Chapter Five - Back to the Future

Chapter Summary: In reality, life is pretty standard for you. You are a college student, with a best friend, a boyfriend, and a good family.

Chapter Song: champagne problems, by Taylor Swift

Chapter Warnings: introduction to new characters, mention of a past family member death, college party, graphic depiction of serious rape/non-consensual activity, drug use, alcohol, emotional and family issues, and no kylo in this chapter

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Chapter V - Back to the Future

24 October 2009

"That's fucking insane!" your best friend Tessa exclaimed, bursting into a fit of laughter and nearly falling off of the park bench in hysterics. You had shown her this viral video of someone in an online YouTube video who had accidentally uploaded something they shouldn't have, resulting in everyone you knew watching them take a ginormous shit.

And most of the rest of the world saw the video, too.

You giggled along with her, completely in awe yet feeling admiration for how stupid people are.

How on Earth could someone be so mindless, yet sometimes you wished you were like them. Oh, to be able to never overthink anything in your life and make these ridiculous decisions and not even feel bad about it.

Life for you, including these moments, has always been quite interesting.

You lived in Brooklyn, New York, a place of the city you found so much internal peace in. It was busy, but the moments where nobody was around always seemed to stick with you the very most. Being able to sit peacefully outside on a bench during some cloudy, fall evenings with the wind blowing in your hair was truly one of the parts you enjoyed the most. Even though occasionally, cars would pass through this part of your neighborhood, it didn't matter.

You nonetheless felt like New York City was a giant hurricane, and you were a lost little speck in it trying to make sense of the storm. And maybe, even that wasn't so bad.

Very similar to today, a chilly autumn evening, as you sat beside Tessa just hanging out together, it was your weekly two days off of school and work. You were really letting go and just letting yourself take a much-needed break.

In school, you were now obtaining your Bachelor's degree in Clinical Psychology. It was your senior year, and you were very excited to move forward and see what would be in your future. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, you took classes at New York University, and you made the commute by train at around nine o'clock every morning, arriving back home by four in the evening each of those days.

NY University is how you met Tessa Jones. However, she's minoring in Psychology but majoring in Graphic Design.

At first, you weren't interested in talking to her since she seemed too brilliant, and frankly, you felt like an fucking idiot compared to her. Psychology wasn't even her major, yet she was able to answer nearly all of the Professor's questions with such collected intellect. One day, at the end of your Freshman semester, you two were randomly partnered together for a short group assignment in preparation for the final exam.

Ever since this unplanned meeting between the two of you three years ago, you have been inseparable. You realized how sweet and kind and funny she was, and something between the two of you just seemed to click. She was more like you and had more things in common with you than you ever would have guessed. She was even able to show you that you were not stupid, you knew just as much as she did, you just had trouble articulating that.

But on the side, you worked in a cozy little bookstore with this well-thought-out name: Books. And when you weren't in there, not really doing anything since people had more important things to do than spend money in a tiny, quiet bookstore, you were writing. You constantly wrote, dreaming to pursue your dream to get your very first book published soon—you wrote at work, during your breaks, especially since the days were slow and uneventful. Writing made you feel like you could control everything happening in your life. The words falling from your fingertips onto the keyboard and into your document made you feel especially powerful, almost magnificent.

And when you weren't writing or studying, you were drawing. Just for fun. You had your own studio in your house, something you felt thrilled about. Sometimes drawing gave you newfound inspiration for writing.

Now, don't get yourself wrong here. You weren't the very best artist, but you tried, and the things you created made sense to you. It was an excellent medium to express your deep emotions in a way other than words.

"Alright, you ready to go get some coffee?" Tessa asked. You were more than happy to get up from the park bench and go to your favorite cafe in the world: Brooklyn Cafe and Company. It was definitely time for your daily ingestion of caffeine, so you gleefully said, "Oh my gosh, yes, let's go."

You pulled yourself lazily off the bench, tiredly letting your legs drag along the pavement as you began walking. Tessa happily put her arm around your shoulder, giggling as she copied your movements.

Once you arrived at the Cafe, the calming scent of coffee infiltrated your nostrils, immediately making you desperately crave your favorite order: a small mocha coffee topped with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and tiny chocolate curls.

Tessa ordered a simple caramel iced coffee, which was her personal favorite.

You found your seats at a little booth, removing your sweatshirts and settling in to just have girl talk.

"So how's everything been going for you?" she asked. You'd recently been out of town in the mountains visiting family in Colorado.

"Oh, you know. Same old, same old," you said, taking a sip of your sugary chocolatey drink.

She nodded in agreement. "Ditto."

"Anyways, how was your trip? You meet anyone...do anything..?" she asked, pouring an extra sugar packet into her already sucrose-laden drink. You yourself loved sugar and all things sweet, but if anyone loved it more, it was Tessa.

You started, "To be completely honest, nothing really happened. Just had some quality time with my mom and dad for the first time in a while, and that was it. Ever since El-Eleanor, things have been s-so hard...but we-we are doing...alright," you said, feeling your eyes begin to water.

"Ohh, doll, it's okay," she said, attempting to give you some much-needed consolation.

You put your head down on the table, burying your face into your arms, beginning to sob and sniffle.

About a year ago, your younger sister, Eleanor had passed away in a car accident on a road trip to California with her friends. She was the one driving, at around seventy-five miles an hour. A large pickup truck swerved into her lane on the two-lane road, and she did not have enough time to get over into the ditch. The head-on collision killed everyone in her car, and it was later discovered that the man in the pickup truck had been drunk.

He had a blood alcohol concentration of 0.25 percent. He was so past the point of just being 'drunk' that even to this day you struggled to understand how he had the cognitive ability to get into the truck in the first place.

