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Saiyan Gods - A Kidnapping Space Monkey

One starry night, Master Roshi shoots his newest technique into the sky. The Kamehameha hits Leon's spaceship and he crashes into the sea. Master Roshi: "Whatever I hit, I hope it wasn't important." Leon: -_- Anyways... Dragon Ball! Every fan may rejoice! Leon has been reborn as a Saiyan, and he plans to capitalize on his situation! A wholesome novel about growing up, while balancing the fate of the Universe. Witness how our "Hero of Justice and Everything Good in the World", learns Martial Arts, milks every last drop of Dragon Magic, and kidnaps children! HE KIDNAPS CHILDREN!?! Author: Yes, but he can't go to prison since his body isn't even 6. THAT'S NOT THE POINT! KIDNAPPING IS WRONG? Author: Oh yeah, he brainwashes people too. But don't worry, Leon is a good guy. (╯°Д°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Author: ^^ ... Alternate Title: "Ascending to Godhood with Babysteps" ... The following is a non profit, fan based parody. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT, and Dragon Ball Super are all owned by FUNimation, Toey Animation, and Akira Toriyama. I don't claim ownership over any of the original work's characters. The cover image is taken from Dragon Ball Super. Please support the official release.

AcolyteofSolaris · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
18 Chs

C.3: My name is Roshi.

Just as Leon had regained consciousness, he was already knocked out again.

Falling from the sky, he took note of how peacefully silent it was. Until the full moon was covered in Bunk.

'Thank god it's not a sailor bunk'

Still freefalling, Bunk took out a staff and transformed.

"By the power of the moon, I will rescue you fellow citizen! MOON STAR POWER!!!"

"YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MEEE!!!"

All the hair on his body and tail stiffened, as the 300 pound man dived straight at him, embracing him in a bearhug, while bracing for impact with the sea.

*SPLASH!*

Nevertheless, Sailor Bunk's heroic efforts were in vain, as his rock hard abs and wand made the crash feel like Leon hit concrete.

'But didn't he already take out his wand during the transformation?'

He turned around, and Sailor Bunk had a disgusting smirk on his face. In the face of such a crisis, Leon discovered the slumbering power within him, and utilized all the little authority he had over his dreamscape, to banish Bunk to the shadow realm.

He began swimming frantically, as ominous fishtails peeped out from the surface.

Disney music started playing, and Leon started swimming even harder as the Bunks started singing about water, and how much fun it would be if he played with them.

He created a shield of happy thoughts, thinking about the great things he will do in the Dragon Ball world when he wakes up. To be honest, this thought was all that had been keeping his wits together during his weeks of torture in the dream world.

But to his horror, his barrier started to crack at the cacophonie of Bunk's Ariel ripoff, and even his swimming motions started to meet resistance.

"Join us. The water is warm~"

The Mermaid Bunk's grabbed Leon by the tail, and dragged him into the water. Leon screamed with bubbles coming out of his mouth, but he didn't stop his swimming motions in denial of what was happening.

***

Master Roshi woke up to the sun tickling his nose. Refreshed he jumped up in one smooth motion and grabbed his cane. He heard someone pawing the sand nearby, wondering if his old friend, the sea turtle Umigame, went out for a swim.

The old Master smiled at the thought of his friend moving on his own volition.

Work hard, study well, and eat and sleep plenty! That's the Turtle Hermit Way!

But the turtle himself could rest in the shadows, or sleep in the sun, as long as Master Roshi didn't need to go to the mainland.

He went to the kitchen, greeting Umigame who was watching TV in the living room as he passed by, and poured himself some cereal.

His favorite ero magazine in hand, he almost bled into his breakfast.

Just a plain old normal day for the retired Martial Arts Master.

'Wait a minute, if Umigame is watching TV, could it be that old green invited female company? That old reptile finally got it going on with the hot chicks!'

He wiggled his eyebrows at the distracted turtle, and decided to greet the new lady on the Island.

...

Chuckling, Roshi opened the door, and saw a bloodied child swimming frog-style on the sand while spitting sea water like a fountain. Roshi almost had a heart attack looking at such grievous injuries on such a young body.

Panicking, he emptied his pockets, examining its contents.

'5 Zeni, lint, paperclip, Senzu Bean!'

Triumphantly Roshi lifted up the still swimming and whimpering child by the tail and fed it a Senzu.

His scrunched up features relaxed a little, as he investigated the kid's life force with his Ki Sense. He blinked rapidly.

