-twenty-two

My handbag hit the bed the second I got into the hotel room. It really wasn't much but it looked nice. White sheets, grey curtains and a refrigerator. The bathroom smelled of lavender and bleach.

My thorough inspection of the room revealed a halved bottle of brandy, a wine glass and some fresh towels and toiletries.

Grabbing the wine glass, I poured myself a generous amount of brandy and brought the glass to my lips.

My face fell to the bathroom sink as all the liquid in my mouth came gushing out. Coughing, I stared at the bottle. I hated brandy. I know I did but was it normal for it to taste so bad or was it just this one?

My eyes fell to the goosebumps on my skin as I went for another round. It served as good punishment for being stupid and weak last night.

***

"Called to remind me how selfish I am?"

Jenna finally answered. She did on the fourth ring.

My eyes instantly watered at her voice. "Jenna."

"Roxy? Are you crying?"

"I need you."

"Wha-."

"Please."

"O- okay." I heard shuffling. "I'm on my way."

"I'm at Pine falls." My hand went to my hair. "It's- it's a hotel on the other side of town."

The movement on the other side of the line ceased. "Hotel? Why are you-."

"Jenna, please just come over as soon as you can and don't tell Ed about any of this."

"Su- sure, I'm on my way. Hang on."

I pressed my back to the bedside table and shut my eyes. I felt helpless. Hopeless. Drained. And dirty. My chest tightened as my mind raced back to last night.

"Hello?" I spoke into the mouthpiece of the telephone on the counter.

"Good day. Is this Miss. Roxanne De-."

"Yes, this is she." I sniffed.

"Um- A Miss. Jenna Montgomery is here to see you. May I let her in?"

"Yes please."

"Have a nice day and enjoy your stay."

Nice day. I scoffed at that one.

"Roxy?"

I looked up when I heard the door click open. I forgot to lock the door.

"Baby," she whined as she squatted in front of me, "what's wrong?"

As I looked into her green eyes, my heart sunk even deeper. I was completely out of line with the accusations when she was only trying to help. And here she was again, trying to help.

I turned to the fridge and through the corner of my eye, I saw her stretch her hands out. Next thing I knew, my head was resting on her plump chest.

"Everything's gonna be alright." She ran her fingers through my hair as I shut my eyes tight.

"What happened?" Jenna asked when she released me. I'd spent the last minutes in her arms. When I didn't answer, her eyes dropped to the ground and she finally noticed the brandy bottle. She quirked a brow. "Brandy?"

"Found it in the fridge."

Her eyes narrowed. "Okay. No friend of mine will drink brandy left in the fridge of a stuffy hotel room by God knows who." My eyes followed Jenna as she went into the bathroom with the wine glass and came out with it empty. "Now tell me what's wrong."

"You really want to know everything wrong in my life?"

"I mean the reason you're here." She furrowed her brows. "Is it because of Eric?"

I took a deep breath and only spoke after I'd exhaled. "Eric raped me last night."

Jenna blinked and her grip tightened when I motioned to leave. She tilted her head to the side several seconds later. "What did you say?"

"He took advantage of me."

Her hand fell from me and with wide eyes, she fell in front of me. "No. No no no! This is all my fault. It's all my fault."

My brows furrowed involuntarily when Jenna pulled me into a hug. "What do you mean?" I asked a now crying Jenna as I struggled out of her embrace. This wasn't the reaction I expected. At all.

"I- I," she looked around before wiping her eyes. "If I hadn't left you, this wouldn't have happened."

I shook my head. "I yelled at you and walked out. This is none of your fault."

"Oh Roxy," she wrapped her arms around me again. "This is bad. Really bad."

***

"How do you feel?" Jenna asked when I was a bit more settled.

"Dirty." I stared at anything but her. "Used. Humiliated. Embarrassed. Harassed. But most of all, I feel pain." Tears left my eyes when I blinked. "It's like I'm suffocating. I'm drowning and there's nothing I can do. I'm sickened by my own self." I finally faced her her. "I feel abused."

Jenna shook her head. I knew it was hard for her. She wasn't used to this. Used to women having a say over sex.

"I don't-," she let out a thick breath, "I don't know what to say to you. I don't even understand how you're feeling."

"My chest feels clogged. There's this dull ache. I almost can't breathe."

"I really think you should see someone, like a- a therapist or a psychologist o-."

"I'm not crazy." I deadpanned and turned with a glare. "And I do not need professional help."

Jenna turned away with her brows knitted together.

I stood in front of her. "I just need time to heal and I'll be fine."

She stood up and cupped my face. "It'll be alright if you're only lying to me. Stop lying to yourself, Roxy."

I pushed her hands off my face. "You don't know what's going on inside my head, Jenna."

"Well maybe I do," her eyes watered, "I've been here before."

"You were only thirteen years old!"

Her voice was quieter. "Still, I've been here before."

"No." I shook my head and turned away. "I'm done."

"No, you're not." I felt her hand on my shoulder. "Roxy, you're not doing alright. You haven't even cried or- or talked about any of it and-."