You were angry, you felt betrayed, you took her loss personally, and it completely shattered you. If you didn't have Tessa with you for all those years, if you didn't have her to make you feel better, you don't know what would have happened to you. You were so close to El when she was around, which made losing her the most painful thing you'd experience in your life. There is so much you wanted to see her do and accomplish. So many memories you wanted to make with her that you wouldn't be able to.

You sat up, reaching into your purse for your small little packet of Kleenex, wiping your nose, and drying your tears.

"Aww, sweetheart, it will be alright," Tessa said, still holding your hand from across the table, looking up at you with a worried expression.

Your own eyes were puffy and red, and your entire face was now flushed from your tears.

All of a sudden, the adorable teenage boy named Nicolas that worked in the Brooklyn Cafe came over to Tessa. He had the biggest crush on her because after all, she was Tessa Jones (in his eyes). It was probably around four in the evening by now, and this was when his shift started after school.

"H-hi T-Tessa," he stumbled. You began to suddenly laugh through your tears. This innocent boy's attempt at winning your best friend's heart never failed to cheer you up.

"Hey Nicolas!" she replied happily. "How are ya doing today man?"

She was always so kind to him, even though she could never actually be in a relationship with him. Being a Sophomore in high school, he often was bullied many times by so many girls, but Tessa was the only person that saw him for who he really was. She never made fun of him, or made him feel stupid, or caused him any pain.

She had this amazing ability to always be so kind without even trying.

"Haha, I-I'm doing well," Nicolas nervously replied.

Unfortunately, the group of girls that were bullying him walked into the Cafe, ready to give him trouble. Very quickly, Tessa scooted over, telling Nick to sit down next to her and just act natural. The girls looked over at him, wanting to say something that would hurt his feelings, but instead, they were stuck with quite envious expressions when they saw he was sitting next to an extremely gorgeous young woman and her friend (you) sitting across the table.

They watched from afar as he laughed and chatted with them, completely pretending that his bullies weren't in line getting coffee. That was when the girls realized they had no power over him, and once they got their drinks, they left the Cafe rolling their eyes, definitely upset that he was able to so easily get along with kinder, older girls with ease.

For only a few more minutes, you and Tessa talked with Nicolas before he had to go work his shift. After he left, you saw your friend smirk at you before picking up her phone and texting someone.

You sniffled with your nose still running, but luckily, your tears had finally dried. "Tessa...what are you doing?" you asked her, in a playfully accusatory tone.

"What are you talking about?" she responded, all innocent.

"Oh, stop acting innocent. You're doing something on your phone...and you're so not telling me about it!"

"No way!" she blurted.

"Ugh. Fine," you said, just letting go of it.

You two moved past your stupid disagreement and just gossiped about everything happening in your lives, all the way from the stupid drama between people in your school all the way to future plans after college. As you know, when you get really into the conversations you have with friends, the most random topics come up.

"Yeah, and I heard Maddie was cheating on Jayden. Isn't that just terrible...they were together literally since Junior year of high school, apparently," Tessa said. By now, her coffee was down to the whipped cream and it made a funny noise as she tried getting it to go through the straw.

"Fuck. That really does suck. I would just be heartbroken if I lost someone like that...after knowing them forever," you said. Finally, you laughed at her, giving her shit about her straw, and just told her to scoop the whipped cream out instead.

Nearly a full hour passed by and you two were still in the coffee shop, carelessly blabbering and losing track of time.

"But yeah, I'm pretty nervous about graduation in May. I keep getting nightmares about failing finals...or getting in serious trouble...or going to jail…or something. I never feel like I will be ready, and it just always feels that way," you confided.

"Eh, same. But I think everyone feels that way, in more ways than none. We should be good, though, and again, just remember the things I told you," she reassured. "You're one of the most brilliant, and tolerable, people I know."

You smiled at her, saying, "thank you." Behind you, you heard the door of the Cafe ring open. Someone walked in, standing right by your table. Before you could even understand what was happening, Tessa yelled, "Surprise!"

You turned and saw that your boyfriend of one year, Joshua Newberry, had surprised you.

So that's what Tessa was doing on her phone. Huh.

You excitedly got up from your booth and hugged him. You pulled away, saying, "Hi Joshua! I missed you so much, what are you doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to come home for another week?"

Being a full one year younger than you, Joshua had been away on a fall vacation with his family in the sunny Bahamas for the last week and was supposed to be gone for yet another week. He goes to NY University and is majoring in Music Theory with a concentration in Contemporary Production and Songwriting.

And of course, he plays the guitar beautifully, and his talent fails to amaze you.

"Silly, I surprised you! I told you I would be gone for two weeks, but our trip only went for one, and I just got back today," he said, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. You blushed, hugging him again.

"Here, come sit by me," you said, grinning, inviting him into the booth.

Joshua had medium-length, blonde hair, blue eyes, and wore these adorable round glasses that it seemed only he could pull off. He wore light denim jeans and had his usual brown sweater on; it always smelled so much like him.

"Tell me about your trip, what did you do?" you asked.

"Well, my trip was pretty good babe. We went swimming and spent literally all of our time on the beach drinking Trulys and Mike's Hard," he said. "Honestly, it was super dope."

"That sounds wonderful, I'm so happy for you," you replied. Something, however, didn't sit quite right with you. About him, and his weirdly monotonous tone. He seemed just off—as though he wasn't as happy as he was saying.

Maybe he's just tired, no big deal.

"Thanks," he said, slightly shrugging.

Tessa just looked at you and could tell maybe something was off, but the air felt too heavy to pay it any acknowledgment.

"Do they have any good drinks in here?" he added, almost sounding disgusted as he glanced at your empty cup of mocha coffee and whipped cream. You just looked at Joshua, feeling slightly heartbroken over a stupid cup of coffee.

