Wedding Plans

Chicken Empire

The Chicken Empire was built on an imposing mountain between two distant, hotsauce volcanoes. The volcanoes constantly covered the sky with dark and red clouds to highlight the town's ominousness. The buildings were designed like a Chinese palace, and Lord Tsao's magnificence loomed every street in the form of statues.

The great chicken lord himself mounted the stage at the doorstep of his palace, visible to all citizens. "SUBJECTS OF LORD TSAO! From this day forward, the Big Mom Pirates are entering a new era of POWER! The day we have worked toward for generations, the day we evolve into Titans on par with Great Grandma, has finally come! And you, my humble servants, will now have a chance to attain partial greatness!"

"YAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Of course, Lord Tsao desires only the most powerful candidates to serve at his side! Who among you has the potential to become an invincible Titan? We-hell, I think you can already see the answer." Tsao chortled. "I present to you… KENDRA!"

There was raving and cheering as a tremendous, obese, blonde woman in a pink shirt was carried on a parade platform. "KENDRA, KENDRA, here comes the mighty Kendra, the Kendra, Kendra!" A hillbilly man with sandy-blonde hair and a mustache was waving flags, leading the float.

"Already decreed one of our Nine Great Titans, Kendra Krinklesac is the greatest glutton in all of Sweetopia. We will shower her with a marvelous feast. Make her as massive as possible, so her evolution will be all the more powerful!"

"Awwww, Lester." Kendra cooed at her husband. "You fixed a mountain of food just for me."

"It's better than eatin' our livestock." Lester replied.

"Commence the feeding… NOW!" Tsao waved two flags, and another float with a mountain of food began rolling away, dropping its contents along the ground. Kendra fell on her front, munching along like a ravenous animal.

The Marzipan Pirates parked the Ace Flyer on a small ledge underneath the town walls. "Sounds like a party is goin' on." Augustus noticed, lollipop ready. "Great chance to sneak in. Plus, Tama will blend in well with the environment."

"O-Tama is trained to 'blend' anywhere!" The ninja used Cloak Jutsu.

"Nel get to come, too!" The cavewoman hugged Augustus, pressing her chest to his back.

"Yeah, Nel, gonna need you to get small for this one."

"Yay!!" Nel took a breath and repressed her power, shrinking to her 5-year-old form and clinging to Augustus's shoulders.

"NOW WOMAN IS SMALL?!" Tama panicked.

"She kinda asked for a special Gigai." August replied. "You three mind the plane." He and Tama began to climb the cliffside. "Man, it feels good to be big again…" (Play "Bowser's Castle 2" from Mario Odyssey!)

Stage 47: Chicken Empire

Mission: Defeat Commander Tsao now!

There was a very thin ledge the group could sidle along once up at the brick wall. Augustus had Tama go first and made note of the parts that would shake under her light weight, so he would step over those parts. They discovered a narrow hole in the wall, so Nel was asked to crawl into it. The cavechild found a way to the top of the wall, peeping out to see two Sammer Guys (short samurai in blue armor) facing the town and dancing. Nel quietly crawled out and lowered a rope down for the others to climb. Once August and Tama were up, the Sammers were alerted. Augustus clashed with one's blade and swiftly KO'ed him, and Tama jabbed the other's face with her staff while Nel chomped through his helmet.

There were barriers on either side on the wall, so the trio dropped into town. There were dancing, sentient poles waving Tsao banners over a boiling pool of ramen. Chinese dragons slithered out of the ramen in arched fashions, and could serve as platforms for the crew. They crossed to a platform with soil, from which Mogmas poked out to shoot guns. The mole humanoids repeatedly burrowed and remerged, so Tama would bash to stun them with swift timing, leaving Augustus to land the final blows. There was a bushel of Pop Gum available, and Mogmas were still sniping them from distant platforms. August fed the gum to Nel and used her as a gun to shoot the explosive candy at the Mogmas when they exposed their selves.

August then shot a distant cog, unraveling some bowl platforms from the ramen. They crossed the bowls and arrived at a town street, seeing food littered everywhere. "The earth bringeth us a most bountiful harvest!" Tama beamed, picking a loaf of bread up.