I pushed her away and the pressure in my chest increased. "What?"

Jenna turned away.

"What do you want? For me to cry like a child? To admit that he broke something inside me? To admit that no matter how many times I shower, I won't get his smell off of me? To admit that every time I close my eyes, he's on top of me? To admit that the one who I cared about," my body hit the floor, "raped me?"

"Roxy."

Jenna engulfed me in an embrace. "Jenna, I can't breathe. I-."

"It's gonna be alright, okay? Slow, deep breaths- in and out- and it'll all be fine."

The tears pouring out of my eyes stained her turquoise blouse. "I'm sick. I'm sickened by the thought of that bastard putting his hands on me, touching me everywhere and-."

"Shh," her hands went through my hair, "it's gonna be fine. I'll take care of it."

***

I smiled at Jenna when she handed me a bottle of water. "Thanks."

"Feeling any better?"

I set the bottle on the tabletop. "Sort of."

"Crying is an essential part of pain. It shows you have accepted what happened and are ready to move on." she smiled and reassured me with a nod.

"He came a little before midnight," I started.

"Roxy-."

"No. Let me do this. It's important that I prove to myself that I'm over it and that I'm healed."

"No one heals and forgets overnight much less something this serious. You can't possibly heal when it all happened last night. Don't push yourself." Jenna stood up from the bed. "You probably didn't get any sleep last night. Why don't you rest for a bit? I'll go get you something to eat." She looked at her watch. "It's already lunch time."

I nodded and laid down on the bed. When she stood and was about to leave, I pulled her hand. She turned to me.

"Promise you'll be here when I wake."

She gave me a small smile before she exited the room. It was when my head hit the pillow, I realized how tired I was.

When my eyes fluttered open, it was almost dark. I let out a breath it felt like I'd been holding for ever when I realized Eric was no where near me. It was when I yawned I heard Lola Dova's voice blasting through my laptop. Jenna piped up in laughter after Lola said something about croissants being spiral and not flat.

"Hey."

"Roxy," she turned to me, "you're awake."

"Why didn't you wake me up? It's almost dark."

"You needed sleep."

I looked at the clock as Jenna threw another handful of popcorn into her mouth. It was past 5.

My eyes snapped to her. "Did you tell Ed anything?"

If Ed found out, there would certainly be trouble. He could be the nicest, boyish guy on Earth but when he turned on his ruthless businessman side, he was the devil. Just like when he ordered his men to beat up a guy who tried to force himself on Jenna on one of our nights out. Ed wasn't even in Philly.

She gave me a look. "Of course not."

I furrowed my brows. "Then where did you tell him you've been all day?" Jenna and Ed were practically inseparable and so if Jenna was out the entire day, I wanted to know what she told him.

Her voice dropped an octave. "We didn't talk."

"What?" I moved to sit on the bed so my legs were touching the floor.

"We haven't exactly talked for a while now."

"Why? What happened?"

"It's not important. Really stupid."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked softly.

She shook her head and with a small smile, raised her left wrist. "We're engaged," she said, flashing a really expensive ring in my face.

"Whoa," my eyes widened as I stared at her finger. "When did that happen?"

"Few days ago."

I snickered. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to pressure you 'cause you've been stressed lately." She gave me a strained smile and I wondered what was going through her head. She must've thought I'd be jealous. I actually was. She had her life planned out while mine broke down into pieces just last night.

"I'm really happy for you." I wrapped my hands around her tightly. "Finally, some good news."

"Yeah."

When I left her arms, it was then I noticed it. It was then I saw it. The spark in her eyes was gone. She looked different, stressed. I'd been so deep in my world and problems that I forgot about her.

"Jenna, what's wrong?"

Jenna remained frozen to the spot, just staring into my eyes for several seconds. I cleared my throat when I got uncomfortable and she cleared hers too. "I'm good. As..... as always."

She got off the floor and proceeded to take her phone from the table. We both knew that was a lie. I got up too.

"Is it about Ed?"

She turned to look at me after a few seconds. "It doesn't always have to be about him. It could be about me sometimes and you and- and everything."

"Jenna, I-."

"Shh," she brought her index finger to my lips. "There's something I need to tell you but I fear you'll look at me different."

I furrowed my brows at that.

She seemed different. Almost like she was caged and was trying to break free. After a few seconds, she shook her head and when she looked at me, she immediately stepped back.

I stepped towards her. "Jenna, are-."

"No," she put her hands forward, as if trying to push me away. "Don't come any closer. I'm sorry. I- I gotta leave." She grabbed her phone and purse and sprinted out. I stood transfixed to the ground.

What the fuck just happened?

I looked back to where she was sitting and my eyes caught sight of a black book. She must have forgotten it. It was made of fine leather and was luxurious to touch. It had no lock. Jenna was never one for keeping diaries.

The book collapsed from my hand and with wide eyes, I watched as all of the pictures came scattering all round.

*******************

Things are about to get ugly around here.

Please comment if you're enjoying my book.

-C.