Chapter 45: Insecurity Breach

The first beam of sunlight pushing through the auto-blinds slowly wakes me up, but it's Sola's laugh that really wrenches me from the grip of sleep. Her fingers dance up my spine, a ticklish invasion that makes me squirm. I hear her voice, brimming with mischief.

I'm still exhausted because, for the past few weeks, I have only seen Sola when she gets in at night. And since Zenna and Rana told me she's the type to get tired of people, my current strategy is to attempt to get her pregnant during our nightly activities to lock her down.

I would have no trouble keeping her here using force mind control or just threatening her. But I really love her, and in the future, when I inevitably succumb to my power, I want at least one person who's in it for me genuinely. So I figured just forcing my baby onto her would be enough. She has noticed zero difference in our lives because she always came home wanting to play anyway.

'Wait, was she already trying to get pregnant?' I wonder.

"Rise and shine, Vex! We're playing hooky today!"

I pry open one eye, groggily drinking in the sight of her. She's like a living flame against the dull grays of our room, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Skipping class?" I manage to mumble, feigning shock.

"Only the best for my first day off in ages," she says, and there's no resisting that gleam of excitement.

'I don't even think I need to go to classes anymore, do I? They basically told me I suck at school so much, but I'm too strong to not let pass.'

"Alright, fuck it why not." I chuckle, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

I stand, stretching out the stiffness while Sola bounds around the room, gathering her things with an energy that's downright infectious. I quickly pull on some clothes, not bothering much with how they look.

But then, as I'm yanking a shirt over my head, this gnawing feeling of insecurity starts again clawing at my gut. My hands falter, the fabric momentarily blinding me. What if she's getting sick of me?

'Should I just use mind control on her? My limited tests so far show me it has limits, but I think I could pull it off if I cast it on her all the time.'

"Hey, you okay?" Sola's voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts, her hand warm on my arm. "You zoned out."

"Uh, yeah." I force a smile, brushing off the concern. "Just excited, you know?"

"Good," she beams, and for a moment, I let her light chase away the shadows of doubt.

*****

The sweet aroma of spiced brew lingers in the air of café sithé, a scent that usually puts me at ease. But today, it's like background static to my nerves as I sit across from Sola, watching her lips move with fervor about her latest endeavors. My fingers curl tighter around the warm cup, the bitter drink forgotten.

"Father's been teaching me the ins and outs," she says, her eyes alight with passion. "Running a planet, it's... intense, but exhilarating."

I nod, pretending to follow every word, but in truth, I'm hardly listening at all. While my mind races on a different track.

'Someone like her wouldn't like you, Jason. Just kill yourself already, you don't belong anywhere.' Mother's words echo from the past. The more insecure I get, the more her words come out of my head. 'Fourteen years on, and she's still in there, eh?'

The way Sola's face lights up when she speaks of power and command is something else. 'She's born for this, molded by the dark intrigue of Sith politics. And me? I'm… What the fuck even am I? Am I a terrible fit for her?'

"Sounds like you're having a lot of fun." I manage, my voice steady despite the chaos in my head.

Sola laughs, a sound that echoes like music in the vastness of The Great Hall. "Oh, I've had my moments. It's all so delicate, like weaving strands of the thread into a tapestry."

"Delicate," I echo, the word feeling foreign on my tongue. A stark contrast to the unwieldy way I have been handling things lately.

Silence stretches between us, a gulf widening with each tick of the clock. I chase the last drop of my drink and set the cup down a little too loudly. Her gaze catches mine, and I can see the reflection of the lights in her eyes.

'She probably thinks I'm holding her back, I bet. You know what. I'm gonna be an adult about this. I'm not gonna manipulate her; I'm just gonna call it off here and now, and we can part ways. Then I'll get one of those fuck you bodies, and she can regret ever losing me.' I think bitterly. 'And who needs sex when you can goon.' My last thought on the subject is a tragically misguided cry for help.

"Hey, Sola..." I start, my voice trailing off as my throat tightens. I shuffle awkwardly in my seat, the material of my pants suddenly constrictive. "You ever get tired of... this?"

"Of what?" she asks, leaning forward, her brow furrowed in genuine confusion.