"Geez, what kind of festival just dumps food like this?" Augustus asked, trudging across the food. "It's gonna take a hell of a street-cleaner to-"

"THE KENDRA, KENDRA, FEEEEED THE KENDRA! Make her so big, we have more butt to kiss, oi!" The crew panicked when a massive woman was munching their way, a hillbilly dancing on her back. They bolted up the road, bouncing hamburger pillars to get over Whomp-Tart walls. They crossed a narrow, snaky path over a ramen river, August throwing his Gobstopper at switches to open gates. Kendra munched upriver, unbothered by its temperature, so they hastened to escape. They reached wider road and had to take down some Sammers, but five Boos would attempt to block their path. "Not so fast, buddy!" The Boos flew at them with hanging tongues.

"Tama, see if Boos like your dango!"

"Hai!" The ninja pulled five dango from her cheeks, leaving August to chuck them in the Boos' mouths like his Gobstopper. The Boos chewed happily, their white forms morphing brownish-yellow.

"Mmm, that's pretty tasty!"

"Yeah! …Hey, why're you guys brown?"

"You're brown, too."

"Was there something in that dango?"

"I dunno, but we better—AAAAAHH!" That Boo was gulped up in Kendra's mouth. The other Boos panicked and fled, the Kendra crawling after them.

"Uh…'kay. Didn't think that would happen." August said. "Glad it did!" The crew proceeded down an alternate road. A colossal Stairface Hamogre was guarding the street, the big-mouthed beast raising a giant ham-stamp. The Ogre stepped sideways to keep their route blocked. Augustus got close and tricked the Ogre into hammering his ham down. He dodged back, then jumped the stairs up the ham. He got onto the Ogre and slammed a Haki Fist on its weak top, shattering the beast. They had to climb a netted wall, but another Ogre was waiting on top. It would hammer down and knock them off with the force.

A large, round bird called a Pokio approached. It shot its beak at Augustus, who dodged and backed away. Tama held a dango up for the bird to stick. The dango was retracted into the bird, and it fell in love with the Historian. She climbed onto the Pokio, who could poke the wall behind the net and fling itself higher. When the Ogre hammered, it couldn't force them down while they were midair. The Pokio stuck to the ham and flung up to the Ogre's forehead. Tama told it to poke the yellow gap in its head, destroying the Ogre. Her team climbed up, and a horde of Pokios toddled toward them. Tama's steed swiftly poked each one and defeated them.

But two tiny figures zipped by and cut Tama's animal down, horrifying the child. Augustus indicated the Mini-Sammers zooming around, the six-inch samurai leaving trails of dust in their wake. They zipped by and cut the feet of August and Tama, but would escape before a retaliation. With swift timing, Augustus stomped one of them flat and Tama whacked the other away. The crew entered an enclosed area over a ramen pit, having to cross bridges to pillars leading across. A Sumo Sammer guarded the first pillar, curling into a ball to roll across the bridge. Augustus firmly stopped him, grabbed, and hauled him off the bridge.

No one seemed to be guarding the next pillar—a Ninjoe poofed and cut the ropes with shurikens. The bridge fell back against the other pillar, but the crew thankfully landed on a platform. They jumped platforms to return to the base of the 2nd pillar, climbing its rugged side to get on top. Augustus slashed the Ninjoe, but it used Substitution with a bomb, August dodging. The ninja leapt from behind, but Nel dealt him a headbutt to knock him off. They crossed a bridge to the 3rd pillar, from which a white Sammer shot sword beams. August blocked the beams with his blade until he was able to cut the guard down.

A bridge led them to an area above a street, covered with raving spike-headed Sammers. They raised and waved banners, and it seemed the only way to advance was to grab the poles and hop between them. Also curious was that the banners had food on them—"KENDRA, KENDRA, FEEEEED THE KENDRA! She's big and she's fat and she looks like that!"

Kendra was stomping up the road, eating the food off the banners. The Marzipans hurriedly hopped the poles! Two of them quickly shifted side-to-side, making them tricky to jump, and the next round of banners sank up and down in the spiked crowd. Past this, they could land atop a snake-dragon made of food, raised by the crowd as Kendra stomped to munch it as well. Sammers leapt onto the dragon to attack the intruders, Augustus kicking them off. Some people were shaking giant pies, which could be used as platforms. Due to their swerving, it was hard to balance and jump the pies.

