Bittersweet Reverie

[Johan's POV]

"Sooo~," Sean wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. "Still no feelings involved yet, Couz?"

Johan gripped the basketball and glowered. "No. Stop being ridiculous. It's just sex. Nothing else."

"Hmm. If you say so~" Sean sing-sang, unaffected by his sharp look, knowing full too well it didn't hold real malice. By instinct, they looked both sides of the road before crossing.

It's Sunday. Since it's the last extension of his stay, Sean invited him to play. The basketball court across Sean's house was still empty, and the assortment of tall trees surrounding the outdoor facility shrouded them from the morning sun.

"Since when did you have an interest in playing basketball?" Johan asked, throwing the ball to his cousin.

"I'm not," Sean confessed, laughing. "It's just a front. Dad bought me one back in high school, so I gotta show I'm using it from time to time."

"Right." Johan nodded, unsurprised. It's not like he hadn't done the same thing.

To the older generation, guns and sports symbolized masculinity, while dolls and glitters symbolized feminity. Typical stereotypes. If only they knew such trivial things held no relevance to one's identity, they'd be offended at how much Johan took advantage of their narrow vision of human sexuality

Instead of keeping him straight, they only gave him easier access to secretly explore his orientation.

Johan dusted the concrete floor and sat, wincing at the slight discomfort in his ass.

"Ded ye heve e geed teym?" Sean slurred, a teasing grin on his face.

Johan removed an old black rubber shoe he borrowed from Sean and chucked it towards him. Embarrassment flooded his cheeks. "Shut up, Couz."

Sean clicked his tongue while shaking his head. He kicked the shoes back to him. "Look at those hickeys. How can you cut the communication off if you can't even ignore him after three days?"

"I can't help it, okay?" Johan defended and adjusted the collar of his shirt. "Have you tried the D-Ziacc Coffee? You should have tried that coffee. Let's see if you can keep it in."

"Don't use the coffee as an excuse. Who even told you to drink that in the first place?"

"I'm curious how it works," Johan said, tying the shoe back to his foot. It felt a little tight, but not as much as to hurt his toes. Sean was only an inch shorter than him, so it's convenient to share stuff.

He could have gotten more personal things at his grandfather's abode, but he'd rather not alert the caretaker it was him who snuck in two nights ago. Thankfully, Don Juanico was out of the city at the moment.

Johan began stretching his limbs, his red gym shorts expanding in his every movement. "Have you finished what I'm asking you?"

"Couz." An exasperated groan escaped Sean's lips. "You'll get in trouble with what you're planning."

"That's exactly why I need it, Couz. Diego already had me in a pinch with my extended leave. And then there's Quinn and that random asshole." Johan steeled his gaze, determined. "This is war. I can't go back empty-handed."

"Fine." Sean gave in with a defeated sigh. "I'll hand it to you later."

"Thanks, Couz."

Johan continued his stretching exercise. Aside from running at the beach, he hasn't played any sports since he left his Dad's house three years ago. Not that he's passionate about anything. He's not the sporty type. But years of being with Raymond rubbed off some enthusiasm into him.

A sudden longing swelled in his heart as fond memories of his best friend, his first love, swept into him.

———

[Flashback]

'Do you remember when,

'I said I'd always be there?

'Ever since we were ten, Baby.'

Johan removed the earbud after Jason Chen's melodic voice faded along with the soft strumming of an acoustic guitar. It was such a lovely song, but the squeal beside him destroyed the romantic atmosphere it created.

"Isn't that acoustic version so beautiful?" Marianne cooed with a dreamy look on her face. Their afternoon class was over an hour ago, and they're just lounging at the Science Garden's small gazebo. She turned and playfully batted her eyelashes at him. "Now, it's your time to confess your love to me, Bestie."

Johan rolled his eyes and chucked a roasted peanut at her. "Dream on."

"You're hurting my feelings." Marianne gave a dramatic gasp. She combed her luscious wavy hair to one shoulder and craned her neck for a sexy pose. "Don't you find me attractive?"

Johan snorted at Marianne's attempt to be seductive. In return, she picked the peanut that got stuck in the crease of her white uniform and threw it back at him. He evaded skillfully, and they both laughed.

Marianne inched closer and lay her head against his shoulder, hugging his arm. "I didn't think we'd become classmates again, Bestie. You suddenly transferred school after fourth grade."

"Blame Grandpa," Johan grumbled. "How long has it been? Six years?"

"Yeah, six. We had a lot of catching up together."

"Right."

"Let's play Chinese garter," Marianne suggested, laughing at his disgruntled expression. She flashed him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I got you in trouble with your grandfather back then."

"It's fine. That's not your fault," Johan assured, smiling back.

If he's being honest, Marianne—the bubbly girl who pestered him countless times to play Chinese garter until he got busted by his grandfather—had grown into an attractive woman. Her once bob-cut hair was now past her hips. It surprised him when she transferred to his new school at the beginning of tenth grade.

"Johan?" a male's voice called and Raymond's face came into view, holding a basketball. "Are you still—Oh!"

"Oops." Marianne removed her hold around Johan's arm. "Here goes my love rival."

Johan pinched the underside of her knee before standing, and Marianne covered her mouth to suppress her laughter. They both gathered their things and stepped out of the gazebo.

Raymond's chestnut eyes were stormy as he darted between him and Marianne. "A-am I interrupting something?"

"A little," Marianne chided, but when Raymond didn't laugh, she raised her hand with a piece sign. "Joke~"

"Ignore her. She's out of her mind—OW!" Johan rubbed the sore muscle she slapped. "That hurt, you witch!"

