It's your turn on the stage" George gave me the microphone and I was back to reality from reminiscing some bad and good experiences from the past. I wet my lips and went in front where George set up a stage. I was taken back by howling people in front of me, I can feel my nervousness starting to crawl from my feet upwards and if this will continue I might not be able to speak something."Whoo. Go. Marie! You can do it!" Smith cheered me from the counter. I feel like my heart was reassured from that moment. Someone is supporting me telling my nervousness not to break my strong hard walls."Hello everyone!" I greeted through the microphone. My voice echoed in the shop and they screamed including Smith whose attending to the needs of George customers. Again that made me feel so confident. I don't understand why but the presence of him was like Sir Gerard's but more different it was like something more."How are you today?" tons of crowd in the shop that made me surprised at how many people know me and wants to know me. I felt loved. All of them were answered fine, okay or something similar to that."You really did go here for me?" and I hear yes from them."Awww," I said. From that moment I feel so important. That I started off telling my name and where I'm from, I joked about I won't tell them an exact address which they laughed and I just said my city. I also told them about my books but not the plot. That would be gruesome.Minutes, went by and George comeback hosting again telling them that people will be asking to me. And I nodded telling him it's okay. He put a chair in the middle of the mini stage. I just stood up, later on, will take a seat if I want to."So who's gonna question first," he asked a lot of people raised their hand. He got down and he picked among those who are in the middle. A sexy, sexier than me blonde girl."Hi! I'm Jamie," she tells me happily as George saying excuse me to the other people who sat in the prepared carpeted floor that I'm sure he just made it fast because we saw him hammering some things."Uh hi! Miss Jamie!""My question is are you going to the SPN convention?" she smiles and I can see from her eyes that she's hoping."Yes. I am." I said that because I am really going to that."Oh how about Sherlock Convention?" she added."Yes. I will. I'll be staying in London for two weeks." I said shortly no more no less."Thank you!" she squealed."Next?" he moves forward to the front. It was a guy. "So Mam? Can I ask have you met the SPN and Sherlock casts in person around here... Like sightings or what.""No, I haven't yet. I guess they are hiding from me. Chuck interferes. Sherlock thinks I'm his next Irene Adler tougher one though."

The lad sat back and just then I noticed Smith is on a table with is a phone and a microphone to his mouth.

"Hello Marie," he spoke I gave him a bitch face while the other people in the room look where the voice is coming I help them. Some of their eyes widened."Hey. Smith. What are you doing here?" looking at him helping my friends find where he is."And looks like something different huh." half of his hair is tied on the back and highlighted now with red wax and he's wearing some weird goofy glasses where there are letters above I love you which for me I can say it's cute. H e's wearing some bee with spring attached to his headband on his head and he wore a red polo shirt and ripped jeans. "You looked weird." some of the people in the crowd had their all eyes on him. I can hear some murmur. He looked like Misha now. Is that Misha? I frowned."I'm cosplaying as Misha!" he exclaimed as my fans cheered in joy I face palm. Fuck."That's not what Misha looks like," I said."But I did this an effort." he made a disappointed voice. He sighed in front of his microphone. "Come on Marie. Are you just gonna slump my effort?" He flutters his eyelashes are so-perfect."Okay fine.""No. I'm not waiting for a reply to this" he pointed on the letters on his eyeglasses "I love you""Okay. I hmm hmm" I muffled trying to sound like I hate you like what Jensen did to Misha on a gag reel. People laughed at what I did."Come on I didn't hear it. But I know you want to say it.""I" mouthed hate you through the mic and act like it's not working. My fan and friends laughed at what I do. While he pouted."Fine. Okay. I'll just ask you the questions that were sent to me and the page a few moments ago or rather yesterday. Minutes before." he mumbled through the mic. "What's wrong with you guys?! You're already here and still why are you keep sending stop!" he panicked and chuckled. I couldn't paint his expression. All in the crowd chuckled."Okay... Turn of the free wifi... Smith turn it off.." he said still in microphone that people laughed again."So. 1st question from Dan, If you were to write an ending for Kripe's supernatural, how would you end it?""Phew," I said. "That is really a tough question. But I guess when I ask the one who did the plot for the past seasons to enter the