The crew jumped and clung to a very tall pole wrapped in sausages. The Kendra chomped the bottom as the rest slowly sank into her mouth, and it seemed the crew couldn't climb fast enough. All they could do was keep away from Kendra, but to their fortune, a gate opened on the nearby wall as some Sammers came to drop more food down, but the crew could thankfully jump in and escape the giant. They were in a small plaza, but the way forward was blocked by a barrier. There was a hole in one of the buildings, so Augustus sent Nel inside.

The cavechild found herself inside a bar of Sumo Sammers. She stayed down and silent, quietly creeping along the floor like an oversized rat. The big-bellied Sammers could not see past their bellies as they guzzled sake in bliss. So long as Nel stayed away from their boots, she could locate a key hanging on one's belt, swipe it, and crawl her way back to Aughsucks. They opened the barrier to a walkway leading over a spike-headed crowd. A spike-armored Sumo Sammer curled up and rolled, so August applied Haki to grab him safely and throw.

The rest of the walkway was suddenly warped to a sub-dimension by some Space Sammers. The neon Sammers would warp around the area and slash beams. The crew returned to the start and noticed a Pop Gum bushel, August using Nel to shoot them at the warping Sammers. Once all had fallen, the bridge returned from the sub-space. They fully crossed the spiked crowd and came to a ramen pool divided in segments. They would have to jump swirling chopsticks to cross the segments, but each set of chopsticks would go under noodle-falls. There were switches lined on the wall along it, so while riding the spinning chopsticks, Augustus quickly chucked his Gobstopper at the switches to stop the falls.

They took a moment to rest after that quick-thinking area. They would now have to cross a grated floor—Mini-Sammers would bounce up from under the grate and stab through their shoes, the group retreating before too much pain could be done. There was a bushel of Shrink Sweets a short way across, though they may not make it before their soles were fully punctured. Tama poofed Shadow Clones and formed a stack with her on top. The bottom Tama crossed the grate, was repeatedly stabbed, and poofed. The second Tama continued, then was poofed, but the main Tama could land on the safe foothold in time. She took three Shrink Sweets and returned with the same tactic. The three crewmates ate them and minimized.

With their smallness, they could cross the bars of the grated floor, the Sammers' swords unable to poke them. Past the grate, a small slope led them to a bushel of Growth Gum, and past that was a main road with tables of more food. "Keep yer ears open, boys." A Mogma sniper ordered, several others scanning the tables on platforms. "Don't let those intruders mess up Kendra's feeding any further."

"I don't like the look of this." Augustus said. "Nel, only you eat the Growth Gum. Stay under the tables and carry us quickly. Take a few more pieces for us, though." Nel nodded and chewed the gum, puffing back to normal. The other two rested in the eye sockets of her skull mask as Nel crept under the tables.

"Kendra, Kendra, Big Booty Kendra! Where are you at, getting quite so fat~?" With Kendra storming up the road, Nel had to crawl quickly. She managed to evade detection from the Mogmas, whose platforms would crumble when Kendra came, and the cavegirl was able to find a Minish operative taped under a table. After passing the tables and snipers, Nel could run normally over the food-cluttered ground, the route turning left over a ramen river.

There was a Pokio, so Tama ate the gum next to puff to normal and feed the bird. Carrying little Augustus, she and Nel rode the bird, who had to stick its beak in the building walls and fling further along. Some parts were metal and couldn't be poked, a fact they were wary of while proceeding. They landed on a platform with a Balloon Gum, which Tama quickly chewed and blew a bubble to carry them up the wall. It seemed they were nearing Tsao's palace, but Kendra clambered up the wall to munch the food being poured down. Tama steered the gum where there was less food, as it would push them down.

Once up the wall, Tama released the gum to catch her breath. There was another gum bushel, but this time it was Bounce Gum. They fed Augustus the Growth Gum to re-enlarge him, and both girls rode their captain as he bounced the gum across a crowd of Sumo Sammers, or rather their large plates of offerings to Kendra. The giant glutton was quickly munching their way, but there was luckily little to obstruct them. Hamogres slammed ham down from either side, but Augustus evaded them.

The path ended at a red Jell-O tower, adding extra strength to their bounce. They made it to the top and overlooked a Jell-O platform down below. A shadow loomed over them: somehow, the Kendra was flung up to the sky, and was going to flatten the tower. "AAAAAH!" With fear-stricken faces, they leapt down to the lower jelly platform—Kendra's weight crushed the tower, causing that platform to spring up as a new tower, and blast them to the heavens.

