Her Confusion

The door to the study burst open a second time, with Rebecca and Sir Verret rushing into the room. Sir Verret's presence surprised me, but I didn't have time to think about why he was there.

I played up my injury and made it appear as if I was too stunned to immediately stand. I managed to squeeze out a tear or two, even though my first instinct was to ignore any pain and maintain my composure. I can only hope that Rebecca and Sir Verret won't stop long enough to consider my typical behaviors.

To my delight the noise was enough to draw other servants as well. People who don't have as much experience dealing with me every day, and who might not know how unaffected I typically am by pain. Only a select few people are aware of my regular punishments, but there might be some who have seen me training with Sir Verret. The more people who see my state now, the less likely all of them will know about my regular demeanor.

Rebecca was the first to my side, pulling me up by my arm a little too quickly, the pressure from her grip being slightly painful. I ignored it and straightened my back so I could present myself more sympathetically to everyone arriving.

"I'm so-sorry everyone, there's nothing wr-wrong here. I simply stumbled as Professor Henry was providing me with gu-guidance."

With Professor Henry still standing there holding the book like a cudgel and looking stunned, it would be hard to believe he was just 'providing me with guidance'. Combine that with my previous position of lying on the ground, and after making all that noise, I don't think anyone believes a word of what I just said. As a matter of fact I think I saw a servant near the door running off, possibly to inform Sir Trevor or my father.

Rebecca looks nervous, though I'm not sure why she would be. The only person who did anything wrong according to the rules of the House was Professor Henry.

I attempt to present an expression of discomfort, though it's probably not very pronounced as I'm not used to doing that, and stuttered a bit more.

"I-if anyone is wo-worried about me, please don't be. I'll be composed shortly. I do-don't want to shame the Duchy of Arkesh."

Professor Henry's expression as I said that was one of relief. He's an idiot if he thinks any insistence of mine that the people of this house do something or ignore something will be effective in preventing his punishment. He should know by now how little weight my words carry here.

And of course, as predicted, Sir Trevor arrived.

"Young Lady Marisilea Arkesh, what has happened here."

I'll need to word this subtly enough to make it seem as if nothing truly bad happened, while also implying that something did but that I don't want to make anything come of it.

"Professor Henry was just in the midst of his instruction when I had mentioned that I didn't understand a portion of the material we covered yesterday. Due to his eagerness while providing guidance on it, I grew excited and stumbled, knocking some things off the table, and falling to the ground. I'm fine now though Sir Trevor."

He's staring at me like he could burn a hole in my head. I think I've got him.

"Professor Henry, Sir Verret, and Miss Rebecca, please come with me."

And with that, all the key players are out of the room. I'm sure Sir Verret will tell the truth. Rebecca will probably be pressured to agree with Sir Verret as she was with him when I was discovered. That leaves poor Professor Henry alone to defend himself.

Let's hope I get to see him stripped of his titles and expelled from the Duchy at a minimum.

I heard nothing about Professor Henry until just after breakfast the next day when I was called once again to my father's office.

Knocking, then hearing his perfunctory "Enter", I arrived in front of his desk again.

This time his desk was empty of documents and he was standing patiently behind it as if he was waiting for me.

"You called for me father?"

"Marisilea, tell me the truth of what happened with Professor Henry yesterday."

"Did Professor Henry say anything about my behavior?"

I'm trying to word things to make it appear as if I'm nervous about what might happen to me. My father knows about my typical disposition, so trying to play emotional for sympathy won't work here. The only thing I can work with is my words.

"What Professor Henry said matches the statements you made yesterday, but Sir Verret and Miss Rebecca's statement contradicts that, so I need to know the truth of things Marisilea. What happened?"

His tone means I won't be able to push this off and play with my words anymore. I guess I'll need to say it outright.

"Professor Henry came into the study yesterday and said he wanted to have a word with me privately. After dismissing Rebecca, he continued on with how he wanted me to ask you to keep him here as my instructor for politics until I'm either accepted into the Academy or married. He followed that up saying that he doubted my ability to enter the Academy."

I saw my father's expression darken. I've not seen him change his expression much. To be fair, I don't see much of him at all, but the servants also say that he's very 'taciturn and impassive' normally. The words they used were much more polite than what I would have said.

