C.2: Feverdream (Interlude)

Leon's sleep was restless. How could it be any other way when delusions of world domination are whispered into your ear every hour every day? It's not like he can just say "Ok", and then proceed to wipe out a planet full of possibly intelligent life.

He has a moral compass, thank you very much.

In his dreams however, he tried to put the pieces of his new situation together. But sadly he didn't have one second of peace since waking up in this world. So of course he didn't make much progress when he was knocked unconscious by the space pod as soon as he got stuffed in.

His only consolation being, that the spaceship didn't completely abandon him to the monsters of his subconscious. Leaving him half awake. So that the machine could better introduce him to its favorite program:

'20 Reasons why High Class Warriors deserve to Rule Supreme'

Bla bla bla. The usual Saiyan brainwashing routine, to make sure the rowdy lot stayed loyal.

He would have almost believed it, if he didn't watch the Anime that is.

To tell the truth, only someone as stubborn and elitist as Vegeta could still believe his heritage to be absolutely superior to Goku, while being continuously surpassed by him. Well he wasn't wrong. If he wasn't born with a vastly superior talent than Goku, how could he keep up with the guy when he trained with the same vicious mindset that prevented the Saiyans from planet Vegeta back from achieving Super Saiyan. Dream on, man.

Speaking of dreams, his dreams at this point were seriouslly crazy.

So confusing, pink, and scarring, he wondered more than once, if he didn't wake up in Dragon Ball, but in hell.

What he assumed to be his dead parents, were making out on a bench, while Bunk was banging his head on a wall. Bloody tears streaming down his face.

Another Bunk was saving the day, his muscles rippling under the Sailor Moon costume, while he beat up a criminal with his pink wand.

Whale noises played in the background, with Sailor Bunk swimming through the air, while blushing and giggling like a little girl.

A herd of hairy Barbie-Bunks was chasing handsome men covered in lipstick and tattered clothes through the streets. Absolute horror in their eyes.

Seeing that, Leon gulped.

'That could be me.'

He could only thank his lucky stars, that he wasn't completely asleep, and still had enough power over this dream to fend them when they tried to touch him. But the passive mental damage was accumulating.

"SAVAGE MONKEY, SAVAGE MONKEY, SAVAGE MONKEY!", chanted a rabid crowd as a procession of Gorilla-Princess-Bunks twirled their pigtails while doing the Sailor Moon transformation sequence. Seeing them blush, the bushy-bearded audience erupted in mind-numbing applause.

Resolving himself to end this nightmare the Saiyan way, he slapped the closest Bunk against the closest concrete wall. Completely unscathed, he started to blush, panting heavily.

"Harder"

' !@#*.?$:!^_/< '

Hearing the sound of glass shattering, he felt his mental defenses break down.

His face having lost all color, he sat down on the bench near the headbanging Bunk and his kissing parents. Fending off the occasional gorilla, who tried to convince him to join the ducky dance.

Simply deciding to wait out his suffering and recover from the mental damage, as the noise around him seemed to become louder and louder. The Bunks becoming more and more aggressive, he closed his eyes, trying to make the noise go away, while slapping away those who came to close to him.

Meanwhile, the loudspeakers were trying their best to drown out the cacophony of hundreds of middle aged men giggling like little girls, while teaching him how to conquer civilized planets.

'AMITHABA OM AMARANI JIVAN TIYE SVAHA!'

He didn't know what this buddhist mantra meant, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with inner peace. Concentrating on it also helped to zone out the madness, and the cries of babies raining from the sky.

He was only glad, that they vanished on impact with the ground.

[DESTINATION REACHED. DISENGAGE MEDICALLY INDUCED SLEEP.]

A light at the end of the tunnel. Water in the desert. HE HAD SURVIVED!

'BUNK YOU BASTARD! EVEN IF I'M GOING TO SAVE THE SAIYANS; YOU CAN STAY ROTTING IN HELL!!!'

With tears flowing like rivers, Leon finally awoke from the nightmare, only to see a blue beam rapidly approaching the window.

His eyes turned lifeless and he curled up sobbing, lamenting his painful and short life.

***

Master Roshi had a great day at the coast next to Kame House. The food was great, the babes were hot, and the summersun reflected on his bald head, giving him a saintly shine. Now riding on his seaturtle the wind caressed his beard, and blew into his Hawaii shirt and shorts, giving the unsuspecting fish a wrinkly sight.

"Uhh yes. Life is truly good to me."

Checking out the new generation of swimwear at day, while developing new Martial Arts at night to keep fit was just the dream for the old turtle hermit. His lustful fantasies only enlightening his creativity, like with the Hypnosis Technique.

He originally developed this technique to make talking to girls easier and himself more appealing, but sadly it was too powerful. It completely dominated the minds of those sweet girls. And the Master wasn't shabby enough to take advantage of them.

'Truly a shame.'

Being so powerful, yet failing to create a Ki-based-pickup-line, is a shame he will take to the grave.

As he was lost in thought about the wasted potential of his technique, he already arrived at Kame House.

Drink in hand, he laid down in his hammock, enjoying the shade of the palm tree.

...

Waking up from his nap his eyes gazed at the starry sky.

'The night is truly wonderful. How about a streak of blue?'

"A shooting star?"

Still groggy from his wonderful nap, he decides not to use his Ki Sense and rely on his own two eyes.

"Kaaaa-Meeee-Haaaa-Meeee-Haaaa!!!"

A blue Ki beam illuminated the night sky, narrowly missing the moon.

Roshi's half-open eyes widen a bit.

"I really should pay more attention."

Stroking his beard he sighed.

"I also only grazed that comet. Really. As the strongest man on earth, I should pay attention not to lose my touch, or I'll lose my favorite pickup line."

He shudders at the thought. Feeling that it got a little cold he waddles to bed.

'What a great time to be alive.'