9 Let it out.

"me and Jihoon's father thought it would be better if we shift the marriage to this Sunday instead of next Friday." I chocked on my food,

"Erica are you okay?" mum and Jihoon asked me at the same time, mum gave me glass of water. I drank it in one go, I was still coughing bad. It's hard for me to digest the news, after all.

"Yes, I am okay, please don't worry." I managed to say it

"There's a shareholder meeting, so it would be better if we get done with marriage stuffs, and then we can decide about business? What do you say Mr. and Mrs. Hwang?"

The way she placed everything, just like a perfect business woman. As if, she actually took this marriage as a business deal and nothing more or nothing less than that; she was trying to be intimidating and there she got everyone.

"I am okay with it, Erica's dad? What do you say?" mum said it without even thinking or hesitating. Why won't she? She would be benefited the most here.

I can see dad hesitating a bit, "I think it should we will be okay but this is a very important matter to the kids, they should be the one approving us, if they say yes then we all can agree with their decision. Both of you? What is your opinion?" And I know once my opinion is asked, everything's over then and there, because me being me I can't say no and my mum will force me to say. If I dare to say no, I don't even know what will happen to me.

"I am okay with this decision. Hopefully Erica won't have any objection with it" Jihoon looked… happy? He was smiling, that simply means he approved it. Can I try to voice out my thinking? Can I disagree, why am I afraid to disappoint them? Why am I afraid to let them down? When my own parents are letting me down every second.

"Me? I think I need a bit of time?"

"What time do you need Erica?" obviously it would be mum

"I mean, I think…. I am …. I just think…."

"You are getting enough time honey, you will be fine, you will do a good job, don't worry about anything, we are here. Wedding can make you nervous, because it will be your big day, it's fine love."

"So, Erica what do you want?" Mrs. Yoon asked 'of course I want to break off this marriage, I still have urge to break this off right now, but can I?'

"Honey, it's going to be fine." Mum was looking as if she was comforting me but she was squishing my hand tight, she was telling to say yes. I was left with any option? Is their any way? I was already feeling down and there's no escape now.

"I am…. okay with it"

"Okay, then. Let's make the list of guests tomorrow. We need to call our family and friends, any important guests beside them?" Mum was smiling at her own words

"How about we call our important business partners?" it was Mr. Yoon who suggested

"Okay" everyone agreed. After this announcement my appetite died, I can't eat anymore. I was a fool to think it would be a very normal dinner, how can I even think of that when I am sitting with two most successful business families. I just want this to be over, I can't live in this mess anymore.

[time skip]

After dinner, mum wanted them to stay but they insisted to go because they have too much of work. I was thankful enough to Jihoon that he didn't bring up today's café thing up. As soon as they left, I went back to my room, I let out what I was holding and that was tears, anger, sadness. I locked my room, I can't do this to myself anymore. Why am I like this? everything felt so wrong, tough, heavy. I just can't bring myself to believe it's real. It is actually happening. I am not thinking about myself? Why?

Without thinking twice, I changed my dress, wore a black knee length dress, let my hair open and applied light make up, and smiled at the mirror. I took my phone and sling bag, I went out of my room. Mum was shocked to see me, it was 10 pm at night, who wouldn't be surprised to see their daughter all dressed up like this at this time and suddenly.

"Erica?"

"I am going out right now."

"Where are you going at this hour?"

"Outside of this house"

"You can't go"

"And what if I go?" my mood was pissed, I cant stay in fear like this anymore, I don't care what she will do. I just want an escape right now. This is the least I can do right now

"Erica, when will you come back then?" dad

"I don't know, not until I feel better."

"Don't you dare to go out." Mum took a step closer to me

"I dare and you are already making my life mess, I can do whatever I want right now, my life isn't yours. And just remember that" I smirked and left

"Your life is mine"

"Its not, and you can't make it yours, remember that mum. I don't say anything that doesn't mean I can't speak and can't oppose anything. Why do I have to be the victim of your business? Do you even care about me? No, you don't then why do you care now? Are you scared I will runaway? I wish I could but the worst thing inside me is, I can't stand myself if I disappoint my own people, if I disappoint dad. He is far better than you. I know how much I want to scream and shout that I want to break off this shit marriage but I can't, I just can't bring myself to say or oppose. I broke his heart already, have you seen me suffering? No, because I don't show, do you how important he was to me and he will be important to me, more than you mum. He never left me alone but you did. I still love Seungcheol more than you, but I can't just hate you, why? Because he made me realize no matter what, you will be my mum till the end and I can't go on and hate you like this. Seungcheol was the one to hold me when I fell, I was all alone, you guys never bothered to look at me after I left home, then why are you suddenly claiming as your daughter? Why? Because of your business shit? Have you ever cared about my feelings? My happiness? No one cares, I know but there's still that one person who is blaming himself for what happened to us whatever we are going through whereas it was all your fault. Do you know how much he matters to me? No, you don't freaking know, you have no idea how much Choi Seungcheol matters for me. I was with him, for seven years, all these seven years when you never cared for me. Thanks to you and your neglection I found my love and a person who is my happiness but I guess I can never be happy, AGAIN. OH and I don't care even if you find him because we are not together anymore and no one else can hurt him now, I don't care about you anymore too. he is just someone who deserves happiness and nothing else and you can't hurt him, that's it" even I don't know how much I spoke at a time.

"Erica" mum shouted

"I am going out so don't even bother to find me, and I don't care what ever you will do next. I will be home when I will be ok"

I left her there, went to wear my black heels. I could hear mum calling my name. I don't care now, I need to release all my anger and sadness. I can't keep on suppressing anymore, this hurts like hell. I feel like I am tearing apart, I let out what was inside me for days and even years, I told them his name, once I had this thought that I would tell them his name and introduce him to them but never thought I will be telling them about him like this. Everything hurt so bad, I just want to runaway but something is stopping me and holding me bad. I left home and shut the door tight, I wasn't in my right mind. I was walking around the streets, everyone looked so happy. Are they really happy or just pretending to be happy even if they are hurt? Should I just let go of everything and everyone just for today? Can I be myself and selfish just for today? I can't live like this, hurting always. Just for today? I want to forget the pain, and the suffering I am going through.