He knows I love this place. And their drinks. Why is he being such a dick?

In an irritated fashion, he just got up and went to the front desk and when he came back, you could see he had a regular black coffee. He didn't even say anything to you.

You continued to make excuses for him, always giving him the benefit of your doubts even if he didn't deserve it.

Stop overthinking, he's just tired from his trip.

"H-hey Joshua, is everything okay?" you asked. "You-you seem a little upset right now is all."

"No worries darling, I'm doing alright. Just exhausted from my trip. My parents have been fucking pressing me for the last few months to change my major...they don't fucking think I can get anywhere with music. Little late mom and dad, don't you think? I'll be a fucking senior. Plus music is my dream, it always has been, and-and they know that."

You relaxed your expression, dropping your shoulders, immediately beginning to feel relaxed. Even though your understanding of new information about what Joshua was dealing with hurt you and made you feel bad for him, it made you feel relieved in some twisted way.

Because at least you weren't the issue.

"Awww Joshua, I'm so sorry—"

"Shut the fuck up! You don't fucking understand! My parents are threatening to stop paying for my tuition unless I switch my major!" he lashed out. A few other customers in the Cafe looked over, morbidly curious at why some dude was angrily yelling out of nowhere.

Your face heated up with embarrassment as you felt more tears rush to your eyes, and your throat started to hurt since you struggled to stop yourself from crying.

Tessa appeared to look sad about this situation. She never wanted this to happen, all she wanted was for you and your boyfriend to spend some time together. That's why she invited him in the first place.

Not for him to take out his anger about his personal problems on you.

"Hey, that's your fucking girlfriend you're talking to. She's trying to make you feel better. Be a little kinder to her, asshole . This isn't her fault," she said, coming to your defense. You were very thankful for her, especially now. She always chose your side over his, which is a perfect representation of how wonderful of a person she is.

You were also thankful you weren't alone with him in the Cafe, since he always got angry at you whenever you tried making him feel better. He was moody all the time. This event was one of many times Joshua had verbally hurt you, or when he made you feel bad when you never did anything wrong in the first place.

She was genuinely able to see through Joshua instead of making excuses for him. To be frank, she never really liked him in the first place. You were thankful Tessa was in there with you, she knew he was like this.

"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking down at his coffee, sounding both insincere and ingenuous. His words never seemed to match up with his actions, but truth be told, you were used to it. Ever since you met him, he was like this.

The self-esteem issues, the feeling sorry for yourself, the never feeling good enough, it was always there with Joshua.

As hygiene is to showering, and as feeling good is to your favorite dessert, loneliness is to Joshua.

You sighed, yet again. "Uhhh. It's alright Joshua, I, um, I understand. But what I was saying...was that maybe if you talk to your parents about it, or something, they might hear your side."

"I did, and they have. But by now, they thought I'd have released my music and stuff, but I have not," he confessed.

"What? You told me you released your stuff on Spotify—" you questioned in disbelief. You remembered when he told you he did this but wasn't ready to show you. Or rather, because he never released any music.

Red-hot anger built up inside you. "Wait...did you lie to me?"

Joshua's face turned pale.

He realized he should not have just said that, moving his hand up to run it through his hair anxiously. "Ohh, shit, I...I forgot...you weren't supposed to find out...sorry."

This would have been one of the only times you could defend yourself since he was caught in the wrong.

"Joshua! I thought you were done with the lies! For all I know, this is an entire lie and you're just trying to get me to feel bad for your sorry ass. Or you want me to give you money or something. Or maybe you lied to your parents, too. But if you're being honest and your parents won't finish paying your tuition, then I'm sorry. For the love of God, just stop making promises if you can not fucking keep them," you spat, doing your best to keep your voice down.

He was clearly losing his temper again. "Fucking dumb bitch," he muttered angrily.

You moved your head to see the other patrons in the shop, and at this point, they were watching your interaction with Joshua like it was a movie and it made you feel even more hurt and embarrassed.

People that love me shouldn't make me feel this way in public. Or ever.

His hurtful words immediately struck you somewhere deep in your core, and you felt a pang of sadness encapsulate your breaking little heart.

Another round of tears began forming in your eyes, and this time, it was too much to hold back. After the emotional rollercoaster that was talking to Tessa about Eleanor, then being surprised with Joshua, then having him lash out, then watching Tessa lash out at him, then you lashing out, then having him hurt your feelings again, you couldn't hold it in. It was a vicious cycle of too many emotions right now.

You felt like everything in your world was collapsing in on itself, a dam breaking.

As you began to cry, you silently collected your belongings and pulled your sweatshirt over your head. You scooted out of the booth, and whimpered, "I-I'm going home. It's getting late and...I'm tired." You wiped your nose with your sleeve.

Neither Tessa nor Joshua said anything, they just watched you as you turned away and walked out the door, the little bell jingling. Your best friend most assuredly felt terrible for you while your boyfriend was busy simmering with anger.

Your tears felt cold on your cheeks as they trickled down. It was getting dark out, and you were shivering. Your walk home, however, wasn't too far from Sunset Park. You felt as though running would help channel your emotions into something, so you ran. You began running, happy with your decision since you couldn't stop your tears.

Unsurprisingly to you, after less than sixty seconds of your mini-marathon, you were exhausted and opted to just fucking walk like a normal human being instead.

Out of your peripheral vision, you saw a little red car slow down to your speed. At first, it spooked you, but soon those feelings vanished. Ah, yes. A red Toyota. Joshua's red Toyota.

"Hey! I'm sorry about what I said, but you know I can't let you walk home!" he yelled, rolling down his window.

You ignored his cries, keeping your eyes in front of you and your feet were now gently stomping down the pavement. You were still panting and your throat was burning from the frigid, autumn air after your stupid forty-second run.