supernatural world as a new character that would be the end season of supernatural" some of the people laughed I quickly added "but I guess the younger roles will take over from a minor character to a major character in somewhat way like Winchesters are lost or they are both I hell or something" I said regretfully thinking about those ideas. "but I don't know until I read all the scripts I mean the scripts are the key how to end it well.""It's done right?""Yes. Unfortunately.""Question 2 from SherlieMorstan-""-I can sense Sherlockian question" a person shouted "whoho" "That's you aren't you?""Yes," she replied. "Sherlock Forever!""Come one sending question. Sending a question even if you're here?" Smith said. I laughed. "Yeah.""Notice me senpai!""Come here. Young lady." She quickly stood up and come near me and hugged me when she reached me hugging me tightly the crowd screams. I can't help myself to notice her boobs are quite bigger than mine that we looked like a stick and a marshmallow with her boobs. She shrieked. "I'm so inspired by your stories, Miss Marie." She pulled out of the hug. "And god. Your sherlock fanfiction is awesome!" She hugged me again."Thank you. Thank you!" I replied back."Hey. Hey. Hey." Smith pointed out with his voice on the microphone. They looked at him and I am still hugging her. I looked at him and I turn her to my side still hugging her."What?!" I responded still hugging her cause she's still hugging me."Stop that hugging. Thing." He said pissed. I laughed."Why?" I said hugging her tight since the microphone was still in my hand that Miss SherlieMorstan put down her head and spoke."Are you jealous?" The crowed laughed and cheered."If you were to choose between Sherlock and Mycroft to be your partner in your case... Who would you choose and why?" He proceeded to the question that the people inside voiced in disappointment, deep inside I am also disappointed. I don't know why.I didn't think of my answers here. Right now."Mycroft. I love Sherlock but uh. Mycroft has on of the most brilliant mind and he has connections. It'll be easier to catch the suspect, killer or whatever." She pulled away from the hug."I also have another question." She said."Well you sure do have alot of questions." I said jokingly. What is it?" then place the microphone near to her mouth."Are you guys dating?" I frown."Who?""You and the one who cosplay, Misha." I frowned and looked at Smith. He made a playful grin and the crowd was mad."No." "Yes." We said at the same time."No. Don't listen to him. I just met him yesterday.""Oh. Yesterday was pretty enough to be a thing." He said playfully."Smith.""Umm. If not..." I put back the microphone near to her. "Are you into boyfriends or girlfriends?" I raised my eyebrow and she is blushing. Seriously? I mean. I consider either girl or boy. I don't care as long as that the person loves me and I love him/her, attached to God, pleasant personality and good person I might fall."Either of the two. I might consider." She smiled.The question went on and on until there's a question that made me think twice, no not more than twice."Some of your stories are nearly out of context. I just noticed but... I do not mean to fight with you, Mam. Are you falling out of fandom?" my eyes widened but I do not let them noticed it looking at the ceiling and then down to the floor.Don't tell the truth, Marie.It'll be the death of you.They wouldn't understand. My inner mean girl talked to me telling all the possibilities that might happen."No. I'm not. I'm just busy applying for a job and I found another show to fangirl too." I smiled outside but the insides of me are broken, shattered. I don't know why that's the feeling. And I start telling shows that I know that they didn't know because it's from my native land. I feel so horrible. I hate myself right now.You're a fuckin liar, Marie.You're a liar.You lied again.You're going to hell.All after the questions, the jamming session for two hours and some brought photos of mine and different fandoms photos asking me to sign it all and it's finally going home time. But this never feels like home. My family was in the Philippines while I stayed here. We cleaned the shop with help from some fans who stayed who's taking a photo with me. Helping me out. I thank them and they left."Still up for a pub," said George to me and Smith. I looked outside it's already dark, it's already night. I checked my phone it's around 6:30 pm."Nope. Let's just drink inside my room." I said. George is leaving so it's just me and Smith then."No. I got liquor inside my room already. We don't need to buy outside." Smith abruptly told me. He handed me a pill and he asked me to intake it in case we'll have a Good time. But I did drink it I kept it inside my pocket. I drink a few liquors back home. So I'll get used to this. But my alcohol intake is very low I get easily drunk. We got inside his "VIP ROOM" locked the door and in the living room of Smith, where we set