Her Resolution

It was late fall on a Sunday of my fifteenth year when my father summoned me to his office again. The leaves had nearly all fallen off the branches of the trees around the castle grounds, and a biting wind had started making the mornings a bit chilly.

The last time I visited was to discuss my tutoring schedule when I was thirteen, so I was a bit nervous. I found that I wasn't exhibiting any of the chest pain and breathing issues I've had in the past when I was called, but I could still feel a tingle in my scalp and my heart rate increasing.

This time I'm not certain what to expect, as there's been no major differences in my tutoring, diet, or schedule for over two years. If he's making changes to my instructors or if it's something else, I'll know shortly.

After knocking on the heavy wooden door that leads into my father's office, I waited patiently for his tell-tale command.

"Enter."

I immediately moved to the front of his large, dark oak desk and performed the customary deep curtsy. He's still busy with paperwork as usual. I don't think my father has had to wait for anyone but the King, as he seems accustomed to making everyone else wait for him. I pulled in a short but quiet breath to smell the aged paper and ink emanating from the bookshelves, attempting to soothe my nerves, before I initiated the conversation I dreaded.

"You called for me, father?"

He finished his paperwork quickly after he noticed it was me, then he gave me a brief glance. He seemed a bit hurried to start the conversation but then, after everything on his desk was sorted, he took a long pause.

I could feel goosebumps rising on my arms under the fabric of my dress. I'm certain that whatever he has in mind for me this time, I won't like it.

"You'll be sixteen in less than six months now Marisilea, which means you'll need to begin thinking about your future as an adult. Professors Maxi and James have both said they don't have much left to teach you, and as such I've given them permission to leave the Duchy after their final classes this week. Professor Henry has said he's not comfortable finalizing your education yet, but he's been informed that he will finish your lessons before the beginning of winter."

This was only partially good news. I enjoy my history, economics, mathematics, and war classes. Professors Maxi and James are actually both enjoyable to be around and I've found myself having discussions that are a bit off topic on their subjects a few times. Professor Henry though… I'll be glad to be rid of him. Not because I dislike politics or am bad at it on the whole, but because he's a sniveling dog who is terrified of those in authority over him, but still enjoys abusing his power over the people below him.

"May I ask a question father?"

"You have my permission."

"What will become of Mage Reginald's courses on magic and my swordsmanship lessons?"

"You will continue your lessons on swordsmanship as I believe that it would be in your best interest to follow through. Sir Verret has also said you have the potential of becoming a sword master with the rapier in only a few short years, given the proper instruction."

He paused, giving me a glance that appeared to provide me with tacit permission to ask any questions that he seemed to understand I was holding back.

"Will my instructor for swordsmanship need to be changed if I am to work towards sword mastery?"

"No. I recommended Sir Verret as your instructor because he has achieved mastery with three different swords: the short sword, the longsword, and the rapier. He was particularly proud that you had picked the rapier and continued with it until now."

I don't find I'm surprised often anymore, but this was one of those rare moments. Sir Verret is sparing with his praise on the practice field, and incredibly strict during my lessons. I wouldn't say he's cruel, but I often find myself bruised and exhausted after each session. I had increased my training with him to twice a week, Thursdays and Saturdays, after I became proficient enough with healing circles to not be bothered by my injuries as well. I'm certainly satisfied with this result.

"And what of Mage Reginald and my lessons on magic and circles?"

"Mage Reginald will stay to help you prepare for your exams to enter the Magi Academy this spring."

And now the other shoe drops. He didn't say anything about the Magi Tower, so it's safe to believe that he either doesn't think I can gain admittance, or he won't allow me to try. I'm leaning heavily towards the latter as the tutoring he's provided, and Mage Reginald's evaluation of my abilities, lends credence to the idea that I would be accepted.

"May I speak further father?"

"You may."

"I would like to take the exam for the Magi Tower."

"Are you absolutely certain you will be accepted? If you take the exam and fail it will reflect poorly on our House, and that is something I will not tolerate. No, you will take the exam for the Magi Academy and that is all."

