Pain and Regret are your Best Friends

Haruchiyo sat in his spacious office organizing all of the paperwork needed to create a balance sheet for the last year. Kokonoi made it clear that everything had to be dated accurately and in order. 2018, when did that happen? They aren't kidding when they say time flies by. Where did I put that...ah. He had been shuffling through his filing cabinets, pulling the appropriate folders and putting them in a chaotic pile on his desk. Normally he would have his assistant do this kind of work but he had promised himself this past new year that he would pull more weight here at the office. He never wanted a job stuck behind a desk but adulthood crushed those dreams.

The tall building itself was originally a money laundering scheme, just a way to wash Bonten's money. But Koko was a genius at making money and had actually found a way to make the place profitable. They worked with real estate agencies, politicians, construction companies, really anything pockets they could dip their hands into.

Once he had all the paperwork stapled and in order, he headed out his office. He turned the corner, almost bumping into one of Ran's assistants. She was fixing her skirt and her smudged lipstick as she left the ladies room; she apologized bright red and dashed back to her desk. Ran wasn't too far behind her leaving the restroom with a stupidly satisfied smile. "Another day in the office huh Sanzu?" He smacked his coworkers back, and went his way. "Working real hard Haitani." Haruchiyo called down the hall to him, laughing to himself. The guy's a menace, haha. Koko's door is closed, probably getting head while he plays on his calculator. Whatever, bastard said he needed the papers today.

Sanzu burst into Kokonoi's own office with a loud bang and a cheerful, "Hey there partner! Got the shit you asked for." He looked towards the man he was addressing and saw that Koko was promptly sitting at his desk, across from him was Senju. Haruchiyo's little sister tsked and clinched her eyebrows, "Could you be any more disruptive or do you just not realize how obnoxious you are?" Sanzu let out a laugh and sat, manspreading, next to Senju putting the box of paperwork and folders at his feet. On Koko's desk Senju had her laptop open, cell phone out with the calculator opened, and a messy stack of different colored papers scattered about. Koko had only his own laptop own on his desk, everything had been tucked away to give the youngest Akashi room.

"He teaching you how to become a power-hungry CEO?"

"Funny.", Senju said dryly, "he's helping me with my taxes, it's a lot. With all my student loan forms and everything from work."

"You have a degree in business, how do you not know how to do taxes?" Sanzu couldn't help but poke fun at his sister. Their relationship had started to recover, slowly, more so now that Bonten used her clothing store as an asset. "She's doing well on her own so far. I'm just here to look everything over before she submits them."

Koko peeled his eyes away from his laptop to look at Sanzu, "you got everything I as...."

Senju's phone began to ring, loud enough to echo through the office.

Sanzu's heart burst through his chest and then it dropped like he was on a rollercoaster. It pumped harder and faster the more he looked.

Y/n's name and contact photo popped up on Senju's screen. She was quick to grab her phone and get up, "I gotta take this," she answered the call and began walking out of the office, "Hi, one second I gotta get some privacy." The door closed behind Senju.

Time heals all wounds, bullshit. His chest felt ripped open, years of covering up, burying his pain ruined just because of one phone call. A phone call that wasn't even meant for him. He couldn't hear Koko talking to him; he just got up, put the folders on the chair he had occupied and left the office. I have to calm down. He was beginning to have an anxiety attack, needed to find solace. Quickly he locked himself in his office, closing his door and sliding down it so he could curl up on the ground. His breathing pattern now matched his heart: quick, heavy, sporadic. It felt like the walls were closing in on him, so he slapped his face hard in an attempt to snap out of it. He found the strength in his legs to pull himself up and began rummaging through his desk. He found the prescription of Xanax Bonten's doctor had prescribed him, opening the bottle quickly pouring too many pills into his hand. Just take them all. His intrusive thoughts attacked him. He threw one into his mouth and began chewing.

Once he had cleaned up the mess of his pills, the mess he had made in the drawer of his desk, he sat back in his leather chair. It's good she still talks to Senju. They're still friends. She never punished my sister for my sins. That's good. Why's she calling? Senju never talks about her so why's she calling? He grabbed his keychain and found the small gold key he was looking for. He held it above its matching lock for over a minute, just suspended like that. I'll be fine, I can do this, I can handle this. He unlocked the safe he had at his feet, hidden under his desk. The same safe he used to keep in his room when the executives all lived together.