'By Kami's Dragon Balls! The kid almost has the same powerlevel as me!'

Leon's eyes cracked open and he woke up screaming.

"AAAAHHHH!"

"AAAAHHHH!"

"AAAAHHHH!"

"AAAAHHHH!"

Startled, Roshi flings the child 2 meters away with his staff pointing at it in what can't really be called a battle stance.

"Who are you?"

"You. You are not Bunk. Is it... Is it finally over?"

The turtle sage wanted to slap himself for scaring a child, who obviously had been through abuse. Changing gear, he reverted to his dignified persona, stroking his beard.

"Yes, it's over child. I'm not Bunk. And you're safe now. I'm the strongest man in the world after all."

Sensing a child in need, he prepared himself to face this 'Bunk' and beat him with the sacred texts up and down, giving him 10 reasons about why not to bully children for him to rehearse in hell. He was no Kami, but this kid, still a toddler, got washed up half-dead on his front door. If he didn't seek justice now, he might as well off himself prematurely.

Leon, not really having listened, his eyes closed again, was just happy to hear a new voice, and started weeping, rocking back and forth in fetal position.

"Thank god! It was a nightmare! Every time I tried to run, he would catch me. A nightmare I couldn't wake up from. For days, weeks, maybe months the drugs wouldn't let me wake up and he would torture me with a disgusting smile on his face. Now that I'm awake I can finally live again!"

Hearing this Master Roshi's anger grew by the second. He was familiar with evil. He had face true evil in the form of King Piccolo and his Demon Clan, when they supressed the world. Enslaving humanity.

"Despicable!"

The likes of demons, in exchange for tainted divinity, would doom all those killed by them to suffer in Limbo for all eternity. Not being able to reincarnate, or enter Heaven or Hell. However, they were vanquished already. Sealed and forgotten.

"THAT BASTARD DID WHAT?!?"

But he now realized, that he had overlooked the malice of mankind for too long.

He left the scum of earth alone for a long time, since whenever evil was vanquished, those previously in fear of it, left with nothing, would fill the gap. Becoming akin to those who they previously feared. Sick, twisted and sadistic. This evil seemed to have grown enough to warrant him wiping them out.

People like those lawless punks from the Red Ribbon Army who do whatever they want.

He had decided.

He would destroy all evil capable of cutting a child like this so deeply. Maybe Kami could forgive them, but he would not!

With a crackling noise, he straightened up his back, to once again kick ass and take names. Only to deflate at the following words.

"And then, when I thought it was over, a blue beam shot down my escape pod."

'...'

'...'

'Did I... Did I really kick a kid when it was lying down?'

This being a bit much to process, he sat down beside the little man and sighed. The day was so young, yet he already felt so tired.

"You can open your eyes already, boy. Nobody is going to hurt you."

Leon, still not really convinced that this was real, grabbed him by the hem and opened his eyes. He saw an old man in sunglasses and frilly Hawaii shirt staring at the waves.

"My name is Roshi. I'm the strongest man on earth. And I'm sorry for shooting you down."

Here in this chapter we have the young MC crying on the beach. Which is darker than I would like. But I wanted to establish relatively early, that while we can laugh at Leon's misfortune all we want, he is still a kid and not a punching bag that makes funny noises when hit.

In this moment of weakness, while he is still young, we can find out what makes Leon tick, while he grows as a character throughout the novel.

...

Now, about the reason as to why I didn't upload anything yesterday.

I don't have any chapters stockpiled yet.

In the middle of the night I decided to remove the R18 tag from this novel, since this has developed into a lighthearted growing up comedy. Still with Harem, but no half-assed R18 chapters after they grow up. It wouldn't do well, since I plan to have them grow up together from the crib. Anything else would be like filming your son or daughter for nefarious purposes, which would actually make me sick.

Right after deciding on the above, I got really bothered because I had nowhere to vent my grimmer fantasies, so I started a Villain-Romance Novel. The characters got darker than black, and when I looked at the clock it was already 3AM.

I slept too little and woke up. f*cked up. Sitting down I struggled to continue writing for half an hour, until I remembered that I simply have to examine everything from the character's POV, to make the interactions work.

I laughed quite a bit too hard at that, and decided to take a break for the day, and continue tomorrow.

Also, I had to recover from the pure malice these romance novel characters were spreading. Sheesh. For real. The MC of that novel is more elitist and has less chill than Young Vegeta.

Anyways. You missed a day of uploads in exchange for me getting novel enlightenment.

But don't worry. This is a sacrifice I am willing to make :)

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