This was stupid. I should have known it was going to get down to forty degrees tonight.

This time he said your name. "Please, get in!" he yelled.

You stopped walking, crossed your arms, and considered him for a moment. His car came to a stop.

"Fine," you said, complaining.

You meandered over to the other side of Joshua's car, walking in the front of it, and you clambered angrily into the passenger seat. "I'm still not talking to you. I'm mad at you still."

He just let out another huff, trying to get you to reason with him. "Listen. I really am sorry for being such a dick. Take this ride as the worst apology...but please...please forgive me."

You looked at him with your puffy eyes, but it was getting difficult to remain mad. He was trying to be nice to you, so, being the girl you were, you easily believed him.

"You hurt me! And you made me feel so terrible about myself! I've been crying all this time!" you barked. "I'm really getting tired of this. Of you always making feel like nothing. Just...really getting tired."

You wiped your eyes and nose again.

"Honey, I really am sorry," he said.

You smiled, replying, "Okay. I believe you."

"Now let me take you home?"

"Thank you. Going home sounds great."

The rest of your five-minute ride to your house passed by in comfortable silence. At last, the car came to a slow stop as it arrived up to your building.

387 Cambridge St. Levittown, Brooklyn, NY 13216

Home.

Joshua pulled over, so you could get out. Based on the direction he came down the road, you could see your building from outside the passenger window.

Your home was a light grey color with a red-shingled roof, and the entrance door was made of dark mahogany wood and a black screen door in front of that. A normal looking sidewalk greeted you, and then there were little concrete steps that led up to the door itself. The front lawn was now turning a pale, dead color due to the changing weather. Luckily, the bushes in front of your house were still alive and the pink bougainvillea flowers growing on them still had their color, albeit fading. The poor petals appeared to be shriveled up and dying.

It was a bit hard to see everything as the sun had set about an hour ago, but by now, you knew your building and what it should look like.

"Well, thank you for the ride, Joshua. I'm gonna go. Talk to you tomorrow?" you asked, ready to leave. Your eyes felt sore from all the crying you'd been doing.

"Um, actually, maybe you could stay with me and come to this party I'm going to later. Gonna just hang and chill with some friends since I was gone for a week, would you be down?" he questioned, seeming to ask you on the fly, as though he just remembered he was going to a party tonight.

You thought about it for a minute, before saying, "But I'm pretty tired. Plus I'm not completely ready to forgive you."

"Please come with me," he begged, grabbing your arm.

All of the resulting guilt he caused you to feel took over, so you simply obliged. "Alright, alright. Let me go change into something, first," you agreed.

He let go of your arm, letting you exit his car and walk up to your door.

You pulled out your keys with a newfound excitement when you remembered who was in there, and before you could fully open your door, your baby boy german shepherd named Zeus was already jumping on you, excited that you remembered he was there all by himself all afternoon.

"Hi, Zoosey! What's going on little guy!" you happily squeaked. He loved his little nickname and began happily barking at you as he got up and jumped on your lower waist. He whined with excitement, and his giddy little butt swayed in time with his tail wagging.

"I know, I know, buddy—let me let you outside, okay?" you asked him, knowing he wouldn't respond anyway.

He was still a tiny pup, and his ears weren't yet standing up. You'd just gotten him a few weeks ago, and you took him with you to Colorado to see your parents. Clearly, they loved him. He was a very sweet, obedient, and innocent dog, and you were so thankful you had him, especially since you were still grieving the loss of Eleanor.

You took your coat off and walked through the house to the back sliding door, where you opened it and let your baby Zeus frolic and play and take a shit in the dying grass. For a moment, you wished you could be excited about going out that door as he was.

Inside your home, you turned back around to be met with your kitchen. Your cabinets were a light brown wooden color, and your countertops were simple granite. Opposite the kitchen was a small beige dining table, which you usually ate at alone, with Tessa, or with Joshua on occasion. As you made your way back through the house, there was a bathroom on the right side of the hallway adjacent to the dining table. Your living room, which was near the front door, was one of your favorite places to be. You had a very soft white couch with a million pillows and two of your favorite, softest blankets. Instead of going out, all you wanted was to stay there and turn on the television. Right in front of the couch was a small coffee table you kept snacks on and magazines, and the staircase was just through the living room.

Upstairs, your room was the first door on the right. Your room was a calm dark grey color, and your bed was a queen. You had a black desk up there and a small little bookshelf. Your closet was home to all of your clothes. Down the hallway, there was another bathroom, and at the very end was your art studio. You preferred writing in your room, sometimes at your desk, and other times on your bed or on the couch in the living room.

The only reason you were a senior in college with a fucking house was because of the lawsuit last October. Your family sued the drunk driver's family for one million dollars in total damages, but you actually ended up with around five-hundred thousand dollars in the settlement. Your parents gave you a large sum to keep for yourself to help pay for college, and you figured you would buy a house in Brooklyn, too. Your parents used the money to move to Colorado Springs and get away from the city, as well. You all used to live in New York, but things really do change when you lose someone.

And that's why you moved to Brooklyn, and not somewhere like Manhattan or New York City. The homes were exponentially cheaper, plus you just needed to get away from the ruckus of city life. Brooklyn was cozier, and more inviting anyway.

But you didn't even know if this change was for better or worse.

Getting the money made you feel immense guilt and pain. You'd rather pay off hundreds of thousands of student loans forever and be homeless if it meant Eleanor was alive. The tears started building in your eyes again, pangs of heartbreak startling you once more. You really didn't want to leave and go with Joshua to some party, but you felt like things between the two of you would get worse if you didn't. You worried he might get angry at you, again.

Over the course of your relationship, he never once asked you what you wanted to do, and if he did, you ended up doing something he wanted to in addition.