"WaaaaaaAAAAHH!" Lord Tsao heard screaming and gazed up in shock: Augustus, Tama, and Nel crashed on the top of his flagpole, swapping his majestic likeness to an atrocious golden flag with Augustus's ugly skull. (End song.)

"YOU! So, you finally show yourself at last, Augustus von Fizzuras!" The Cucco Lord drew his sword and trained it to August's neck.

"Hey, Uncle Tsao." August spat his lolli-stick into Tsao's eye. "You're as proud as ever, I see."

"And you're as ever envious at Lord Tsao's remarkable talents! Coming all this way just to ruin my flag, hoff! Is there no end to your arrogance?"

"No and I won't even argue that. What's with the festival?"

"Our lovely Kendra will be the first to become a Titan in Tsao's army, and she will be the strongest of all Titans! We'll make her so big pre-transformation that her Titan form will be legendary!"

"I can't believe you're supporting this, Tsao. Hell, if your people become Titans, they won't have the conscience to admire you. Plus, it's just a terrible thing to do, but I assume that's all you would care about."

"Tsao receives enough admiration. But one cannot have enough power, Augustus, and Tsao deserves no worse than powerful giants to cater to his every whim."

"Let's just go at it and get it over with, Tsao." Augustus drew his sword. "You know we're dyin' to cut each other down."

"Only one of us, my disowned cousin. This festival is not complete without a good, bloody combat!"

"Nah, I'm in the mood for scrambled egg~" (Play "Chicken Fight" from Family Guy!)

Boss fight: Minister of Chicken, Lunch Commander, TSAO

Both swordsmen clashed their blades with vigor, the children backing away for safety. Their technique was on par, but Tsao grabbed his bladed shield and swung it to make August leap away. He surfed the shield to Augustus, who dodged and threw a Gobstopper at Tsao's head. He was barely moved by the attack, the chicken about-facing to swing his shield. Augustus got his sword lodged between its blades, creating a stalemate as Tsao jabbed his sword underneath the shield. August shifted to dodge, then grabbed the sword in his free, Haki hand and yanked it away. He used it to knock the shield away, then dealt an "X" strike to cut Tsao into four pieces.

"YAY!" Nel jumped. "Augsus won!"

"Not yet. Look."

Tama gazed with wonder as it seemed Tsao had melted into scrambled egg (so did his sword). The yolk puffed and hatched Tsao in archer clothing. Tsao flew away and shot a Spring Arrow to bounce Augustus across town, pushing the kids as well. They landed in a field, watching as archery targets rose and started moving. From the opposite side, Tsao tried to shoot them. Augustus tried to stay behind the targets as he dodged up. Once at Tsao, he slashed the chicken, and Tsao quickly took to the air to snipe him from above. He moved around evasively, knowing Augustus was about to throw his Gobstopper. Meanwhile, Tama revealed to Nel a Pop Gum she had taken just in case. The cavegirl ate it, and Tama used both hands to aim her at Tsao. Tama kicked her back, spitting a Pop Gum at the chicken.

His tail feathers caught fire, and in blowing it out, August whammed his beak with the Gobstopper. Tsao fell to the ground and was sliced by the Lemon Cutlass. His yolk rebirthed him into a surfer dude, flexing his muscles cockily. He stomped a switch, dropping them all down a trapdoor. The trio landed on a surfboard and Tsao his own, waves carrying them in an underground lake with fans blowing. Tsao whooshed around on his board and washed a wave over his foes, flipping them over. Augustus hauled his kids back on and swam to Tsao normally, managing to match his surfing speed. Augustus punched up to knock Tsao off the board, but he simply flapped up to avoid splashing in.

The chicken pulled a lever on the ceiling, smirking as the lake was flushed down a drain and his adversary with it. Tama glared at the cheater and made a Shadow Clone stack, Nel climbing to the top and pouncing Tsao. She chomped his head in her teeth, the Cucco trying to tug her off, but falling in the lake in the process. He swirled down the drain with the rest, and they washed out in a street. Augustus sliced Tsao, who was reborn as a biker. His sunglasses twinkling, Tsao jacked a guy and stole his bike. Augustus took a bike with a cabby, his kids riding said wagon.

