Eleven.

November.

"Nova" My name escaped Alex's lips like it was a breath and he automatically hightailed towards me from inside his apartment. I didn't get time to react before his hands found my arms and I couldn't help but let out a sharp breath at the contact. Stepping back quickly and onto Amelia's toe.

"Shit Mel" I manage to blurt out before stumbling backwards further, she grabs my arm softly on instinct and helps me stand upright. She lets out an awkward laugh and pulls me behind her slightly.

"Alex? What did we speak about" Her teeth are gritted together in mild annoyance and I awkwardly grimace behind her.

"I- sorry" His hand scratches the back of his neck slightly and I step out from behind Mel. Feeling less at risk and slightly more comfortable seeing the clear signs of regret on his face.

"Lex its fine, just, tone it down" My voice is heavy with emotion and I can feel his eyes flick over my face. Noticing the lack of makeup for the first time since he opened the door. His eyes then scan over my body, eyebrows furrowing together.

"Did you- do something different with your hair?" His mutters out, seeming to concentrate on the most obvious change in my appearance.

"Alex- I" I laugh loudly and grab Amelia's arm for support. I hadn't felt this form of amusement for weeks. I could feel the laughter bubble in my stomach, in my chest and out of my mouth. My head felt light, fuzzy, in a good way. I was drunk on this feeling, the feeling of actual happiness.

"Alex you idiot- Her hair is bloody brown of course she did something with it" Amelia slaps his arm playfully and rolls her eyes, she turns to look at me, still laughing behind her and she turns back to him. Her eyes grateful.

"You- I've not seen her laugh like this since-" Her words cut off as I abruptly stop laughing. My eyes caught the sight of another person, stood silently just in the threshold of the house. Watching us curiously.

He had brown hair and bright bright blue eyes. His hair was tousled around, like he had just got out of bed. A messy look, which was a stark contrast to the clean top and jeans he had on. My breath got caught in my throat as familiarity clenched my insides, I had seen him before.

"Hey! I've seen you before" His words catch me off guard, his tone deep and playful, I had never had a stranger speak to me so, casually before. I stare at him in confusion, stepping closer to Mel slightly and crossing my arms against my chest. I feel myself trying to shrink in, trying to become as small as possible. To not draw attention to myself.

"I helped you the other day, when you almost fell. I'm Ace" His hand is in front of me within seconds, he had come closer as he spoke. Taking it one step at a time and when he's fully in front of me I realised I hadn't panicked as he walked. Hadn't felt my body burst to flames, hadn't felt anxiety rise in my stomach at the thought of a stranger being so close.

I cock my head to the side curiously, reaching my hand out to shake his. His palm engulfed my small hand and I felt myself smile slightly at how ridiculous this was. Shaking someone's hand like we had just done a business deal. But I also found myself thankful, thankful that I wasn't about to throw up, I didn't feel like I was trapped, I could breathe. I was.. fine.

Mel lets out a small breath next to me and I turn to her as the man retreats, she nods her head down at my hand and I can see the twinkle in her eye. She was proud of me.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"So- you study Pysch?" Amelia's voice cuts the awkward silence we had settled into, we had made our way to Alex's living area and all ended up with a glass of wine in our hands but now we were sat in silence.

"No? I play ball" Ace's words were laced heavily with confusion and I felt my brain become confused too.

"Wait, so you play ball?" I asked, the first time I had spoken a full sentence since sitting down. Ace nods in response and I stare at him, unblinking. "So why did you want to meet me? Morbid curiosity?" the accusation lies heavy in my tone and I feel anger surge within me.

"Wanted to see the girl that your friends majorly fucked up right? Wanted to see for yourself how fucking broken I am, from one night at your stupid fucking house. Do you know what it feels like for me?" I pause, feeling my skin start to prickle with heat, my body was filled with rage, I neck back the rest of my wine and shake my head. Rubbing a hand over my face and settling back on the couch.

"You want to know what it all did to me right? For whatever fucking reason, that is why I am here right? Like some zoo animal" I state, my eyes meet his. His head is cocked to the side, head in his palm that's resting on his leg. He looks intrigued. I expected mild anger, at the accusations I was throwing his way. I laugh bitterly, keeping my eyes on his.

This is the most contact I had had with another male since that night and all I could feel was anger, fuelling me. I let it seep into my body, fill every inch of me. I welcomed the feeling, I welcomed any feeling I could feel anymore.

"I am completely and utterly shattered. I wake up in the morning and wish I didn't. Every time I open my eyes and feel that hollow feeling in my chest it makes me want to rip it out. My heart feels like it doesn't even beat anymore. My body feels like it isn't mine" I feel the beginning of tears form in my eyes and I wipe them away angrily, watching Ace as he watches me fall apart. His face hasn't changed, he's sat, indifferently watching me.

"I look at myself in the mirror every morning and try to figure out why he did this to me. Why he picked me to ruin completely. I can't look at myself without seeing those bruises, without seeing the way my clothes hung off me in tatters when I got home that night. I am completely and utterly broken. Fragile pieces of the person I used to be" My hands tingle, shake. I hear soft sobs from next to me and a hand that's slightly stained with mascara lands on my knee, Mel softly squeezes me knee in reassurance. I needed this, I needed to let it out.

"Maybe that was what he wanted, maybe he wanted to see me fall from my high horse all along. My throat- I couldn't speak for days, I sat in my shower, boiling hot water pouring on me in waves as I wondered how I could strip my skin. Grow into something new, something pure. Something that hadn't been shoved around a room for hours on end whilst everyone else got to sleep soundly. I hate it, looking at other girls and wondering how it feels to be so, fine. I just want to be fine." I wipe my face angrily again, hands running through my hair and down to the end of my skirt.

"I could sit here, and continue to tell you how much I hate myself now, but the cold truth of the matter is that, your friend, that you sit and share dinner with, couldn't wait until I was ready and willing. Couldn't hold himself back for one more week. No, of course not, but that's fine right? It was a mistake, a one time thing. He got ahead of himself and made a drunken mistake and he shouldn't be punished right? Is that what you're here for? To tell me to let it go?" I stare at him, unwaveringly. I could feel the sticky tears on my face and in this moment I just wished they'd drown me.

As I assess his face I feel my anger die, he looked broken. His eyes hollow, he hadn't moved them from me, scanning me up and down constantly as he spoke. Leaving a trail of fire wherever he looked. I marked it down to anger, but I feel like maybe it was more. My brain couldn't comprehend why this stranger seemed so upset over what had happened to me, but guilt at how quickly I had let loose on him settled into my veins and I felt myself go cold.

"I- November" My eyes darted to Alex, remembering he was in the room and I feel that hollow feeling creep back in. His face was bright red and puffy, it seemed my speech had effected everyone in the room. Everyone but me, who now sat, unfeeling, unmoving. As I watch the reality of the situation sink in to everyone around me.

"I- I'm sorry" I breathe out, standing and grabbing my bag. I turn to Amelia, look her in the eyes and rush out the word. "bird" Before turning and hightailing from the apartment building as quick as my legs would take me. Not sparing a glance back, in fear of what else I might see lurking in the strangers eyes.