"Look, if you want to end things, I get it," I blurt out, the words tumbling from my mouth before I can stop them. My heart's a drumbeat of panic in my chest, echoing loud against my ribcage.

Sola's reaction is immediate and intense. Her hands come down on the table with a force that makes the cutlery jump, her eyes blazing with an emotion I can't quite identify. "Vex, let down your force barrier. Now!" she commands. Not asking permission despite being so much weaker than me. Her voice cuts through the hum of conversations like a vibroblade. My stomach twists into knots.

'She wants to see in my head right now? It's a mess up there right now. The mind-reading equivalent of a hoarder refusing to throw anything away. My weak thoughts tangled with insecurities, the kind of stuff you don't let anyone see, especially not someone like Sola. I'm terrified she'll look at me differently after she sees how much of a coward I'm being right now. But I love her too much to say no.'

"Okay," I whisper, feeling like I'm about to step off a cliff. I focus on the Force, peeling back the layers of mental shielding I've become so good at constructing with my extra souls; I feel kind of naked without it.

Her fingers wrap around mine, her touch both comforting and terrifying as she delves into the stream of my consciousness. I can feel her presence sifting through memories and fears. A far more invasive dive than she used to take on me.

I watch her face as she navigates the labyrinth of my mind. Her expression shifts. First curiosity, then a frown etches deep into her forehead. The world around us falls away, and it's just her and me and the silent conversation happening between our entwined fingers.

Suddenly, Sola's face contorts with fury, her grip on my hands tightening. Whatever she's found, it's hit a nerve, and she's mad. Not the kind of mad you get when someone calls you a racial slur on Cod 4, but a seething, tempestuous rage that looks like it could tear the galaxy apart.

"Zenna and Rana are fucking liars!" Sola's voice shatters the ambient hum of café sithé, her accusation slicing through the air like a vibroblade. I flinch, not just at the volume but at the venom behind each syllable. Her eyes burn into me, two fierce stars in the dimness, reflecting a storm of emotions I can barely comprehend.

My throat tightens as she continues, her words tumbling out with an urgency that pins me to my seat. "My father... he's been pulling me deeper into his web of ducal duties. I know I said I loved it, but it's suffocating not seeing you, Vex." She leans forward, the muscles in her jaw working as she processes something unseen, something heavy and dark that seems to be clawing its way out of her.

I'm frozen, caught between fear of losing her and saying the wrong thing.

'Did Zenna really lie to me about Sola?'

"Please," she says then, and the word is a plea and a lifeline all at once. Her gaze softens and becomes almost pleading. "I saw it, Vex. I saw everything.

Her hand is warm against my cheek, the touch so gentle it almost breaks me. Sola's eyes glisten with unshed tears, a level of vulnerability not usually seen.

"Vex," she whispers, my name. "I won't let you leave me. I can't. You're a part of me. Without you, I'm... I'm lost."

Her words wash over me, a balm to the festering wounds of doubt and insecurity. I lean into her touch, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment as I let myself bask in the certainty of her love.

"And if you want me to be pregnant to make you feel more secure," Sola continues, her voice barely above a whisper now, "I don't mind that either. I'd do anything for you, Vex. Anything to keep you by my side."

My eyes snap open, a nervous laugh bubbling up from my chest. It comes out strained, tinged with discomfort. "Hah, yeah, about that..." I mumble, running a hand through my hair. "Maybe I went a bit too far with that thought. In hindsight, it seems a little... extreme?"

Sola's face quirks into a manic smile, her thumb brushing over my cheekbone. "No, no, Vex I think it might be a good idea." As if turning my own selfish plans against me.

Her face became solemn. "I haven't been there for you like I should have been. I've let my father's ambitions come between us, and that's not right….." She speaks as though she just realized something.

I nod, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. "I just... I don't want to lose you, Sola. You're everything to me. The thought of you getting tired of me, of moving on... it's been eating me alive."

"Never," she says fiercely, her hand sliding from my cheek to the back of my neck. She pulls me closer until our foreheads are touching. "You hear me, Vex? Never. I'm yours, and you're mine."

I let out a shuddering breath, the weight of her words settling into my bones. It's a vow, a covenant that transcends the boundaries of life and death. At this moment, I believe her with every fiber of my being.