Marianne stuck her tongue out at him. She flipped her hair and skipped ahead. So childish. Not that he wasn't. Johan could feel the child in him stirring up ever since she came around, filling him with warmth of familiarity.

Raymond tucked the ball under his arm and slung the other over Johan's shoulder. A different kind of warmth spread through him at Raymond's closeness. Heart pounding in his chest, Johan instinctively pressed closer despite the hot weather.

"Are you courting the transfer student?" Raymond asked, dribbling the ball as they walked to the school gate.

Johan scrunched his face. "What? No. Marianne's my childhood friend."

Unregretfully, their relationship since they were young has always been platonic, familial even. Johan saw her as a sibling, and he knew she felt the same. They're like brother and sister, born from different parents.

"Oh. Okay. Glad to know."

Was that relief he's hearing? Johan looked up to his best friend. The cluster of hair strands stuck to his sweaty forehead bothered him. "Why? Do you like her?"

Raymond shook his head, gaze settling on him. At the wide grin he gave, Johan swore the ringing in his ear wasn't the ball thumping against the cement.

"W-what's with you?"

"Naaaahhh~," Raymond flicked the ball in the air and made a spin. His fingers on Johan's shoulder gave a little squeeze. "Just thought someone's taking my best friend away from me. There are rumors around saying you're courting her."

"Crazy. And why do you listen to rumors, Idiot?"

"I just heard," Raymond said as they exited the school gates. "She's got plenty of admirers. You'll get lots of competitors if you court her."

"What's this? A fucking game?"

"Why are you getting mad?" Raymond guided them to the nearby basketball court. "You know, let's just play."

Johan groaned. His body still ached from his grandfather's training. He'd rather relax and read a book to study. "Go play with your other friends. I'll just stand by and watch."

"Will you be cheering for me?"

"You wish." Johan removed Raymond's arm around him and sat on a concrete bench. Taking out an encyclopedia he borrowed from the school library, Johan ignored his best friend and flipped the book open.

"Some kind of best friend you are." Raymond put down the ball on the floor and sat on it. "This should be a bonding moment for us, you know?"

"I want to study."

"Ten minutes." Raymond jutted his lower lip into a cute pout. "Come on, Johaaaan."

Fuck. How could he even resist that? Johan closed the book with a sigh. "Fine. But it's one-on-one, okay?"

"How about three-on-three?" Raymond suggested. "We'll be on the same team."

Johan crossed his legs and opened the book again. "Forget it. I'm not playing with your friends."

"Why? It would be more fun when you're with a team. Come on, you need to relax and socialize a bit."

"Do I look like I work in a team?"

"Please?"

"No."

Raymond stood and grunted, scratching his head at Johan's stubbornness. He dribbled the ball up to his hand and seized the book in Johan's grasp. He shot him a taunting smirk.

"Asshole." Johan stood and stalked towards Raymond. "If you damage the book, I'm sending your head to the librarian."

"Which head?"

"I'm sending both." Johan adjusted his slack pants and lunged for the book, but Raymond moved it out of his reach. Growling, he whirled, trudged back to the concrete bench and grabbed his bag. "Whatever. I'm going home."

As if he'd be fooled to chase around a damn book.

"Shit." Raymond sprinted towards him and handed the encyclopedia back. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Geez! I'm just messing around."

Johan snatched the book and gripped it tight, a blank look on his face, his jaw clenched. Rage burned in his chest, but he held it and plopped back down on the bench. If Raymond was someone else, the hard spine of the encyclopedia would have been slammed in his face.

Raymond pressed his lips together and rubbed his forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm just—"

"Hand me the ball. Let's play your three-on-three or whatever." Johan removed his white buttoned-up uniform and grabbed the basketball in Raymond's hand. "Go on and call your friends."

"Nah. Let's just play one-on-one."

"Cool."

There were people already playing on the other side of the court, but the ring beside them wasn't being used. Johan walked up to the mid-court line, dribbling the ball clumsily. Raymond was on defense, his hand outstretched on both sides.

The ball gave a final thumped before Johan clutched it and charged. It would have been a traveling violation, but who gave a fuck? He's pissed. He shouldered Raymond in the chest, who grunted in pain, then raised the ball to shoot.

Gritting his teeth, Raymond tried to block him, but Johan slammed the ball at the side of his face. He hissed and looped an arm around Johan's mid-section. An elbow struck him in the cheekbone.

Johan, with both hands, threw the ball at the ring, not caring if he'd make a point or not. It only bounced on the tempered glass backboard before it fell and sprung on the ground.

Raymond kept his hold on him, head pressed against his nape. Their chest heaved up and down. He whispered, "I'm sorry," over and over.

At the warmth pressed against his back, Johan's anger slowly dissipated. Remorse had him closing his eyes, tears brimming his eyelids. He breathed in and said, "I'm sorry too," his voice shaking.

"Let's go home?"

"Yeah."

[End Of Flashback]

———

"Couz?" Sean called, snapping Johan out of his bittersweet reverie. "How long are you going to keep staring at the ball?"

Shaking his head, Johan gave an awkward laugh and pushed himself off of the court's floor. At some point in his reminiscing, Sean had rolled the ball to him to check his phone.

"Han?" Johan jolted at the voice and whipped his head around, seeing Adrian wearing a plain white shirt and yellow basketball shorts. For a split moment, he thought it was Raymond walking towards him, a beautiful smile on his face.

"Adrian? Why are you here?"