the lighting only near the door and we set the light low and I nodded while I opened the curtains looking outside that were filled with lights and I can see the London's eye and the bridge and we came back sitting on his white couch."You have some drink in the house?""Yes." he sat tired so I decided to get the liquor on his refrigerator on the kitchen. The words of my mother came ringing on my mind but it feels good to disobey at times. I opened two cool beers one for me and for him."So. Are you gonna take the pill?" Smith asked looking at me. I remembered George asking me to drink it."I'll drink it," I said as I rushed to the kitchen and intake it and pushed it down with water."Well you did drink that." he laughed still looking at me amused at what I did."I don't want to get back home pregnant if were not be able to control ourselves." I'm fucking thinking in advance. I blushed. Thinking about it. Erase. Erase.You really got some filthy mind, are you. I could recall Sir Spade with his words."Plus I won't lose anything if I'll drink it and nothing happen between us."I said giving the same amused tone he used earlier.I bit my lip. And I looked at him. "So. You got... You know... Umm... The thing..." I stuttered."Yes. He also gave protection to me. Just in the case again." he said drinking a beer and pulling it out of his pockets I saw the sachet. Fucking strawberry. He waved it and put it on the table. "He said practice safe sex." he laughed. I chugged the beer from the table which is mine."Oh god," I whispered. "I can't believe in this twenty-seventh year of my life I'll be doing this.""Are he even sure that we're going to fuck?" he chuckled. "You?""Me? I don't know. We might lost our control." I sighed. As I walk to the kitchen and get more beer and get it's opener. He looked at me when I come down and I put what I'm holding down on the table. I sat beside him on the right. As I can feel he's staring at me."And if that happens?" He said drinking the last drop of his beer and opening another on on the table."I think I might pray before and after." I laughed. "Carnal desires are the best and the worst sin a person can feel." He nodded."Yes." He said. "Carnal Desires." he sighed. I just noticed that the music is very familiar to me. Take me to Church I can tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife."Daymn." I reacted to the music."What's with that reaction?" Asking me innocently and he drunk some more. I grinned. I told him it was a good music that I know. Especially when writing a fan fiction or original book with some steamy scenes, like making love or having sex. I mean making love is different from having sex, I mean duh. Having sex is just fucking while making love is fucking with love, with emotions. People don't know I get to write with those scenes with music and I'm just alone I made a playlist for it. Be being me I want to be organized as much I was influenced by my former friend now she's a animator in Disney."So who's your Daddy?" He suddenly asks in the thin air. Daddy? Fuck. My thoughts are unfiltered."Oh. My " Daddy" or Sir?""Whatever you call him in the bedroom.""I have three.""So you like having three working on you?" His eyebrows frown at the thought and he looked surprised at me. I wonder what's on his mind right now."Well.... misinterpreted what I've said." I sighed. "I met them different times. I mean timeline." Yes. I met them different year."Was that a sexual relationship?""One of them turns out teasing.""Tell me their names so that we can possibly have a lead in your case. I'll tell our investigator for that." He said "I figured out you're best to talk to when you're drunk." Chuckling as he sets his phone on the sound record, recording be everything I'll say."Sir Spade turns out he's just teasing me." I said. "Teasing me with words. Words that could take a fragile lass down." I can't contain a moan."Sir Dave. He's the one I can't call as Daddy. I liked him he accepted me for my sins and I like him. His not disgusted to me.""And last one, the very last one and very memorable one. Sir Gerald." I felt the effect of the beer on me the rush of blood and rush because of humiliation of exposing my secret to a person. "Gerald is a former seminarian. I think... I don't know. He's like the combination of the two. But a combination of good Sir Spade and good Sir Dave." Yes. He's more than that. He's a good boy but a bad boy."I'll turn off the sound recorder.""Okay." He turn it off."You may continue.""Uh..." I bit my lip trying to remember what I was saying."Gerald.""Oh. Yes. Gerald was a kind of tease... But his very presence reminds me to stop fanticizing someone like him." I licked my lips. "I always looked at him as a priest even though he's not. Well God, please forgive me." I exclaimed. He tapped my shoulders and he smiled. Oh. Gosh."I adore people. I don't have a crush ever since. I adore people. I'm willing to bow down on him and be his fucking slave." I clench my