"He said you were incapable. Were those his exact words?"

"His exact words were '… until you are either admitted to the Academy or married off. Not that I believe you'll be able to achieve the former'."

His face twisted into a sneer. This is possibly the most emotion I've ever seen or heard about coming from my father. I'm honestly surprised that he's this expressive over something about me, but I know it's more about the honor of the Duchy in this case.

"And why were you found on the floor with your study materials scattered around?"

"I'm reluctant to say father as it could besmirch my position."

"I'm ordering you to do so, so continue."

I have to appear at least a little hesitant here, so a short pause might help.

"… He picked up one of his books, approached my back, and struck me with it. He then requested again that I speak to you. When I mentioned that it wasn't within my power, he struck me more. Eventually I couldn't take it and fell over."

He turned his back to me and paced around his desk. Pausing for just a moment and taking in a deep breath, he then looked up at the portrait of the founding Duke behind his desk.

"Marisilea, please go to your room to change into some clothes appropriate to show your back to me and then return to my office."

This is not what I was expecting to happen at all, but I can't ignore his commands, so I leave his room with as much haste as politely possible.

When I arrived at my room I was greeted by Lizabeth.

"What's going on m'lady? I heard that Rebecca and Professor Henry have been confined!"

"Professor Henry has overstepped his boundaries and injured me personally, so father is probably going to call for his punishment. You don't need to worry about me, I don't think I will get in trouble for this."

"I'm certain he won't be able to punish you for something like that. Professor Henry has gone too far, and he will receive a punishment befitting a man of his poor behavior."

I agreed with her, but I was still uneasy about things. Her voice was tinged with concern as well.

"Don't worry about me Lizabeth. I'll be able to weather this storm. I've been through worse."

My words didn't seem to completely reassure her though.

"I have to change and return to my father's office so he can see what injuries Professor Henry may have caused, will you be joining me?"

She was quick to respond.

"No m'lady, I have to assist with the kitchen staff soon."

I wish Lizabeth could be there to support me, but I can't put this off any longer.

It didn't take me long to change into one of my training outfits and return to his office. Standing beside my father was my mother. I can't tell exactly why but she's looking at me with pity. I don't care honestly. If she wanted to show concern, it's too late now.

Father told Sir Trevor and the maid accompanying me to leave the room after I had entered.

"I will turn around and your mother will help you pull your shirt up in a way that protects your dignity. When you are ready, you may tell me to turn back around."

Why was his voice suddenly soft? What was going on?

Not wanting to delay this any longer and not really wanting the assistance of my mother, I turned to face the door and pulled the back of my shirt up to my collar. Bunching the shirt up and pinning it to my sides with my arms and elbows, I glanced at my mother to see if I was decent.

She wasn't looking at my face but staring at my back. I could see redness welling up around her eyes as well. She's never cared to ask about me before, and now that I'm injured and she can see it, she's upset? Both of my parents are behaving strangely today.

"Mother, am I decent enough for father to look?"

"Oh, yes. Your clothes are fine now."

I could only turn my head a little because of the way my shirt was situated, and it was difficult to see my father's face. I could hear the shuffling of his feet as he turned around. There was a very long moment of silence before I heard his heavy footsteps slowly approaching me.

I saw his shadow fall across my shoulder, and that's when I could make out his face.

He looked pale and upset. Maybe a bit sad? I was sure I'd seen more emotions on my father than possible earlier, but this is… a lot. He's making a lot of expressions, but none of them made sense to me. Anger, fear, disappointment, and sadness were some of the more pronounced ones that I could make out.

Why? Why now? And what for? The injury on my back this time is nothing in comparison to the damage that was done with my whippings. The scars from some of those are still present, so why care now?

Suddenly I felt his cold fingers touch my back where the bruise was, brushing across the scars from my whippings. I tensed up and sucked in a bit of air. I never expected he would touch my back, and the way his hand is lingering on my scars is causing doubt to creep in. This caused him to pull his hand back at least.

"You may put your shirt back down."

There was a long moment of silence between us after I had managed to suitably rearrange my clothes.

"Marisilea, is there anything you'd like to tell us, or something you'd like to add?"

"No, father."