After you looked around your empty house, you sighed and wiped your eyes again. You ran quickly upstairs and changed out of your leggings into your favorite black ripped jeans that flattered your curves along with your soft maroon sweater to go along with it. You went into the bathroom and fixed your hair and makeup, wanting to at least be presentable to Joshua's friends.

After you finished doing your thing, you went back downstairs and let Zeus in. "You want a treat buddy?"

You walked over to the box of treats on the counter, pulling out his Milk-Bone biscuit.

"Zoosey, sit, buddy," you instructed. He happily listened. I guess my puppy training is working after all.

He took his treat and ran into the living room where his bed was. He only needed his kennel for about two months before he got the hang of potty training. His good doggy manners always were a surprise, especially considering your parents' dog, Toby, who was the definition of mischief.

He tore up your parent's couches back in your New York home many years ago when you were a young girl, and to this day, he still was acting absolute nuts and chewed your parents' various belongings at their new home out west, in Colorado. You would know this to be true—the last time you saw Toby, he ate your brand new pair of shoes and you found what was left of them next to your bed in a slobbery pile of rubber and cloth.

You heard your pup chomping on his treat and realized you had to go, it had been ten minutes already. You grabbed your coat, cell phone, and everything you needed. You made sure the back door was locked before heading out the front door, locking it behind you and telling Zeus you'd be back and you loved him. You left on the floor lamp next to the front door so your Zeus could still see for when he wanted to get water and food from his bowls.

Stepping back out into the cold air, you quickly rushed back into Joshua's car. The heat was still on, and it felt so good in comparison to the cold breeze outside.

"Sorry, Joshua. Had to let baby Zeus out and change," you apologized, sticking out your bottom lip.

"No worries, just happy you're going with me," he responded.

You smiled, glowing at the fact he wanted you to go with him. Maybe, his trip away was what he needed. Maybe, he was finally turning a new leaf and beginning to appreciate you more instead of constantly leaving you in the dark, feeling like you didn't matter.

"So, we're meeting up at Colton's place for the party. He said bring your own beer, so hopefully, that explains the case of Coors Light in the back, babe." You looked in the back seat, and surely enough the beer was there. "He only lives forty-five minutes from here, so not too far, eh?"

You started, "Well, Colton's the funny looking one, with-with the blonde hair, right?" You paused, feeling disbelief. "And what? Forty-five minutes away, what the fuck? Why can't he just have his party near here or in one of the dorms?"

"Well, his parents live in a mansion in Greystone on Hudson, in a private gated community. And...his parents are out of town. We can do whatever we want in that mansion. Colton's twenty-one, so he can legally let us into the property. So, yeah I would say the drive is definitely worth it."

"Ughh. Fine. We can go," you said.

I really, really don't want to, though. Oh well.

Joshua then shifted his car into drive, you put on your seatbelt, adding, "Also, can we maybe only stay like an hour?"

"Of course, uhh yeah, I guess that sounds good with me. But, it's not even eight in the evening," he said, not really tacking on any emotion to his words.

The drive out of Brooklyn largely was uneventful, but you made the best out of the situation. You opted to listen to some music on the way to the party, getting lost in your own emotions and feelings. However, once you drove through Manhattan, your boyfriend caught some road rage.

"Stupid fucker!" he yelled out his window at the driver that tried cutting him off as he was trying to merge on the expressway. He put his middle finger up with angry force and angrily slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.

You admonished him. "Well, if you weren't speeding into traffic, maybe he wouldn't have tried cutting you off! Clearly, you were in his way! Are you trying to get us kill—" you halted your speech, remembering Eleanor, how she died on the expressway. Except she was on a two-lane road, and it was an intoxicated driver. You felt nothing, not even a single tear formed in your eyes. Maybe, somewhere in that time Joshua tried apologizing to you or something about his driving rage, but you didn't feel like listening. He knew her. Joshua had known El as a friend for a few years before you knew him. She was his age, one year younger.

You calmed yourself down and put in your headphones, turning up the music louder and putting your head back, and closing your eyes. That sudden rush of adrenaline must have put you to sleep because you didn't remember the rest of the car ride.

You felt yourself wake up, stretching out your arms. The red Toyota was now moving much slower, and soon it came to a stop, pulling up to Colton's. His house was definitely his parents' place because it was a mansion in comparison to your little abode. No way would he be able to own that by himself. It was a golden-tan color with large windows and an extremely fancy dark brown roof. You could see chandeliers hanging inside the house from the ceiling on the second floor. People were all over the lawn, talking to each other and drinking and smoking as the sound of music played somewhere from inside the house.

Joshua walked you to the front door, and you nervously waited for someone inside to greet you. A few moments later, after he rang the doorbell, the large door swung open from the inside.

"Heyyy, Joshuaaaa! Long time, no see, dude!" you heard his blonde friend exclaim, pulling him into what you knew as a "bro hug." He was already buzzed with whatever he was drinking out of the bottle in his hand.

"Hey Colt!" he said in return. He introduced you to his friend once more, saying, "This is my girlfriend, you remember her? From the last party, the one we had in your dorm?" You vividly remember having a pretty fun time at that dorm party, and Tessa was actually with you at the time.

"Yeah...I think I remember you. Hello again, please come in," Colton said, directed towards you. "Parents are outta town," he added, winking.

Joshua walked in first, seeming to forget you were there next to him, yet you happily followed behind him. Colton's parents' house was beautiful on the inside, you forgot what their jobs were, but boy did they have some money. First of all, the place was crammed with a bunch of college students dressed in night-wear outfits holding red solo cups. There were two large staircases on either side of the entry room, meeting up at a large balcony on the second floor at the top. The giant chandelier you could see from the outside was up at the top of the ceiling, shining and beautiful.

