and what?

Is this a joke? Please tell me I am dreaming, please I don't want to suffer like this and why did she call Jihoon and I am thankful to him that he didn't mention anything about Jeonghan there, I am million times thankful to him. I know I can count on Jeonghan, but what can I do? What can he do? What can we do? What will we do? I can never disappoint my own family, I love my dad more than anything else in this world, should I runaway? That would be the most disappointing thing I would do at last to my own family, I don't want to live with guilt after that. I wish I could do anything, just anything and be happy.

I was driving fast, I just wanted to reach home as soon as possible, I know if I go against her this time, her threat would become real, and I would be the last person who would want that. I don't want my days to be short like this, never. I have time till next Friday, I can figure out something, something at very least, or I will accept everything, that's already planned for me.

After 25 minutes, I anyhow parked my car outside my home, I went out of my door. I anyhow managed to come in time, I can never risk my life, never.

I rang the doorbell, and it was opened by mum, she smiled at me. "You're early!"

"Yes, I had to come anyhow, so I did." I tried to be normal, holding my anger, sadness, all the emotions taking over me. I know how much I am hating everything right now; I don't want her to be holding my neck but I can't help it. I am hanging right now, I want to runaway but I can't disappoint people, specially my dad, I can't go meet my best friend, I can't do anything? The rage of emotions I am going through is very unhealthy.

"we don't know when they will come, so be ready from now on and clean your room, there are chances Jihoon will come too, once his shift is over."

"My room have nothing to do with anyone coming as guests in our home."

"Where do you think Jihoon will sit and talk with you?"

"Of course here."

"Your room. i want you to get closer to him and know him because I don't want your marriage as a fail, so behave"

"Mum! You can't take things so far."

I was ready to fight, after talking with Jeonghan, did I get my strength got back? Yes it did, I just needed someone to lift me up, he did. I need to fight back from now, if I don't do anything or fight back, I will regret everything till my last day, but if I put some effort in telling my feelings, I will regret less. I need to try my best to convince and put everything to an end.

"Mum, please stop okay? I am requesting."

"Honey, what should I stop?" she grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards my room, and pushed me there. I was not surprised anymore, I saw this coming, this is her way to handle everything whenever I try to disobey her. No matter how much I cried, shouted, she won't let me out.

I locked my room too, I have no intention of coming out of my bedroom, I went to my bed and sat there, I looked at the clock, it was already 6 pm. I dragged myself to take a shower, I had to release all the stress, frustration and just everything. I kept my phone, and took off the makeup. I looked at the mirror, I saw my bare face, I noticed how down it looks, I look sleepless, tried, sad and I tried to smile but I failed miserably. This bare face, once was complimented by someone the most, and I liked it; no matter how tried, sleepless I looked, I never had to fake anything infront of him.

I went to take a shower, let myself soak under the water, my tensed muscles started feeling better, I wanted to stay longer and wanted to let go of everything, after all I felt better.

After a good half an hour, bath, I felt alive again, I wore my hoodie and sweatpants. I fixed myself and unlocked the door just to realize that it's still locked from outside. I went back to my bed, lost in thoughts, how did things change like this. what should I do? Is my love important? Is it more important than my parents? Love is my happiness? Will I be happy if I agree with my parents? Can I be happy? Does my happiness matter? What am I doing here? Why am I here? Why did I choose to runaway? Why am I scared? Am I really scared? Why can't I be a rebel again? am I really tired or I choose not to go against her? What do I really want? My thoughts were getting louder until I heard my door open, revealing my mum standing there.

"Come downstairs, and wear a dress and come, there are guests here. You can't behave like a child" she said and left; I heaved a sigh. I dragged myself to my closet, I think, I should be a good daughter today and listen to what they wanted to discuss about this wedding. I picked up a dress, checked myself last time in the mirror. My anger is slowly fading away and becoming sadness, regret and tiredness.

I went downstairs unaware of anything, what's going on between everyone. I saw everyone sitting on sofa, smiling big, as if they are living their happiest moment. They all looked so happy, so happy that it's enough to make me feel overwhelmed and feel the sadness. I was getting sad, because I don't know when I will be able to smile like this. Everything seemed like a joke.