"The remainder of your classes for today will be cancelled. You can see Professors Maxi and James off tomorrow. Please send in Sir Trevor on your way out."

"Yes Father."

The solemn atmosphere that accompanied his words was oppressive. Things have become incredibly confusing and I'm not sure what's going on anymore.

I did as my father asked by telling Sir Trevor he was needed, and then I briefly returned to my room. With no classes today I was unsure of what to do with myself, so I eventually went to the library.

I spent the remainder of that long day reading in between my meals. I couldn't shake the feeling of something horrible gnawing at my heart.

I awoke the next morning to a maid other than Lizabeth opening my curtains. I waited a few minutes hoping to see her come in, but she never did.

She hadn't told me that she'd be taking leave, so where was she?

Turning to the maid, I decided to ask her directly.

"Is Lizabeth sick or on leave today?"

"No, m'lady. Lizabeth has been reassigned by the Duke."

I froze and my heart sank. For what purpose did he reassign Lizabeth, and why now? So many things keep happening that don't make any sense. Maybe he's mad that she wasn't there when Professor Henry assaulted me? But she can't always be by my side, so that doesn't make sense either.

There's a growing unease in my heart, something screaming at me to listen. It was just a quiet murmur as I tried to muddle through yesterday, but it's grown louder. I immediately tried to stamp it out.

Sometimes the best method is to directly ask someone else.

"Do you know where she's been reassigned to?"

"No, m'lady. All of your new maids weren't told where anyone was reassigned to."

"New maids?"

"Yes, m'lady. The Duke ordered that all maids assigned to the north wing be reassigned late yesterday, and new ones were brought over from the other wings of the manor. I'm told that he will be hiring more maids soon as well."

Was I so distracted by my thoughts yesterday that I completely ignored the restructuring of the entire personnel in the north wing? Why was this happening?

"Is it only the maids?"

"I believe the staff in the kitchens have also been reassigned, but there's not enough people to replace them, so all of your meals will have to be arranged from the central kitchens until more are hired."

Every answer she gave me caused my heart to start to sink deeper into the abyss. The confusion I'm feeling is crushing me, and the screaming in my heart is growing into a cacophony.

I have a welcome distraction from my spiraling confusion though, as now I need to get ready to see my Professors off.

With the absence of Lizabeth, getting ready took longer than usual, which meant I had more time with my thoughts.

My goodbyes with Professors Maxi and James were short and a little bittersweet. They never treated me poorly, and I always had the impression that whenever they were assigning me extra work it was only because they were following orders.

Following their departure though, I went to my father's office to inquire about what was going on in the north wing of the manor. I found myself standing in front of his desk once again, this time coming to see him without being summoned. I was even more uncomfortable now than ever before, but for a different reason, as I was hoping to ease the gnawing suspicions in my heart.

"Father, where is Lizabeth and what is going on with the personnel in the north wing?"

He was just staring at me, waiting for something.

"Is there something I should know? Have I done something to cause this?"

"No, Marisilea. This wasn't caused by you. I have a few questions for you though."

"Yes, father?"

"How long before your Ceremony was the last meal you ate that could be considered healthy?"

Why is he suddenly concerned about when he reduced the budget to the north wing and its kitchens? That started over three years ago, and nothing came of it then, so why now. More unease seeped into my thoughts. Was I just trying to convince myself of something?

"It was probably less than a year after the Young Master Noah was born, so almost ten months before the Ceremony."

"And when did your punishments begin?"

This one I can't forget; I know exactly the date it started.

"Three months before the Ceremony. You should know all this; nothing is done in this house without your knowledge or approval father."

"Yes, you're right. Nothing should be done in this house without my knowledge or approval."

The way he worded this and his tone of voice was as if he was blaming himself for something. I don't want my suspicions to be true. They can't be true. Everything I've known about this house, about who I am, about why I'm treated this way would be a fabrication.

"Why are you asking me all of this? Where is Lizabeth and why have you taken her from me? Have you not taken enough from me!"

I'm shouting. I'm losing my composure. I'm crying in front of the one man I swore to never show this side of myself to.

"Marisilea, I will leave this office. When you have composed yourself, we will head to the dungeons."

He brushed past me and headed out the door. I couldn't bring myself to look at his face as he left.