Immediately, you felt remarkably out of place for this type of environment, but you wouldn't give any indication of that to Joshua or anyone near you. People could be seen making out all over the place, some of them you recognized from your classes, but most you didn't. Loud rap music could be heard from the large room in the back of the house, and Colton was leading you and your boyfriend closer to it.

You decided to keep your purse around, fully knowing it would get lost or stolen if you didn't.

Even more people were packed into the living room, and the exquisite-looking kitchen was trashed with food, bags of chips, and loads of bottles of alcohols, wines, vodkas, beers, seltzers, and even a plate of jello shots.

This was crazy. Not even close to the parties you were used to, or could tolerate.

The music in the background was actually a rap song you liked. Birthday Sex by Jeremih. Classic 2009s.

You began to make out the words and decided that you could internally be a stripper. Unfortunately, it wasn't your birthday, nor was Joshua going to have sex with you. Ever since El, you just hadn't been interested in having his mediocre penis inside of you ever again. That, combined with his less-than-desirable sex experience, you just never wanted to do anything with him. But of course, you didn't tell him that, you just told him you weren't feeling up for it, and thankfully, he respected your wishes.

Your spark of sexual energy between the two of you during the first few months of your relationship was very much dead. Along with nearly everything you two had shared, you could feel it slipping away. But you were too afraid to let Joshua go. Because even if you walked away, Joshua wouldn't come back for you.

And that terrified you. He was your first of many things, and letting him go...well...it just couldn't happen.

You couldn't be the one to break his heart.

On the bright side, however, you did have your trusty vibrator that you kept hidden in your room, and goodness did you have fun with that lovely little invention. Your pussy was more than happy with being sexually satisfied with your loyal buzzing friend, you didn't need him to fuck you for him to make you happy, since was there for you emotionally.

Right?

Well...most of the time. When he wasn't the one causing your sadness and emotional distress.

The chorus of Birthday Sex returned to your eardrums and you remembered.

Oh, shit. I'm at a party. Maybe I could go talk to Joshua's friends. Or meet a new friend. Or go get something to drink.

A girl you didn't know came up to talk to you. "Hey. Never seen you before, and I hate parties. The name's Hale. Ophelia Hale," she said. She had gorgeous, long black hair with a seamless magenta ombre fading into the back of her hair that beautifully complemented her complexion.

You introduced yourself, "Hi! It's nice to meet you. I hate parties, too. My boyfriend wanted me to come with so badly, so here we are." You gestured over to Joshua, who could be seen talking with a group of random dudes.

"I go to NYU, for Psychology," you said.

"Nice, I graduated last May. From Columbia," she said. You nearly spit out your drink.

"Colombia? Girl, good for you! I barely got into NYU, and Colombia rejected me."

"Shit, sorry about that. I got in on a full-tuition scholarship for Computer Programming and Coding. I wouldn't say I'm the best at it, but I am damn good. I don't know. Turns out they really fucking want women in science, or some shit."

You laughed, feeling thankful she had a sense of humor and wasn't all serious. Most people that went to such prestigious colleges talked about their education as though they had a stick shoved seven feet up their asses.

"I know right! But holy moly, that's incredible. Good for you," you replied, giggling.

"Well, who are you here with?" Ophelia asked.

"Oh, I'm here with my boyfriend, his name's Joshua Newberry. Over there with the brown sweatshirt and jeans," you replied, pointing at him.

Joshua noticed you were looking at him, so he pulled himself from his conversation with those random guys, walking over to you. "Hey, wanna go get some drinks?" He pointed to the messy kitchen, smiling.

"Yeah sure, sounds great. But I'm only having one," you said, laughing again.

She quickly pulled out a business card, something that you guessed to be related to her career, but when you read it, it had her cell number on it, so it would work. You slipped it into your back pocket.

"Catch ya later, Ophelia."

You meandered over to the kitchen, following Joshua. You saw your favorite alcoholic drink, champagne, and took the unopened bottle from the small ice cooler on the floor, beginning to feel excited about getting tipsy and finally letting yourself loose. It actually had been a very long time since you'd drank. You popped open the top of the bottle, with the cork opener you saw on the counter. You found a glass on the counter and filled your entire glass all the way to the brim.

"Wow, champagne again? Every party you drink that shit. Expensive taste, huh." Joshua said, watching you fill your glass. "Geez, don't you think that's enough? You can always come back for more."

Joyously, turning to him and smiling, you took a small sip and felt instant relaxation the second the chilled, syrupy liquid coated your tongue, and traveled down your throat. It tasted like Heaven. "Gonna come back for more anyways," you said.

Joshua was having a regular beer, and the two of you moved over to the other side of the counter. He was just standing there quietly, observing the crowd of people. Colton had disappeared off someone into the abyss of his house, but you didn't really care where he was.

You began having a sensation of giddiness after you took a few more sips, knowing that soon you'd be out of it. Able to forget all of your problems, even if it was for a moment.

"Come dance with me," you complained to your boyfriend. "This is boring and you dragged me here so I want to have fun now."

He chuckled, "Of course you're bored, this is a party. I know you would rather be at home writing or watching your shows, I know. But you're my pretty girlfriend, and I couldn't leave you by yourself on a night like this."

Whether it was your drink or his nice words, you easily began glowing, taking his hand and moving your body seductively to the rap music. People were all around you, dancing and grinding on each other like horny animals during mating season. Very briefly, you set your glass on the table behind you, putting your arms in the air, wanting to get closer to your boyfriend and let him touch you down the side of your body.

As he was doing it, however, something odd started happening.

He was still touching down your curves, but he was looking behind you, just past where he should have been looking into your eyes. You turned your head around to see behind you, saying, "What are you looking at?"

When you turned around nobody was there, just people dancing. "Oh, nothing, just thought I saw someone, sorry," he replied. You hurriedly grabbed your drink, knowing you didn't want to leave it there too long, and you took a big sip.

