Ten.

November.

It was the day after the café meeting with Officer Hopkins when Amelia finally spat out her secret. I had been finishing up the dishes, putting a plate in the cupboard whilst she ate her pancakes silently when she burst out with it. Like she had been holding it inside for days, which rightfully, she had.

"I met up with Alex" Her words were fast, hurried and scared. Like she thought I was going to blow up on her at the mere mention of his name. In hindsight, the last time I had seen him I had acted like a patient in a mental asylum, maybe I was a patient in a mental asylum. My own kind, trapped inside my own head, constantly battling to feel something. Anything.

"I was grabbing a coffee, after I dropped you here from the hairdressers, remember that day? Well I was grabbing a coffee, and- and he grabbed me and he just started ranting and I couldn't stop him and then- I sat with him and his friend for a while-" Amelia's words were muted out by my thoughts, as she rambled away I began to feel myself go hollow again, all feeling leaving my body. Like it was preparing me for something.

"November?" Amelia's voice was close to a squeak and it dawns on me that she had taken my silence for anger. With the way my hand had grasped around the plate, frozen in mid air, I could see why she had.

"How was it? How was he?" I questioned, genuinely curious. I had heard from Asher that he had left town for a while after the party, he had drove back that night to take me and Amelia to the hospital and I couldn't help but feel guilt eat away at me.

He had done a good deed, I had repaid him by giving him nightmares.

"He- Well, actually he was fine but-" I could never have prepared myself for her next words. I could've seen a flashing neon light above her head, telling me to prepare for the worst and I still wouldn't have expected the next sentence to escape her lips.

But it did and when it did, my worst fear started to become a reality.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Ember, you ready?" Amelia's voice was soft from the other side of my door, I heard her fist tap quietly and I knew she was doing her best not to startle me. In truth, I had been stood in front of my mirror, looking at myself. Trying to see through his eyes that night. Trying to understand, what was so great about me, that he had to take it without permission.

I would never truly understand his thoughts, never understand what he saw. But I needed to try, I needed to know what to erase from myself, forever. So that no-one else ever wanted to touch me how he did, so badly that they would do anything to get it.

I remember the crazed look in his eyes as he pinned me down, grabbed me and forced me into what ever fucked up vision he had in his mind. I could tell, that he had been thinking of this, wanting this, for a long time. He was prepared, ready. Grabbing various items from his draws to keep me bound, keep me at his mercy.

Bile rose in my throat and I pushed it back, tears soaked my eyes and I blinked them back, my hands grabbed my skirt and I shoved them back.

I stared at my eyes in the mirror, the darkness swelling within me. I looked dead inside, which is exactly how I felt. A shell of a human just trying to survive, but for what?

What am I living for? Why am I pushing myself to do this, to be so in pain, every single day. Why?

"November" I hear Amelia's voice, filled with pity. I turn to stare at her, letting my eyes portray my emotions. My question.

"Why me?" I choke out and that was the moment the dam broke, I sunk to the floor and within seconds Amelia had circled me, hugging me to her chest and sobbing lightly with me.

I had realised then that she understood my pain, maybe not personally but she understood. She had seen my struggle, seen me panic and put myself back together within minutes. She had seen me, laid bare, sharp edges and broken pieces laid out for her to see. Only her.

She was grieving for me, crying for me, feeling for me. She was my rock in this moment and I had never been more grateful.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

We were about an hour late by the time we arrived at Alex's flat just out of town. It was a shock to me that he even owned a flat, he had lived with the boys in that house the whole time I had known him and this was the moment it sank in that I hadn't exactly been the best friend before.

I was going to receive any friend of the year awards for my behaviour pre-trauma, lets just put it that way.

"I never knew he had a flat" Mel's voice was confused, I turned to look at her. Shocked once again by how alike we were, how alike we thought. We had been friends forever and somehow, we were only just actually getting to know each other properly. Our true selves.

"I was just thinking that" I giggle softly, my body had began to feel lighter since my mini breakdown and revelation about Amelia. I felt like I wasn't alone, I had someone fighting my corner for me and all I needed to do was survive. For now, I just needed to get through it.

"So, explain to me why the strange guy wants to meet me again?" I breathe out awkwardly, even though it had been 24 hours since Mel dropped the bomb, I still hadn't really got my head around the details.

"Honestly, no idea. I kind of- dropped the facts to him, letting my anger fuel my body you know? Then he just, blurted it out. He looked kind of shocked at himself too but who am I to judge right?" She pauses, thinking for a second. "Don't they have a pysch major in that cult-like house of theirs? Maybe he's that one" She taps her finger on my chin lightly as she speaks. Making my eyes meet hers.

"Remember, just say the word and I'll have us out of this place in 3 seconds okay?" Her words light amusement within me and I smile at her.

"I promise, I use the word if I need too"

"And the word is-?" Amelia gestures for me to finish her sentence. A wide smile on her face, this was the first time I had seen her smile since she spoke to me yesterday, I could tell she was worried about what was about to happen. If it went south I could see that she would blame herself.

"Mel, if this goes badly, you know its not your fault right?" I touch her arm, my eyes trying to lock with hers. She avoids direct eye contact and mutters a non-committed "Sure" before unlocking her door and stepping out.

The sound of her heels hitting the sidewalk is refreshing, she had been avoiding wearing her heels recently, I assume it was because I hadn't been wearing mine and she was aware that it could be a trigger, but this morning I caved and chucked a pair at her. Her eyes were so grateful, looking down at them and then to me, before slipping them on her feet and adjusting her coat.

"Before we go in there, what's the word?"

"Bird" I pause, looking at her and laughing slightly. "The bird is the word" I finish the sentence and roll my eyes as she starts cackling loudly behind me. Pulling open the door to the apartment building we link arms and brace ourselves for what is to come.