Tsao dropped bombs from his bike, August evasively steering. Once close enough, Augustus threw the Gobstopper at Tsao's back wheel, breaking it, but Tsao was quick to fly off before August could ram him. The chicken grabbed the bike to whack him with it, so August cut his bike free of the cab and clashed with him. Nearby citizens thought they were cuckoo fighting this way. The links of Tsao's wheel split as he smashed it over Augustus, trapping his neck as he whirled the bike and slammed him into a wall. August sliced the wheel from the bike, rolled around Tsao, and severed him again.

Just as his yolk hatched, Tsao zipped into a building window. August leapt after… they were in a kitchen? Chef Tsao was proudly chopping a celery—he tossed the knife at Augustus, who ducked. Tsao grabbed a hot pan as a weapon, August countering with his sword. The captain was backed into a wall, glancing up at a shelf of condiments. He grabbed salt and chucked it at Tsao's eyes, the Cucco sneezing. August stabbed him, but Tsao was able slam the pan at his arm, August yelping from the heat. Tsao whacked him against a counter, knives falling off. Augustus grabbed and threw them into Tsao, followed by cleaving him in two.

When Tsao rebirthed, he was a sumo wrestler. With a palm thrust, Augustus blew out of the building's wall, and Tsao leapt through the roof to crush him. Augustus hacked spit and tried to stab him, but Tsao leapt off. Tsao leapt belly-first, Augustus meeting his gut with his fist. Tsao smacked his sword away and grabbed Augustus's shoulders, the captain thrusting rapid punches into the chicken's belly. After enough solid hits to the stomach, Tsao began to grow sick and lose his grip. Augustus then leapt behind, grabbed Tsao's head, and twisted until it came off. As he morphed into an egg, Augustus recovered his sword and readied to face the ninja Tsao.

He whirled nun-chucks and hardened them with Haki. He dodged August's strikes and whacked the boy with the chucks. August chucked the Gobstopper at his face, Tsao dodging, August stabbed near his left, Tsao returned—the Gobstopper bounced off the building behind and hit his head, distracting Tsao enough for August to knock the chucks away. Augustus stabbed him, but Tsao used Substitution with a garbage can, then the ninja threw kunai from behind. August turned sideways to slip between the blades, and in the process chucked his sword into Tsao's head. He leapt to re-grab the blade and force it down Tsao's body. He split into yolk again and became his base form.

"Hoff…hoff… A wretched brat could not hope to match Tsao." The Rito gasped, bleeding in the waist.

"Can't I? Looks like your injuries are catching up to you." Augustus smiled. "The Egg Fruit makes your skin softer, but prevents you from dying to fatal injuries. Regardless, your pain catches up after a while. All I gotta do is cut you up a few more times."

"You had luck battling one Tsao at a time. But try to battle ALL OF THEM!" Tsao leapt away, drew a syringe, and injected.

"Crap!" Augustus cursed, watching as Tsao's body morphed and swelled into yolk. With a greater BURST, he was reborn again in a golden robe, flowing hair, and sparkling feathers.

"Now Tsao is All 'Round Talent! There is nothing he cannot do!" Tsao drew a bow and shot multiple arrows, August cutting them away. He flew to a bike and rode it around, still shooting arrows, circling Augustus before jumping to sumo-slam him to the ground. Augustus stabbed him, Tsao leaping off and using doctoring to spread medicine and bandages. He leapt to a garbage can and used garbage man talent to throw bags at Augustus, and while he was dodging them, Tsao bent a fire hydrant at the right angle to shoot a gush of water and push him back.

"Ho HO! Tsao was already perfect, but now he is more perfect than ever! Dr. Pickles unlocked the way to awaken all of Tsao's talent and strength! A one-minded boy like you could never match us!"

"Heh… all the Tsaos, huh?" Augustus opened a new lollipop. "So, tell me… Which 'Tsao' is the best at their talent?"

"The archer/fireman/doctor/cook/cab-driver… HUH?!?" It seemed like Tsao choked on a bunch of different answers, then his eyes tried to look into himself.

"It's one thing to be talented at everything, but even those people have a talent they excel at. What's yours?"