"I believe I'm completely capable of passing the exam, and Mage Reginald has said he would endorse my examination if I were to take it."

"Mage Reginald will not be your exam administrator, and as such cannot guarantee that you will pass. His evaluation is admirable, but I believe you don't have the ability at this point based on your reported performance."

"But my scores have been excellent and I've…"

He raised his voice to interrupt me, but not to the level of a yell. It was firm and commanding, but his expression remained passive. I don't think I've ever seen him lose his calm; I wonder what he went through to learn to maintain his expressions.

"Your scores are not good enough for the Magi Tower. I am your father and the Duke of Arkesh, are you doubting my ability to evaluate my own firstborn daughter? You will do as you have been ordered, and there will not be another word spoken on this."

Ah, there it is again. 'Firstborn daughter.'

Just a few short years ago I believed that having that title meant I wasn't worthy of being a part of the Arkesh Dukedom. However, after spending my time studying and reading about the progress that has been made in Arkesh, I doubt that now. We've had success in both business and agriculture, our lands are thriving and the populace is generally happier than two years ago. I don't think the Duchy has been this prosperous in its long history. If my existence is a curse, why am *I* the only one that is suffering?

Despite the truth of these matters I will never be able to convince my father of either. He sees me as a curse, and even if he believes that I can pass the Tower exam, he's made his decision.

There is one silver lining I guess, Venna failed her first attempt at the exam for the Tower and is currently attending the Academy. I will have to let her know that I can't go to the Tower so she doesn't try to take the test again this coming spring.

On Monday I had to attend my classes on magic and politics, so I made my way to the study in the early morning. I had two hours with Mage Reginald, and then another three with Professor Henry. I sometimes think to myself that I should have fallen behind in my magic course work so I could extend the time I'd spend with Mage Reginald, but then I realized that I wouldn't be happy with myself, and Mage Reginald would never believe me.

"Good Morning."

"Good Morning, Lady Marisilea. I've heard the news from your father, we're to start focusing on your admission test for the Academy."

"Yes, I'll be applying in early spring, just before my birthday."

"Is there any reason you're not applying for direct admission into the Tower?"

I've grown to trust Mage Reginald as his class is the only one where I don't have any pointless busywork, but does that mean I can ask for his help attempting the test behind my father's back? I'll have to hint at it and hope to speak to him away from Rebecca if I want to try.

"My father says my scores are not up to par for the Tower's strict admission standards, so he insisted on having me set my goals lower and aim for a guaranteed admittance into the Academy."

He's giving me that look he usually has when he's had to sit and listen to someone's bullshit. I've gotten really good at reading his expression as he makes it fairly easy. On top of that he's made a few mistakes during our classes and let a few interesting words slip. Like bullshit.

I think he understood my hint that it wasn't my choice, and that I'm not the one that thinks I'm incapable of passing. I'll make up an excuse after class to get Rebecca out of the room for a moment.

He had me spend the rest of our time reviewing some of the required materials for the admission tests, as well as having me practice making as many functional magical circles as possible, as quickly as I could.

I'm up to about twenty simple circles that could be cast simultaneously, but now Mage Reginald tells me that I should focus on making fewer circles and having them contain more advanced rune formulae. He also suggested I try to put into practice functional overlapped circle combinations. I can create empty overlapped circles, but I've yet to attempt to set runes in them.

When we finished up I ordered Rebecca to go back to my room to retrieve some paper, with the excuse that I had forgotten to bring enough for Professor Henry's class.

"Now that we're alone, are you aiming to take the admission exam into the Tower despite your father's orders?"

"I would like to try. If I succeed in passing the exam he won't be able to stop me from attending as I will be under the protection of the Tower at that point."

"It's a bold decision Lady Marisilea, but one I know you're capable of succeeding in."

"Your faith in me is appreciated, Mage Reginald."

I still enjoy watching him scrunch up his nose in disgust at hearing his name.

"I know you do that on purpose now, you can't hide it from me, even with that expression of yours."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mage Reginald."

After receiving my extra papers from Rebecca and taking my seat back at the table arranged for Professor Henry's class, I waited patiently.