"Who were you looking for?"

"Just...uhh...a friend. That's all. Nothing to worry about, please. Don't worry."

"Okay then babe, let's keep dancing." You felt the music run through your body once more, fresh confidence striking your nervous system with a passion. You began screaming out the music, indifferent to the other partygoers' opinions of the behavior you were exhibiting. Fearlessly, this continued for the next ten minutes, and by now you were having a blast.

Eventually, you took the last sip of your champagne, but a few minutes after, your world started appearing blurry. You could still hear the music, but it was only a distant echo. You felt your lips trying to move, singing along to the music, but you weren't sure if the words were coming out. The legs that supported your figure began feeling weak, and as you were trying to dance, you started stumbling over your feet.

People around you appeared to be spinning, and you could not tell if they were staring at you or laughing at you. Everyone looked completely normal, their voices blended together into a muddle of noise, and you felt like you slipped into a dream-state, floating between consciousness and unconsciousness. Joshua looked worried, but you could barely make out his expression.

It felt as though you fell to the floor and your head barely missed the coffee table behind you, and everything went black.

After an unidentifiable amount of time, your brain became aware of what was happening, and you could see the surroundings around you, but things were blurry. You felt like you were laying down? No, it wasn't quite that. Someone was carrying you with every step as you noticed your head was bouncing gently with every step. At least they had the decency to support your head with their arm.

You felt yourself being brought upstairs, but you were so sleepy that you just assumed maybe you were at home still, completely disregarding the fact that you could hear party music blasting in the background.

You began to hear some people angrily yelling around you, a mixture of mindless bickering and serious fighting.

During this entire time, you had your eyes closed and were only imagining seeing your surroundings, but you could still see. You still felt extremely relaxed and at peace. Maybe you hadn't been drinking champagne, maybe you accidentally had something too strong and that's why you were feeling so floaty.

Your eyelids opened slightly, and you could identify the person carrying you as Joshua. The sound of people fighting in the background faded away as you reached what felt like the final step of the staircase.

Maybe Joshua was trying to make sure you were alright by getting you away from the party and someone figured out what you drank.

He laid you down on a very soft bed inside a tan-colored room that was probably super fancy. "Shh, this will all be over soon," you heard him say, and you believed his words, smiling as you let yourself drift off again.

Very subtly, you also heard some muttering between two guys, this time. Is that my boyfriend and Colton talking?

You struggled to open your eyes, but when you did, it was a mere squint. The room lights dimmed around you, and it made it a bit easier to see what was going on. The bright lights made you feel like you were looking into the fucking sun.

And then you saw him.

Colton.

You saw Colton above you.

Again, things were awfully blurry, but what you were feeling was nothing short of sadness and dread. He leaned down, and began to kiss your lips in a disgusting manner that made you want to run away, forever. You weakly lifted your arms and tried pushing him away, but he was much stronger than you in this situation. Only then did you realize you had been drugged. Someone must have put something in your drink.

It was probably the boy currently trying to violate you who did it when you set your drink down behind you.

You tried speaking, you tried begging him to stop. "P-please ...no...no...no," you whispered.

He probably knew you were awake, but he didn't care. You tried looking around the room, wondering where Joshua was, but you realized that the drugs likely caused you to hallucinate his voice earlier.

Hot, fresh tears pooled in your eyes and trickled down the side of your face, going into your ears as he continued his assault on your body. You could not believe this was happening. After not going to a party for a while, you thought tonight might be different. You should have been able to enjoy your night as much as you could, without worrying about something like this happening.

Your vision went black again, and it was nice for a moment. You weren't crying, you weren't sad, you weren't anything. Maybe you were dying and soon you would see Eleanor again. You never wanted to die, but that seemed better than the terrible things someone wanted to do to you. For better or worse though, you woke up again, but this time your pants were gone and you were shirtless, only in your bra and underwear.

Colton was completely undressed, really taking his time and trying to drag this out. It made you want to pretty much be sad forever.

How could someone do this to you? How could they make you feel so worthless? As though the only thing you had to offer was your body.

Your face was still hot, and as if he didn't care you were under distress, he pulled down your underwear with complete ease.

"Shhh, stop. There's nothing you can do now, nowhere to go. I get to have you now, and if you tell anyone, I will fucking kill you," he threatened. You shuddered, feeling a fresh wave of fear wash down your body.

"Colton, stop, please," you quietly begged. Your voice was just below a whisper before you could feel your vision go black again, floating off into nothingness. You could not handle the gravity of the situation on top of being drugged, so you let yourself sleep.

You woke up to the feeling of something pressing into your entrance, and it hurt terribly. He was trying to stretch you so painfully, and it made you cry even more. He was going so slow, pushing himself in. But almost as though someone was watching over you, maybe a higher power, you could hear loud sirens coming from somewhere.

The door to the room busted open, and although you couldn't see them, two large men dressed in uniforms came through. They angrily ripped Colton from off the bed and shoved his disgustingly degenerate naked ass down to the floor on his stomach. You felt schadenfreude to hear what sounded like him getting the wind knocked from his lungs.

They cuffed his hands, then angrily pulled him up. They forced some underpants on him so he wasn't ass naked, but he didn't deserve the dignity of a shirt. For the final time, more tears involuntarily ran down the side of your face. They were tears of joy.

Your vision went cloudy and faded into black again, but this time, you didn't wake up.

-

25 October 2009

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You shifted around. Wearing different clothing. A different bed. Bedding. A blanket. You were in a bed, wondering what just happened, or if you had died in a car accident when Joshua was getting cut off on the expressway, or something. You had no idea where you were, and part of you didn't wanna know.