"Obviously, the original Tsao, who is a swordsman! Pah! The archer Tsao could snipe a fly 100 miles away. What if Tsao gets injured, who's going to treat him? THE FIREMAN?! WELL, Doctor, I'd like to see YOU put out a forest fire! No one hangs six like Surfer Tsao, 'dude.' Surfing is just a lazy man's way of biking! And can bikers stealthily sneak into an enemy fortress? I don't think so. Any respectable Tsao knows that STRENGTH is the key, ergo it is I, Sumo Tsao! You are not stronger than I!" He punched himself. "I am when I use numbing medicine!" He injected a syringe. "Coffee Tsao has a countermeasure!" He drank a sizzling cup. "Blech! This coffee displeases Dentist Tsao! It is I! No, I! I am the better Tsao! It is crucial to know how to drive! I'll bet you couldn't deliver a baby chick!"

Augustus watched with disbelief as the commander beat himself up. He snuck a look at Dr. Pickles' research notes, remarking their accuracy. Tsao's Egg Fruit allows him to be 'reborn' with different talents. Although his base personality is retained between forms, if his psyche changes to become more adapt with different talents, it is possible the different 'Tsaos' each have their own psyche that happens to be replicated from each other. If the Awakening Serum awakens all of Tsao's talents at once, it is possible the different 'minds' will be melded together.

"YOU WOULD NOT EXIST if not for Original Tsao! You needed Archer Tsao because you KNEW you were inferior! No, he obviously wanted a doctor! Well, Doctor, what's the treatment for this?!" He tried to choke himself.

Tama and Nel walked up to Augustus, looking confused. "What hast happened, August'n?"

"Poor guy just can't figure out what to do with his life." He handed them both lollipops. "On some level, I respected Tsao's arrogance. I'm pretty big-headed myself. But at least I know I'm not good at everything. That's why I need a crew. And the lesson here is, as long as you accept your limitations, you can be as proud as you want. But trying to cover too many skills will just destroy you. Especially if you just get them through drugs."

Tama and Nel shared a smile. Feeling like they learned something, they ate their lollis. "Well, let's get back to ship and call the ops. Tsao should be knocked out by the time they arrive. We, on the other hand, have a wedding to prep for." (End song.)

Somewhere on the sea

The Raccoon and Shiny Pirates fought their way out of the marshlands with all of Luna Nova, boarding the Sunny Day, Stanship, and stealing a few Big Mom ships to carry everybody. New Galaxian operatives had arrived to restrain the invading Titans, first clearing a path for their escape. A great wave was brought up from the sea, under the command of a white-skinned girl in blue witch's clothes with anchors. The witch, Wadanohara, knocked the Titans over with the wave, trying to drown them until they stopped squirming.

"HEY!" Karkat yelled. "We were ordered not to kill the Titans! If they weren't innocent people, I'd off them in a heartbeat."

"I'm not trying to drown them completely!" Wada argued.

"I was talking to her, smarty!"

"Hurrrrrrrr!" A slender person with mint-green, gem-like hair was trying to strangle a fallen Titan with golden, molded substance from their arms. "Hey, I don't wanna kill them as much as you do, but they're so darn… STUBBORN…!"

"Phos, watch out!" yelled one of their friends.

"WAAAAH!" Phos panicked, seeing a Titan about to fall on them mouth-first, but they dodged just in time. "Dammit! I thought these things ate flesh, not rocks!"

"They're under Sherry's control, so they'll eat anything that's against the crew." Karkat replied, jumping to bash a Titan's head with his Clawsickle. "Maybe they'll be more docile once she's taken down. …Or they'll just turn on each other. Ugh, why does everything have to be so complicated?"

Aurora faced the marshlands with worry as they shrank into the distance. "Are you sure they'll be okay?"

"Relax, those are some of our best sectors." Rawberry replied, helping herself to a cooked bat. "Don't forget, there's tons of strong monsters from our worlds, anyway."

"Dang it, that Pawtucket guy didn't sneak any booze on him." A silver robot with extendable limbs walked out. "What, am I expected to live off soda?"

"Oi, it's Bender!" Sheila recognized. "'ey, Bender! What've you been doin'?"

"Lootin' the Yonko for all their valuables, what else? Thieving is my 2nd hobby. That was before this pink chick here asked me to go with her to some big tree place."

"A big tree place?" Aurora questioned.

"I'll explain once everyone else is gathered." Rawberry replied.

