333— She's Gone

Li Chuanmo's hand that was stroking her hair didn't pause as he asked, "To what?"

"To running to you to solve all my problems. You're not my nanny. I can take care of myself." Pei Yueran said ruefully.

Li Chuanmo knew that this was not the time to tell her that she had not run to him to solve any problem yet and that whenever she decided to do so, that he would be happy to take care of all her problems, so he settled for saying,

"I'm here for you Ran, anytime. I'm not your nanny, but I'm more than that. I'm your husband, your closest person. Plainly speaking, your problems are my problems too."

Pei Yueran murmured, "You're too good to me."

"And you're too good for me," Li Chuanmo said sincerely. It was his honest opinion. He couldn't count how many times he had thought of this in secret. Whatever he did to meet Pei Yueran, it was due to an accumulation of countless lifetimes of good fortune.

Pei Yueran lifted her face and stared into his eyes, her own eyes shining with love and gratitude. She always loved to look at his eyes. Up close, they usually looked like hazel-colored gems with zero impurities.

But today, they were surrounded on all sides by an offensive red color that made him look vulnerable, reminding Pei Yueran abruptly of why she came looking for him in the first place and what she noticed earlier.

"Chuan, are you okay? What happened?" She asked in concern.

Li Chuanmo, who had forgotten about the matter that put him in a melancholic mood after seeing his beloved, got reminded of it again and his mood plummeted. He rested against his mahogany desk and adjusted his cufflinks.

After a brief period of silence, he spoke in a low voice.

"The hospital called. She's gone."

Pei Yueran's mind worked quickly as she tried to piece the cryptic information together. When it dawned on her, her eyes widened, "You mean—"

Seeing him nod, she paused, then gathered him back into her embrace in an effort to comfort him. She stroked his broad back in a regular motion while he held her tightly.

When Li Chuanmo spoke, his voice was even lower and sounded quite pitiful, making her heart clench.

"Gong Anwei called to inform me while I was in the meeting that she was in a critical condition. I insisted on finishing the meeting, and by the time I got there, she had passed."

The fact that he sounded a bit lost made her want to cry.

He continued, "I don't know why I feel this way Ran. I thought I had no feelings left for her, so why am I feeling so...disturbed?"

He had thought that she didn't matter to him. He had put all thoughts about her out if his mind and concentrated on living well with his real family. It wasn't even as if he had any lingering memories left of her, so why did his chest ache so much?

"Maybe I should have at least gone to see her once. Maybe I should have tried to have her explain why." Maybe it would have resolved his resentment and the other nameless feeling in his heart.

Now there was that bit of regret he could not shake off. If he had hurried to the hospital immediately, would he had met her alive? If he had gone to see her even once, would things have been different?

Feeling like she didn't have the right words, Pei Yueran said nothing, only hugging him tighter. Li Chuanmo too pressed her into his arms so hard that he could feel her heart as it beat steadily. He focused on the sensation as he tried to pull himself together.

It was only in her arms that he could reveal his truest and deepest emotions freely. Even Gong Anwei didn't realize how badly he was hit by the news. To Gong Anwei who drove him home, he just looked colder and was more silent than usual. Even the butler just felt that he looked strange, but couldn't pinpoint the reason.

"When I got there, the doctor was just leaving. The nurse pulled the covers down and I saw her face. She was almost unrecognizable — she looked so pale and gaunt.

"I wanted to scream at her. Where was her lover? Where was her new family? I wanted to ask her if she abandoned me only to end up like this, but it would have been useless, so I didn't say anything." He recounted in that voice that made Pei Yueran want to cry.

His aunt had begun shouting at him as soon as he entered the ward, calling him an ungrateful and heartless b*st*rd and saying that it was all his fault that her sister died early. She almost pounced on him, but fortunately, the nurse reacted quickly and held her back.

She then sat in the floor, holding her chest an wailing, all the while recounting how her sister longed to see her only son and blaming him for only coming after she died. The nurse was helpless to stop her tirade.

Throughout her act of making a scene, Li Chuanmo was silent, oddly detached. It was only when he saw his birth mother's face that his chest began to hurt, though it didn't show on his face.

He had taken one look and calmly talked to the nurse, who directed him to the doctor's office. He left the ward as his aunt was calling him a conscienceless b*st*rd, saying children were meant to forgive and love their parents no matter what.

On a normal day, he would have sneered at that statement, but today, it bothered him. "Do you think she was right? Do you think I should have forgiven her while I still had the chance?"

Pei Yueran didn't know. In her opinion, such an act was unforgivable, but if she were to be in his shoes, she would feel the way he was feeling currently. She would also regret not forgiving earlier.

*****

Little theatre:

LCM: (Beating his chest) All you have to do is to cause problems. I'm here to resolve any issues you decide to create.

PYR: (Looks at him with eyes of adoration)

S_J: (Rolls eyes, unimpressed) Just wipe your mouth you sweet talker, and stop attracting sugar ants!