jaw and spoke. "I feel like I want to worship that person forever. Do what ever he want. " I breathe."But do you even like it?" He played some music on his Spotify. "Just to not be awkward between the two of us." He cleared his throat and put down his phone on the table"It's fine okay." The music was very unfamiliar."So the answer for you question is I enjoy it ... Is no." I stuttered. "No. But Yes." I stuttered again with yes and no. I feel like I want it but I don't."I want it but I don't." I finally said. "Contradicting but that's the truth. You see I'm used to follow rules. No strings attached to people whom I know who won't be there forever." I said breathing out the scent of the beer. "Oh. Fuck. Do you know this is how I feel whenever I watch Misha being Castiel or just being him. And even Jared." I looked at him and remembered he don't know it. "Well. I'm gonna tell it even you don't know." I said. "Well good gracious watching him was like I'm repeating my sins over and over. But I feel so good. I mean I have control unlike others but goodness he's so perfect. The feeling keeps me empty. And gosh. Jared. Jared reminds me I'm sinning. Fantizing about a man who is married. I want to confess my sins in front of him and kneel." I breathe out while he drinks another beer, chugging it fast."Look how sinful I am." I laughed as heat turns my body. All I can hear is Every breath you take which is very classy and I like it so much but right now it felt different but I just enjoyed it."Yes. You're indeed. Sinful." With his deep voice he got near to me. And all I know is that his soft lips that I tasted him and tasted the beer he just drink earlier and his lips is all I know is on mine with his hand on my head like he was patting me and telling me I was forgiven on my sins. He pulled me on his lap, his lap is in between my legs. His hand on my head run smooth to the curve of hips caressing my imperfect figure, that I don't like which is apple figure but his hand made me so perfect like an hourglass body. Pulling me again close to him again with my head for a kiss I touched his toned chest with his red polo. I moaned. He kissed my lower lip. I responded to him and he suddenly pulled away from me.Fuck. Did we just kissed?Of course we did. Duh. I responded to my own thoughts, my conscience."I'm sorry." He said I saw a guilt in his eyes. I place a kiss back on his lips this one a short and sweet."Oh whoever who is in heaven." He stopped and looked at me. "Forgive me for I'm about to sin." He said and laughed."Oh for Chuck's sake." I muttered and laugh about the idea of SPN chuck is what I've said. This is weird."No. Sex." He promised. "But I want to show you how worthy you are to be loved and not just to be taken as a slave." He placed a light kiss on my forehead. "I won't make love and have sex with you I don't want to take your virginity without consent. I don't know how to express it. I just want you to feel you're loved. You're not a slut. You're a human. Needed to be loved." His blue eyes was like deep like an ocean comforting me. Castiel."Misha." I muttered his eyes widened."Still thinking about him while looking at me huh." He chuckled as he put his hand on top of my legs rubbing his thumbs on the fabric of my jeans. I laughed he's looking on his right thumb rubbing my thigh in circular motion."Well you can't stop touching me." I tease him. I laughed."You can call me that if you'd like." He said. "Just for tonight until we both sleep tight.""But you really can't resist me without touching me." I tease him again it seems like what I've said earlier didn't sink into him. "Right, Misha?" I said that made him look at my eyes. He stopped for a moment and he smiled as if he's flirting with me. Still I'm clutching his polo on my hand like I was begging and asking for more and everything in front of me looks like a sin."Yeah. Misha." His smile grew brighter "I can't resist." He said almost a whisper. He pulled me again into a kiss that felt like a fireworks, dangerous yet beautiful. I don't fully know this man but all people in a person's life are strangers we just know them partially. We don't know all the details of them. He peppered kisses on my neck, worshipping me like I was worth it. I pushed him back and return to where I am earlier and his eyes widened confused. I laughed."If you'd like me to stop this" he whispered and place a kiss again on my forehead, "please say it." I looked at his blue ocean like eyes, he's eyes looks like pleading to me not to say "stop"."Why would I ask you to stop?" I said. "It's just a kiss." I remove my hand that clutches his shirt and placed both of my hands on his cheeks and I rubbed my thumbs on it. He just stared to me like a worshipper worships his goddess. He gripped me on my hips and he put me back to my seat.We drunk some more and we end up very dizzy but heat poured between us and that we end up stripping our clothes off to each other and we end up in his bedroom.