After a while, the Raccoons saw the familiar ships of the Marzipan, Luxury, and Story Pirates. Behind the Marzipans' was the Ivory Castle, for they were informed beforehand that a Commander was convinced to join them. Even now, Augustus was seated on the deck of his ship with Pea in his lap, sharing a laugh over Tsao's embarrassing end.

"Although, I guess this kinda breaks my promise." Augustus said. "I didn't beat up Tsao myself, did I?"

"It's okay, Augustus. That was way more fun!"

"Aww, I'm happy, Pea. …But I hope you're happy with taking Grandma down."

Pea frowned and looked away. "I've been taking orders from Grandma's spirit ever since I was six. She was sometimes scary, but I thought she was silly. But after this… I think…I think Grandma's soul needs to rest…"

"Yeah… Resurrection ain't really healthy, is it? I'd wanna rest, too."

Once all allied ships were together, most of the Nextgen Pirates met within the ivory castle on the ship of the same name, where Pea was showing them a diagram of a tree. "This is where Grandma hosts her weddings." She pointed a stick at the top of the tree. "This is called the First Tree. It was the very first Sacred Tree grown 5,000 years ago to seal Malladus, later converted to a KND treehouse like the others."

"The First Tree…" Aurora repeated. "I vaguely remember seeing that written in the Book of KND."

"Emily mentioned it when I visited the museum one time." Goombella replied. "Nobody knew where it was."

"That's because our crew took it a bunch of years ago." Pea explained. "It belonged to Carl, so obviously Grandma wanted to own it. Then she wanted a cathedral built on the very top. Our mages cast a spell around the tree to keep anything from landing on the top. The only way is to go through the inside."

"Oh, I'm way ahead of you on this." Rawberry winked. "I've already concocted a plan. And this guy is gonna help."

"I got Pawtucket to spit in this bottle." Bender held it up. "Let's see if it does the trick." He took a drink.

"WAIT A SEC, how old are you?!" screamed the chained brewer. "If you're below 21, I'm gonna flip!"

"When I found out Grandma got the cake back, I hoped she would take it to the top of the tree and eat it during the wedding. If that were the case, I was going to have Bender use his immense strength to bend the entire tree and make the cake slide off."

"He can seriously do that?" Mason asked.

"Have you forgotten that I am great?" Bender remarked.

"And I doubt Grandma would expect something like that to happen." Rawberry continued. "I studied the height of the tree, and I'm planning to stand at the exact spot the cake will land when Bender bends it at the pre-discussed angle."

"Wait, why're we knocking the cake off the tree again?" Mason asked. "Shouldn't we just destroy it as soon as we see it? Not let Grandma have a chance to eat it?"

"Yeah…" Rawberry blushed, "the thing is… I kinda wanna eat the cake."

"Why the heck should we allow that?!" Augustus shouted.

"For two reasons. First, since I'm the original 'Linlin,' I'll be more adept with the Candy Virus, and I shouldn't go as crazy as Sherry did. But the main reason is that I'm positive the cake is connected to the 'Foodborn' I bred. We still don't know whether or not the pirates have the Newborn in their possession, but if they do, they'll definitely use it if Grandma is on the ropes. Plus, we can't rule out Grandma having reserve power or something, so either way, if I make myself stronger by eating the cake, we'll have a biting chance."

"Unless you go crazy and we'll have to fight you." Goombella noted.

"'ey, if I ate the cake before, why can't I eat it again?" Sheila asked. "All I'd need is the Spinach Kingdom's spinach to make me right again."

"No way!" Haruka yelled. "Sheila, you only ate a few crumbs, and they contained enough Light Chi that they enhanced your own. Even then, your chi was weakened during that You-Know-What Month. Eating the whole cake is a terrible idea."

"Yeh… good point." Sheila stared at her hand. "Heh, that'd be a terrible thing to do to me mum's Light Chi!"

"But in the event I do go crazy," Rawberry said, "then feel free to destroy me. However, before we go with the Bender plan, you guys need to climb to the top of the tree and manage the situation. Get the cake outside so it can slide off, make sure Sherry or none of the other pirates don't take it…"

"You know she'll wanna eat it as soon as we burst in." Harry said. "It's gonna be hella hard to get it outside, let alone distract or restrain her for long enough. It'll be easier to try and destroy it."