He shuffled through his safe easily; he knew its contents like the back of his hand despite the fact that he rarely opened it. Watches, chains, money, and a black velvet box. A box full of her things. He pulled it out, hand shaking violently. He had not opened this since he packed its contents over five years ago. He took a deep breath, I can do this, I'll be fine, it's just some stuff some stuff my ex used to own, a woman I haven't seen in years, doesn't mean a thing to me, so I'll be fine. He opened the velvet top, and the first thing he saw was the picture frame. He exhaled, not realizing he had been holding his breath. Wow, we were so young. He picked up the frame and held it at eye level. We were so happy. The picture was of him and Y/n surrounded by big pillows and blankets on his old bed, he was smiling at the camera and she was smiling looking at him. They were holding each other. He held on tight to the picture while he fingered through the other things in the box. The necklace I got her on her birthday, the charm I got her on new year's, the lingerie from Valentine' Day, all the little notes she'd leave in my room, more pictures. Polaroids wow I haven't seen those in forever. I love this one. He held up the photo of Y/n sitting on folded legs in his bed, puckering her lips to send a kiss towards the camera. He rubbed the fabric of the lingerie set between his fingers, looking at their framed photo, tears building up in his eyes.

Were the highs worth the come down? Her voice rang through his mind, "No," he said out loud. "No, they weren't."

Sanzu carefully removed the photo from its frame. I just want to know how she's doing. I want to make sure she's healthy and safe. What if she's calling Senju because of some emergency? What if she's stuck in some terrible situation overseas far away and needs help? He flipped the photo over in his hands, on the back Y/n had written '2012, only just the beginning, I love you forever'

Yeah, I just want to make sure she's happy and healthy and safe.

Haruchiyo got up from his desk, took a deep breath and composed himself before heading out of his office and into the elevator.

Two hands shot out on both sides as the doors closed, causing the elevator to open all the way again. Both Haitani brothers stepped into the elevator with Sanzu. "Off to lunch too?" Rindou asked, "We're going to go get ramen if you want to join us." Sanzu was leaning on the corner, arms behind his back hiding the picture. "Nah, I gotta stop at HR right now. I'll end up ordering lunch." Ran raised an eyebrow but kept silent. After descending several floors the doors opened for Sanzu and he stepped out with a quick "See you guys later."

Ran turned to his younger brother who also looked amused, "HR huh? What would he need with one of them?"

The Human Resources department of Bonten's building was a façade. The handful of men that worked on this floor were actually private investigators; if any of the executives needed background information on potential clients or business partners their P.I.'s took care of it. After a couple twists and turns around cubicles, Sanzu reached his destination. "Morning, Tantei." The overweight ex-detective was hunched over his computer. He pushed up his spectacles and stopped what he was doing. Blinking twice he was shocked that Bonten's number two was down here. Sanzu had used Tantei on several occassions but he usually sent his subordinates, never personally coming to visit the HR department.

"Ah sir, it's a surprise to see you down here. Why're you paying me a visit?" He spun in his chair, folded his arms and waved an arm over to the metal chair in the tight spaced cubicle. Sanzu shook his head, "This will be quick. I need you to find someone for me." He threw the picture down on the man's keypad. Tantei picked up the photo, looking at the picture to Sanzu and back to the photo again. The Bonten executive began to nervously scratch the back of his neck, "That picture's almost seven years old, so I'm sure she's grown up quite a bit. I know I have." That last part was barely audible but the PI heard it.

"You look happy boss." He held the picture up shaking it a little, "She the one who got away?"

"Yeah," Haruchiyo deeply exhaled a sigh, "something like that."

The week had progressed slowly. The anticipation of hearing back from Tantei was eating Haruchiyo alive. He would pace his office whenever he stood up and bounce his leg whenever he sat down. He itched, like he could crawl out of his own skin, like it wasn't his own body. He had convinced himself his Xanax wasn't working and had left his doctor a number of voicemails voicing his complaints. Or screaming.... screaming his complaints. His newfound obsession meant that his nightmares were back. He dreamed of Y/n every night despite fighting sleep until dawn broke. He was exhausted. He was snappy with all of the assistants in the office, by Wednesday he had made three of them cry.

Koko was used to the volatile mood swings, but the Haitani brothers had put two and two together. Sanzu visits the PIs and now he's driving himself up a wall. They dragged him out of the office and into the club Thursday night. Not to dig for information but to just loosen the guy up, it had been years since he was this tightly wound. He drank more than usual, and flirted with the women in the section less than usual. The brothers were determined to get to the bottom of whatever was troubling the number two.

Haruchiyo debated and argued with himself constantly. Talking to himself whenever he found he was alone. Finally he convinced himself that whatever answer the PI came back with he would satisfy. He'd be able to just accept whatever the investigator had to say about Y/n and he could move on with his life. Have a 'oh that's very good to know' moment and proceed with his daily routine as normal.

Friday evening he pushed out his leather chair from behind his desk. He threw his arms up over his head and stretched deeply. The work day was over and it was time to go home. He began to throw his coat on when Sanzu got a call on his office landline. He reached quickly for the phone, but hovered over to answer. It'll be fine, I'll be fine, I can handle this. He picked up and heard Tantei on the other end of the call,

"Mr. Sanzu, I found her. Would you like to take a ride with me?"