Living With Her Past Regrets

"What do you mean by you're busy? Today's holiday."

"Why? Can't I be busy?

"No, I mean you can but at least you can manage 2 or 3 hours, right?"

"Nope!"

Gahh… this was frustrating. Why is Kiera insisting on meeting the editor all of a sudden? Yes, it was true that she didn't get to apologize to him properly for the last time. But still, today's her holiday. She can't just ruin her holiday like that, right? They can always go on other days. Both Kiera and Yujun are just on the same team when it comes to teasing her. So, what if she is single? She can always enjoy her weekends like other people. And there was another reason behind it. She is not quite ready to meet them as she herself didn't decide about her next novel. How can she concentrate on something like this when her mind was full of something else?

That day, Kiera was released from the hospital after resting for the whole night there. While Anna was dropping Kiera home, Kiera told her what actually had happened there at the dinner at her father's house. Though she avoided the whole topic related to Owen, she didn't hide anything about the things that occurred back there at dinner. Anna didn't know why they even bothered to invite her there when all they wanted to know about was her cousin. She didn't know why they are so obsessed with Theodore when he really doesn't look the least bit interested in these people. Also, she didn't want to pry in the situation as she was just an outsider.

Kiera was also quite sure that Theodore is not gonna show up for the next 2 or 3 years. The moment Anna heard that she felt her chest tightened.

Strange. She thought she already forgot about him. She was so busy these days that she really didn't have any time to think about others. But to think it clearly, she actually never forgot him. Though she was in a great mess a few days ago, her mind was full of anxiety and doubt thinking whether he knew about the scandal or not and what exactly was his reaction seeing this.

Did it make him mad? Or he just laughed it out as he never cared about something this useless?

Before realizing it, her life was already revolved around him. Without him, she left somewhat empty. What had happened to her? What did he do with her heart? The girl who was totally allergic to these heartfelt feelings is now the most desperate one here. Yes, she is somewhat desperate. Desperate to meet him again, but at the same time, she knows that it really is in vain. She chose to have some weird feelings for someone for the first time in her life who maybe is not right for her, moreover, when he is not interested in her in any way.

Theodore can get all the girls around him if he wants. Specifically, wanting Annabelle would really be considered a miracle. As Annabelle is no more that wonderful, no more the girl everyone wants. Now, she is just like the other ordinary girls that he might have avoided having any contact with. And it's not like she is so desperate to make him choose her when she herself can't reciprocate her feelings well in her own mind. She never loved someone, how would she know how to love someone or how it feels to love someone?

All of a sudden, Annabelle stood up from her bed with her bed hair. Looking in the mirror, she thought she wasn't that bad, but actually, quite beautiful, right? She touched her hair as she thought it had gotten long again. Why not try a haircut?

Anna freshened up and ate her breakfast as she was really planning to go to the hair stylists'. It would kinda distract her from her frustration right now. Come to think of it, she could have agreed to Kiera to meet the editor if she had at least an idea in her mind for her next novel.

Alas! She was never short of ideas before like this. What happened to her, huh? That's the problem of novel writers, they easily get depressed when they can't find a subject for their new creation. What could she do to find new inspiration living her life like this? Should she try traveling or something? It might help, but with her current reputation, she can't just roam around carelessly, right?

This time, Anna chose to wear something lighter than her hoodie and jeans though she didn't forget to cover her face with sunglasses and a scarf.

…. …. ….

"Can you cut it a little shorter?"

"Eh? But I think it looks nice at this length too."

"I know, just cut it a little shorter."

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure, that's why I am saying."

The hairstylist looked a little hesitant to cut further as she thought she looked good in this length. Her silky black hair was soft and smooth which was beautiful enough to make all the customers of the shop envious. The shop wasn't crowded, but Annabelle still didn't take off her sunglasses as she doesn't want to cause any trouble for her right now. Although the stylist found her weird for wearing sunglasses even indoors and found it a little difficult to style her hair putting them on, she still did what she is supposed to do without caring about it that much. She felt a little sad to cut that beautiful hair though the girl was quite nonchalant about it.

Annabelle herself didn't plan to cut it that short to her shoulder-length, but somehow she felt like she should give herself a new look. Who knows why she felt like cutting it off, maybe for new inspiration or something like that; she just felt like it that she should, so she did.

To her satisfaction, she found her new short haircut kind of cute. Even the other girls at the shop stared at her cute hairstyle with jealousy and wanted to get a proper look at this girl's face, but failed to do so as Anna did a very good job hiding her face there. Maybe she is very ugly, that's why she is embarrassed about showing it to others? Poor girl, although she has such a nice figure and hair, her face made her pretty ashamed. That's the rule of the world, people can't get all the perfect things altogether. Little did they know why Anna was wearing those sunglasses and baggy clothes.

Annabelle was going to pay the bill when all of a sudden a phone call came. It was from an unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Are you home today?"

Hearing the voice from the other side, Anna immediately knew who it was.

"I was, but not now."

"Where are you now?"

"Somewhere near Alameda street. Why?"

"Stay there. Wait for me."

"Hey, you are coming here?"

"Yeah, I am nearby. Will talk to you later."

That's it. The phone was cut. She knew they had to talk and clear things out about many matters but she didn't know that she would get to talk to him this soon. Isn't he a busy man? Maybe it's okay if it's a holiday.

After paying the bill, when Anna came outside of the shop, she found Jaemin sitting inside his car, waiting for her. Wow, she didn't think he would be right here for her. How did he guess that she must be at hair stylists'? Well, after all, he is a journalist. People like him can really do this and that ordinarily connecting 2 with 2.

"You came this soon?" Anna asked as she walked towards the car and opened the door herself.

"Yeah, I said I was somewhere near this area. Thought I should meet up with you."

"Sure."

"Did you cut your hair?" Jaemin asked all of a sudden.

"Uh? Yeap! I was planning to, just didn't get the chance."

"Hmm.. not bad. But you somewhat look better with long hair," Jaemin said, lightly touching her hair all of sudden.

Somehow Anna felt a little uneasy by the gesture. She didn't know why she was feeling weird, but it really slightly made her uncomfortable. It was never like this back then. Moreover, in those days, she would always force Jaemin, Vincent, and George to compliment her. Maybe the distance of so many years made her like this? This is so unfair. She was the one who chose to leave them, and now she is the one regretting it the most. Though Jaemin Ge is treating her like he used to do back then, she can't get all normal all of a sudden. Maybe because she has a lot of doubts about whether Jaemin Ge has really forgiven her or not? Or maybe she is more afraid to know about the other two which has led her to act all awkward in front of them.

Annabelle's daze broke when Jaemin started to drive the car towards the highway.

"Where are we going, Ge?"

"Don't know. I was thinking about having a proper lunch or something, then again I thought why not try some street foods like old days?" Jaemin said, gazing at her for a split second.

"Cool, not bad," Anna said slowly.

"Little pie?" Suddenly, Jaemin called her.

"Uh-huh?"

"You've changed."

The moment Anna heard him say that her heart skipped some beats.

"Did I? I don't really know… maybe…," Anna replied, sighing a bit.

Maybe that's what it is. Maybe she has changed. Actually, she is no more like she used to be, it was a true fact. Her past happy self evaporated because of the Summers she spent alone, working hard for something she didn't even want to achieve. If it was her from those days, she would be jumping happily right now, because her favorite brother is taking her somewhere to have some fun. It was not about being young or mature, it was about her feelings and persona that changed by the events that happened in her life.

But she has already given up on her past self. She really can't go back to where it was, forgetting all the regretful things she did in the past. All she can do right now is to live her life with her past regrets.