"Okay," I whisper, my voice rough with emotion. "Okay. I trust you, Sola. I love you."

"I love you too," she murmurs, her breath warm against my lips as she brings her face to mine. "More than anything in this galaxy."

And then she's kissing me, her lips soft and insistent against mine. It's a kiss that says everything words can't, a promise that she wants to be with me even despite knowing how insecure I was.

*****

Sola's POV

I storm into my father's office, my rage viscous with the Force. The doors slide open with a resonant boom as I use my power to hasten their journey.

"Father," I growl, my voice laced with venom as my eyes fixed on his unsuspecting form. His head snaps up, surprise etched on his aristocratic features for a mere moment before he masks it with practiced indifference.

"Ah, daughter," he starts, but I don't let him finish.

My anger surges forward, a twisting torrent within me that I channel directly into the Force. My hand shoots out, fingers splayed, and I feel the invisible tendrils of my power wrap around his neck. He gasps, clawing at the air, his face contorting in shock as he struggles against my grip.

"You are trying to ruin my relationship with Vex, aren't you, Father?" I bark, spitting out the words like they're poison.

Mother stands by the window, her figure rigid, a silent sentinel witnessing the tempestuous exchange. She stares at me, eyes wide, not with fear, but with a calculating intensity that has always unsettled me. "Sola," he chokes out, his voice strangled under the pressure of my Force choke. "What is it that you think I've done wrong?"

'The insolence of playing ignorant!' My fury flares hotter, the grip tightening as I step closer until I'm looming over him. His hands claw futilely at the invisible vise constricting his throat.

"I don't know, but someone definitely got to you to stop me from seeing Vex! There are people conspiring against our love!" I yell, my voice echoing off the ancient stone walls, mingling with the resonance of Sith history that pervades the hall. "Tell me the truth!"

I release my stranglehold. Father collapses to the ground, a crumpled heap in his ornate robes, gasping like a fish yanked from its dark waters. He's weaker than both mother and me, and it's starkly evident now that his frailty laid bare before us.

"Is it true?" Mother's voice cuts through the tension, her annoyance leaking out like acid. She stands tall, ever the imposing matriarch, eyes fixed on Father with piercing scrutiny.

Father, still wheezing on the polished marble, looks up, terror etched into every line of his face. He's not used to being on this side of our power, and it shows. He gulps, trying to find his voice, but all that comes out is a strained croak. "Yes," he finally manages, confirming our darkest suspicions.

"Speak plainly," Mother demands, her hand twitching as if she might summon the Force to compel him further.

"The banks... they wanted their credits back for the school, all of them. They didn't care about the agreements that were written up. They claimed they were voided." Father says, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I had to keep Vex away from Sola or pay everything at once."

Mother's sigh is one of disgust, the sound you'd make finding a rotting creature hidden beneath your boot. The Duke, cowering beneath her gaze, seems even smaller now, diminished by his own cowardice.

"Idiot," she spits. The sharp crack of her palm against his cheek echoes in the hall, a punctuation mark to her disdain. "Why did you keep this to yourself?"

Father recoils from the slap, his hand clasping the reddened cheek as if trying to hold his dignity together with his fingers. He tries to rise, but his legs wobble like a newborn fawn's.

"I thought I could handle it," he whispers, looking down at the marble floor, avoiding our piercing gazes. "I didn't want to involve you or tarnish my family's reputation."

I glance at Mother, whose expression softens slightly, a rare occurrence in these halls of power and manipulation. But her voice remains cold and commanding. "You should have trusted us. This affects all of us, not just you."

Turning back to Father, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, my anger subsiding into a chilling resolve. "You will fix this. Immediately. And you will not interfere with Vex again. Am I clear?"

"No, dear, I will be the one to fix your father's broken dreams." Mother sighed as she slowly looked at father with pity. "I believe my mother will have a vested interest in making sure Korriban doesn't go bankrupt." She sighs with great annoyance.

As I storm out of father's office, the weight of our family's legacy presses down on me. "I will burn this family to the ground before I ever let Vex entertain the thought of leaving me again." I solemnly swear my thoughts to the divine spirit Vex always prays to. Santa Clause.