He was late. It wouldn't be the first time this has happened, but it's certainly the latest I've ever seen him. I wonder if he'll skip today's class. Probably not as he still gets some enjoyment out of berating me, even if he can't get a reaction from me.

After some time the door to the study burst open loudly, and he came crashing through it while making as much noise as possible. He looked angry, with his face red and his breathing coming in ragged spurts. Or maybe he had just run here. He's not overweight, but he certainly doesn't seem like the type of person who tries to stay fit.

"Lady Marisilea, what a pleasure it is to see you here today."

His tone was dripping with sarcasm. I could never understand what he hates about me, aside from the fact that I'm a firstborn daughter. Or that I don't react to his provocations anymore. Lizabeth mentioned that he seemed to think I was nothing but an empty vase who was taught to repeat everything they read without question.

"Yes, Professor Henry, it is a pleasure to see you too."

"Before we begin your lessons, I believe there is something we need to discuss. Rebecca, please leave the room."

Rebecca looked at me to verify that it was okay. Maybe she has finally learned to at least maintain formalities, but when has she ever sought my permission for anything?

"You may leave Rebecca."

This seemed to make Professor Henry even angrier. I was enjoying his mood today.

After Rebecca left, he approached the table I was seated at and leaned over it to get uncomfortably close to me.

"Now, you will speak to your father and insist that you are not comfortable with your ability to comprehend the instruction that I have provided and would like to keep me here until you are either admitted to the Academy or married off. Not that I believe you'll be able to achieve the former."

"I deeply apologize Professor Henry, but I cannot go against the decisions of the Duke. His words are final, and he has expressed that to me specifically regarding these matters."

"I don't care about the official words you're required to repeat when you're asked a question. What I'm telling you to do is to go talk to the Duke and request that I remain here until you leave. He should still listen to you as you are his daughter, even if you're a firstborn."

The amount of venom that he managed to lace into his last word was probably the most I've ever heard someone use. It's strange that he thinks my father would listen to me over him given his hatred of firstborn daughters.

"I apologize Professor Henry, but my father has not once made any concessions on the demands he has of me. As I am just a firstborn daughter, I do not have the position or the consideration that would normally allow me to make those requests."

His breathing began to pick up, and his face became even more red. He pulled back from my table and approached the instructor's desk. Picking up one of the books he used for instruction, he turned it over briefly, examining it carefully.

"Stand up Lady Marisilea."

I did as he instructed and stood up with my back straight. I know what he's thinking of doing as he's had Rebecca do it to me before, but touching me himself could get him executed as it would be seen as a man overstepping his bounds with an underaged woman. This isn't a training ground where our actions are supervised by my maid and a knight. He's only a Baron, and he's a vassal of the Duchy. If he thinks that because I'm just a firstborn nothing will happen to him, he's sorely mistaken. My father is, above all, a militant follower of the rules for nobility and he does almost everything to the letter. Despite how much I've grown to dislike the man, I cannot deny that he is good at ruling over the Duchy and its people.

Taking the book in his hands, he makes his way behind my back.

"Have you already recovered from last week's punishment?"

"Yes Professor Henry."

"That will make this less enjoyable then, but at least you might learn your lesson. Will you still not consider asking your father?"

"Asking him would not change anything, Professor Henry."

I felt the strike of the flat side of the book on my back. His strength is greater than Rebecca's but not by much. I'm sure it will leave a bruise. But it's not enough.

"Do I need to do this more, or will you consider your options more thoroughly?"

"It will not change anything, Professor Henry." Saying his name disgusts me.

He follows up with several more strikes this time, not bothering to ask me if I'll change my mind in between any of them.

On the last strike, I timed his movements and listened to the sound of the book as it whistled through the air. Just as it hit my back, I leaned forward, allowing the momentum of my body to follow the motion of the book. I tumbled over the table, and knocked some of the writing tools and papers off, which pushed the heavy weight of it around so that the legs scraped against the floor. As I let my body fall down without bracing myself, a loud scratching noise accompanied the movement of the table legs, echoing around the room and surely traveling outside of it.

Just to be sure, I let out a feigned scream of pain.