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Cosmic Janitor

A man on a hospital bed was offered a job by a god. Said god introduced himself as a "god of amusement and entertainment." The man unhesitatingly accepted; what was the reason? He was bored. Having lived his life to the literal fullest—parachuting, skydiving, racing, boxing, and other adrenaline-pumping activities—left him exactly in his condition—a crippled, sick, BUT bored man in his middle thirties.  Join him in his wild adventures as he battles devils, zombies, and all sorts of crazy stuff you can dream up while lying in bed. Updates: It depends on my workload. Also, on my cat's mood. Suggestions: I've got some "worlds" planned, but feel free to suggest a game or anime world that needs some serious "cleaning." Disclaimer: The characters mentioned are not mine, except the OCs. Especially not the Book Cover.

ChrisTian3421 · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
80 Chs

Instincts

{A Day Later}

(Katsuo POV)

I sat in a lotus pose, a nod to those classical Chinese tropes, with the Blightlord's core resting on my lap. And like a Young Master, I began to absorb the core.

As I focused my Mana on the core, I could feel three elemental properties surging within it—Fire, Lightning, and Earth. These were elements I was all too familiar with, but they felt sentient, like children abandoned by their parents, only to have a stranger knock violently on their door.

They resisted my Mana, fighting back fiercely. I tried to assure them, mentally communicating, "Hey, it's okay. I'm not here to steal your cookies or take you on some weird quest for 'milk.' Just chill."

Gradually, I "invited" these elements toward my Mana Core. They were hesitant at first, but slowly, they began to oblige. I felt my elemental affinities grow stronger.

And then came the pain. Excruciating, unadulterated pain.

"Is this what giving birth feels like? Goddamn!" I shouted, rolling around the floor clutching my stomach. "Who knew enlightenment felt like my insides were hosting a rave?"

I writhed and squirmed, trying to find some sort of comfort. "Seriously, if this is what it takes to level up, I might as well stick to good old-fashioned training. Or yoga. Yoga seems way less painful."

Finally, the pain began to subside, and I lay on the floor, panting. "Great. Now I'm not just a Janitor—I'm a Janitor who's been through labor. This better come with some serious upgrades."

And it did. As I inspected my Mana Core, I realized it had now reached Expert Core - III, jumping five sub-levels and a major rank. I jumped up and pumped my fist. "Hell yeah!" I celebrated a bit, utilizing my Fire Manipulation and setting my surroundings on fire like a maniac.

I swiped my hand upwards, and an Earth pillar shot up from the ground. Channeling my inner Pikachu, I zip-zapped around the simulator room, each stride leaving behind crackling residues of electricity.

I stopped for a moment, catching my breath and looking around at the chaotic scene I'd created. "Maybe I should dial it back a notch," I thought. But then I grinned. "Nah."

Lisa's voice crackled over the intercom. "Having fun, Katsuo?"

"Just a bit," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant while surrounded by smoldering fires and crackling electricity.

"Good to know," she said with a hint of amusement. "Now clean up your mess. And remember, three months."

"Got it, boss," I replied, already thinking about how to turn my newfound power into some serious kick-assery.

I couldn't help but chuckle. Who knew enlightenment could be so... explosive?

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{A Week Later}

Feeling confident, I inputted Lisa's avatar. "Three thousand years ago, huh," I muttered as I finished setting up the simulator.

Donning my Stormweaver's Vambrace, Mantle, and Greaves, which I had recently bought three days ago, I gripped Sanchomo tightly in my right hand.

The air suddenly became dark, oppressive, and grim. A figure clad in a suit of dark, intricately crafted armor appeared, absorbing light. The armor was adorned with ancient runes and symbols that glowed faintly with dark energy, signifying the immense power contained within.

Her helm featured a visor that hid her eyes, giving her an intimidating and mysterious appearance. She wielded a massive greatsword, black with a faint, ethereal glow that trailed behind it with each swing.

I gulped, thinking, 'She's even scarier than Malenia.'

She pointed her greatsword at me. "Stance," her voice was serious and gruff, unlike her present self.

I gripped Sanchomo with both hands and pointed it toward her, my feet firmly planted on the ground. I then coated myself and Sanchomo with quadra-elemental properties, my figure crackling with fiery-earthy energy that swirled around. Using Summoned Swords, sixteen ethereal blades hovered around me—double the number I could previously summon, a significant achievement.

As I finished preparing, Lisa's avatar suddenly disappeared. Then I was sent hurtling toward the wall. A loud crash resonated across the room.

"Again, get up," her voice devoid of emotion as she ordered me.

I forced myself to stand, looking at her grimly. 'She's fast,' I thought, my mind racing.

I sent my Summoned Swords to act as decoys, then zipped around while creating numerous pillars around the simulator. Lisa's avatar parried the sixteen ethereal swords with precision, each strike calculated, making the hovering swords collide with each other. Her movements were mesmerizing, as if she were swimming in the air.