"If you really have to, I wouldn't blame you. But please at least try. The kind of extra power that cake could give us could just be enough to help us win. …And I reaaaallllly wanna know how it tastes." The troll drooled.

"There's one more problem we need to address." Pea mentioned. "There's another spell around the First Tree that blocks out anyone who doesn't have an Invitation. Back in January," she raised two envelops, "Grandma handed Invitations out to all of us officers. This extra one I have was Uncle Ernesto's… but…"

"So, that's what these were." Akko held up an envelop. "My friends found these on the Breakfast Club."

"I swiped Tsao's, too." Augustus revealed.

"My sister got this from Smoothie's shriveled-up body." Dillon revealed.

"You already have some? That's great!" Pea beamed. "How many are there?"

"Including yours, we have nine." Aurora counted. "That's nowhere near enough for all of us."

"Well, Oi'm definitely going." Sheila smirked.

"Me, too." Akko said.

"AND ME!" Goombella jumped.

"Why do you need to go?" Augustus asked.

"She called dibs on Goomnut." Nagisa replied. "That's why we're here to begin with."

"This may be my last chance to get an actual solo battle, and with a Goomba no less!"

"I shall go, too." Diana offered.

"I gotta be there for my bro." Lola knew.

"Same here." George nodded.

"Me-me-me-me!" Carol kicked her feet gleefully.

"And Bender may need one to be able to bend the tree." Rawberry figured.

"That's eight." Mason counted. "Who's last?"

"YOU, of course!" Sheila stated. "I need me first mate with me!"

"But shouldn't Augustus be…"

"Nah, you can go with her." Augustus shrugged. "I'll help manage the situation below."

"Same here." Miyuki said. "Bring Kayla and Terry back safely."

"Alright. It's decided." Aurora took a breath. "Let's head for the First Tree ASAP. Before she eats the cake… Before Kayla and Terry are forced to marry… let's go!"

The band of ships sailed for the horizon at full speed. Anxiety weighed on their hearts, knowing of the intense battle to come. It was time to battle their 4th Emperor… and, hopefully, end this war at last.

The First Tree

Terry took a nervous breath, staring at himself in the mirror. He looked nicely dressed. To think he was about to get married… He hoped it would go well. All he had to do was say-

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?! We're fucking teens and that bitch is making us get married! This is so disgusting and wrong, but we can't do anything! We…we…"

"Terry?" MaKayla peeked in. "Are you ready?"

"Huh?" He whipped around. "Oh…ya…ya."

His best friend walked up and gently took his hand. "Don't worry… it'll be fine. We'll destroy the cake and try our darnest to escape. Just… have hope."

"Sigh…okay."

They held hands and walked—"Whoa!" MaKayla tripped on her glass heels. "Grrrr… I hate these things." Terry helped her up, and they continued. The light of the wedding hall greeted them… with Queen Sherbet at the podium. Her treasured cake loomed behind her, like a grand prize guarded by a final boss.

…

…

About 5,000 years ago

A young, chubby man, one of Queen Sherry's sons, walked up to the massive grave to lay a bouquet of equally-sized flowers down. "Happy birthday, Mom. I hope you're resting well up there. The family's doing great. We've conquered tons of towns. …Oh?"

He noticed a rather colorful egg half-buried in the soil. Curious, the young man went to pick it up. It was about infant size and smelled and felt sweet. "Strange… did a large bird lay this? Either way… this smells delicious!"

And so, he went home to cook the egg on a large stove. He then put it on a plate and, with a pudgy smile, ate the yolk one piece at a time. "Mmmmmm… sho yummy…"

Even for what the Linlin Pirates served, this egg possessed a taste unlike any he had ever known. It was too incredible… too delicious… he couldn't stop eating… "Oh…more…more…" He fell to despair after the last drop traveled down his throat. His plate was utterly void, as if nothing had been served at all. "Where did this egg… come from… I need to have more…more…"

His family's natural cravings began to overtake him. Rather than be filled and satisfied with such an exotic meal, he was now starving, drowning in lust. "Must… find… more… MUST… GET… MORE…" The base turned incredibly dark as tremendous power built within him. His desires took physical shape. "MOOOORE…MOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRE…"

That entire valley on Avalar faced total destruction. Between pirates and magical military, it took everything they had to stop that man. And by the end, none of them ever knew what became of him after the fact.