In my life, I always wanted to be independent, happy, and wanted to have a person who would love me and I would love him more than myself, I never thought I would meet my love and he would help me to be who I am today, I always wanted happiness with him, I could never ask anything more from anyone else, I have friends, who care for me, I have my love who never left me but here I am today, caged, forced, I can't do this. I can't lose everything like this after I came this far. Without my conscience my anger was taking over my sadness, I couldn't control myself, because I never wanted to lose.

"Oh my Erica, come here, why are you standing there?" Mrs Yoon called me, I smiled at her.

I wish I could smile genuinely at her, I wish it came from my heart just like her. I walked towards her and sat beside her, she held my hand. For a second, I felt as if she was trying to calm me down and telling me to hang on there? Or is it my illusion only?

"Jihoon will be here soon, once his shift is over." She said looking at me, I smiled. I remember he had to go back to hospital because of accident.

"How was you date today with him?" she asked again, I gulped. I don't know if his mother knows that he brought Jeonghan or not and he left both of us. I started thinking about Jeonghan's words unknowingly.

'Eri, don't cry now. Should we do something together? So that no one would be hurt?' if I could've replied him with a yes, because I really wanted to tell him, and scream infront of him 'please help me Jeonghan I am dying here, I really need someone to help me and stay by my side. Because I can't think of anything alone anymore'

"Erica, Erica?" her voice snapped me out of my mind, I was startled at her voice.

"It was… good, I had fun with him." I replied her somehow, enough for her to believe my words blindly.

"That's a relief that you're getting along with him." she smiled again. sometimes I think, she didn't do anything wrong yet I am deceiving her with my smile. I wish I could tell her the truth and stop this wedding. Because there's no point of this wedding.

Since they are guest, I went to bring snacks, that's a very basic someone should do, I excused myself and went to kitchen. I brought juice and snacks for everyone. I had to sit there beside Mrs. Yoon again, smile all the time.

My mind wasn't cooperating with me anymore, it wanted to runaway, heart was telling me to tell them to stop this, ever since they started talking about wedding. The venue, how everything will be decorated and how many people would be present since our families are owner two big companies. I was lost, just lost. I couldn't proceed anything. Time was against me, it felt so long, everything felt so long. I was praying everything to get over as soon as possible. I heard the doorbell ring, my eyes looked at the wall clock, I was surprised and happy that 2 hours passed away. Looking at mum signaling me to go open the door, I went to open the door.

Jihoon was standing, he was looking a bit… exhausted?

I told him to come inside and led him to where others were sitting. He sat beside his mum, both of them were smiling.

"Jihoon, looks like it would be good, if you take Erica out on dates, you guys need to enjoy life, dating life. Once you get married, who knows how busier you would be, but make sure to take out time for eachother too."

"Yes mum, don't worry about it."

"Why don't you guys talk? We need to discuss about something important, and it would be better if you guys get to know eachother more" I looked at my mum, definitely trying to smile as normal as I can. I knew her plans, but now if I leave I can't know what they will discuss. I looked at the time, it was almost dinner time, I need to think of something, if I want to know what my mum is thinking right now.

"Mum, it's almost dinner time and Jihoon looks tired, I think we should have our dinner and you can discuss everything after that, how does that sound with everyone?"

"I think she is right, your daughter is perfect, she thinks about everyone"

I managed to convivence them, I went to dinning table, to set everything, they came after sometime, I served them dinner. I was asked to sit opposite to Jihoon, after serving everyone I took my seat. Everyone was eating silently, it was just the spoons and knives hitting the plate at times. Few times it would be mum to ask about food. Everyone would smile, happily. It wasn't awkward and I was very thankful to that.

"Misoo" Mrs. Yoon called mum and everyone's attention diverted towards both of them.

"Hmm?"

"I think I should tell everyone here, that's the reason why we suddenly came here for dinner, although we met today."

"Why are you sounding so formal? You can visit anytime you want, okay?"

"Yes, but there's a reason today and that's…

"Say it, it's fine. "

"me and Jihoon's father thought it would be better if we shift the marriage to this Sunday instead of next Friday." I chocked on my food.