Using the pillars as cover, I sent Pyrobolts her way. They streaked through the air, crackling with fiery energy. She deflected them with her greatsword, each bolt dissipating into harmless sparks upon contact with her blade.

"Not bad," she commented, her voice carrying a hint of amusement. "But you'll need more than that to take me down."

I gritted my teeth and focused. Drawing upon my quadra-elemental properties, I channeled fire, lightning, earth, and air into Sanchomo. The blade hummed with raw energy as I charged at her, my movements a blur.

Lisa's avatar met my charge head-on, her greatsword clashing with Sanchomo. The impact sent shockwaves through the room, causing the pillars to tremble. I swung with all my might, each strike infused with elemental power. She parried and countered with grace, her greatsword a blur of dark energy.

I tried to outmaneuver her, using Shunpo to zip around and strike from different angles. Despite my speed, she anticipated my moves, her instincts and skills honed to perfection. It was as if she could read my thoughts, predicting my attacks before I even made them.

In a desperate move, I used Earth Manipulation to create a fissure beneath her feet, hoping to destabilize her. She leaped into the air, avoiding the trap, and countered with a powerful downward slash. I barely managed to block it, the force driving me to my knees.

"You're improving," she noted, her tone still calm and measured. "But you have a long way to go."

I grinned through the strain, "Good, I love a challenge." Summoning my remaining strength, I channeled all my elemental energy into one final attack. The air crackled with anticipation as I unleashed a devastating Judgement Cut, aiming to break through her defenses.

The room erupted in a blaze of elemental fury as our swords clashed one last time.

As the smoke dissipated, two figures could be seen. One clad in dark armor, standing with an air of nonchalance. The other was on all fours, panting heavily.

Lisa's avatar said, "Promising, but not enough," as her figure disappeared and the room returned to normal.

Feeling salty about my loss, I got up and headed to the simulator controls, determined to shake off the defeat. "Alright, time for some stress relief," I muttered, still tasting the bitterness of my failure. I inputted numerous goblins into the simulator, eager to vent my frustration. "To quench this gut-wrenching feeling," I mused, feeling like an emo protagonist in a coming-of-age drama.

The goblins materialized, chattering and snarling. I gripped Sanchomo tightly, the blade still resonating with the residual energy from my sparring session. The first goblin lunged at me, but I cut it down effortlessly, my movements fueled by a mix of anger and determination.

"Stupid," I grumbled, dispatching another goblin with a swift slash. "Can't even keep up with a three-thousand-year-old avatar." I decapitated a third goblin, my frustration evident in the ferocity of my strikes.

As I continued to cut through the goblins, I felt a twisted sense of satisfaction. Each defeated enemy was a small victory, a step towards reclaiming my confidence. My mind replayed the sparring match with Lisa's avatar, analyzing every move, every mistake. "I need to be faster," I muttered, obliterating a group of goblins with a sweeping arc of Sanchomo. "Stronger. More unpredictable."

I summoned my elemental powers, channeling fire and lightning into my strikes. The goblins stood no chance, their ranks thinning rapidly under the onslaught. But it wasn't enough. I needed more. I needed to push myself further, beyond my limits.

"Adaptive Edge," I whispered, embracing the name I had given my swordsmanship. It wasn't just about copying techniques. It was about adapting, evolving, becoming better with each battle. I focused on integrating my heavy hitters—Judgement Cut, Rapid Slash—into my new style, refining my moves with every swing.

As the last goblin fell, I stood amidst the carnage, breathing heavily but feeling a sense of accomplishment. The feeling had subsided, replaced by a renewed determination. I wasn't there yet, but I was getting closer.

"Next time, Lisa," I said to the empty room, "next time, I'll be ready." I sheathed Sanchomo, my resolve stronger than ever. The path ahead was clear: relentless training, pushing my boundaries, and perfecting the Adaptive Edge.

For now, though, I allowed myself a small, satisfied smile. It was a good start.

Do you ever sit in your comfy chair and wonder, what exactly makes a nerd? No? Well, here's my take.

Being a nerd isn't just about having an encyclopedic knowledge of Star Wars trivia or being able to recite the periodic table backwards. It's about passion. A nerd is someone who dives deep into what they love, whether that's coding, comic books, quantum physics, or crafting the perfect D&D campaign. It's the excitement of discovering new details and the joy of sharing that knowledge with others.

Nerdiness is about enthusiasm and curiosity. It's the thrill of learning something new and the satisfaction of mastering a skill. It's not confined to any one subject or stereotype—it's a celebration of interests, no matter how niche. So, whether you're obsessing over the latest tech gadget, poring over historical texts, or staying up late to perfect your cosplay, embrace your inner nerd. It's what makes us unique and brings us together.

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