A few voices whispered around you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You opened your eyes and were met with a blinding, white light. So by now, you thought you were definitely going into the afterlife. To your greatest surprise, you began to come to and your vision started going back to normal.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was now very obvious to you that you were in a hospital. Since your eyes adjusted, the bright lights on the ceiling appeared to not be so bright. Your mother was there. She saw that you were waking up and immediately scooted her seat closer to you.

You were hooked up to a heart monitor that was right next to you, each beep a reminder you were alive.

"Hi honey, how are you feeling?" her sweet voice whispered as she ran a hand through your hair.

"M-mom?" you squeaked.

"Yes, honey, it's me."

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. Brooklyn Hospital Center," she said.

"What happened?"

"Poor thing...do you think you can remember?"

You paused for a moment, trying to think and see if you had any recollection of your previous night. "Umm...no...not yet...I...ummm...I can't remember."

Putting her hand on your forehead, she said, "That's alright honey, you might never remember, but you might. Just focus on resting for now."

"Okay, mom." As you responded to your mother, you started feeling even more disoriented than ever, and before you knew it, you were sitting up, a wave of nausea coursing through you. You found a tiny trashcan next to your bed on the floor and you took it off the floor puked inside of it, and a little went on your blanket.

"It's okay, let me go get the nurse," she said, getting up and exiting the room. Seconds later, she returned with the person you guessed to be your doctor. He was tall and lanky with short brown hair and light skin and seemed like he used to be the kid in his class that knew every answer to every Calculus problem.

He said your name following a greeting, "My name is Doctor Zzarvaris, but you can call me Doctor Z. I've been taking care of you ever since your arrival early this morning. How are you feeling? I see that you just threw up, which is very expected in cases like this," he said.

"Well...I feel very nauseous and tired and my head hurts. And I can't remember how I got here, or why I'm here," you responded.

The doctor just looked at your mother, concerned.

"We talked with the police officers that brought you here—"

"Police officers! Goodness...what was I up to?" you asked, more of a question for yourself if anything else.

"—Just listen. You were at a party at Colton Mitchell's house all the way in Greystone on Hudson. Apparently, he's a rich kid and his parents definitely weren't home. You went with your boyfriend, Joshua. Now, back to the police situation. At around ten-forty-five in the evening, an anonymous caller contacted local law enforcement and the fire department near the residency. They sent out a report of highly suspicious activity under Colton Mitchell's name. He was extremely intoxicated, and they believed any and all of his actions against you were of a non-consensual nature. And when you were brought in around ten hours ago, your test results came back as we predicted."

A terrible feeling bubbled up in your belly.

After he said this, you started to notice a subtle stinging feeling in your vagina.

"First thing is first: we detected small traces of Rohypnol in your blood, which explains why you have trouble remembering events, and I am greatly sorry for what happened to you. You are lucky you were given such a small dose. Although the person who did it is an immoral criminal, he was heavily intoxicated by that point. All things considered, you are a very lucky victim since your memory is likely to come back to you and you will be able to confirm the anonymous caller's report."

Just like that, some parts of your previous night resurfaced. You began remembering the party, going in with Joshua, and seeing Colton. The music was so loud, and you were tired and you wanted to go home. Nothing else came to you, though.

Not yet.

Doctor Z continued, "Second thing: we have reason to believe you may have fallen and hit your head after becoming disoriented from the drug, which explains your nausea. You have developed a minor concussion. Unfortunately, the only thing we can not explain is why this happened, and again, I am terribly sorry you experienced this. Police are working on your case as we speak. Mitchell and Newberry are being held in prison."

You began, "Wait...Joshua was involved in this?"

"Yes. Police have informed us he was involved in some way, but his motives currently remain unclear," the doctor said.

You didn't respond. Honestly, nothing you could say would make you feel better.

After he finished speaking, your mother took your puke bucket from your hands and set it on the floor. You shyly covered the bits that got on your blanket. The door opened again, and this time a woman with dark hair walked in.

"Hello, I'm a gynecologist and I will be helping you today. My name is Raina. I'm here to perform a quick female exam on you to look for injuries, bleeding, and such," she said with confidence and generosity. "I'm so, so sorry you went through this," she said.

You nodded. "I'm sorry I went through this, too. I know I don't deserve it." You weren't sure what else to say.

"Feel better. Just know that everything will be alright," Doctor Z added.

"Wait. Sorry. Thank you so much," you said to him. "For taking care of me when I needed it."

"Of course. None of this was your fault." He smiled warmly before opening the door and exiting.

Your mother looked at Raina, then back to you, and gathered her things to go wait out her door. You knew she wanted to give you privacy during your exam, which is something you silently were very thankful for.

"Just pull your underwear down to your knees and spread your legs, please," she kindly asked. "And try relaxing."

You felt comfortable enough around her to do this, so you did as she asked. You wanted to know if you had serious damage down there, so you were mature and didn't let it bother you.

You opened your legs, and she began your medical examination. It felt funny having her hands and other medical objects down there, but in a non-sexual way. You didn't really like it, primarily because you'd probably had enough strangers see your vagina in the last twenty-four hours. It was mostly just awkward. On a more serious note, you knew this check-up was necessary.

Without your internal sense of humor, you wouldn't survive anything. Gotta just tell yourself jokes sometimes, ya know?

"Well...everything looks good, but just the very outside of your vaginal canal has a bit of inflammation and irritation. I will send you home with some gentle vaginal cream and it will heal in a few days to two weeks. Everything else looks healthy and normal, I'm happy to say," Raina said, looking relieved.

After she finished, she removed her gloves and turned away to wash off her tools.

You pulled your underwear and hospital shorts back up, feeling equally relieved as her, if not more.

As you shifted around in your seat, you sat up, and it all happened. You began to remember last night.

You sat there, paralyzed.

After you'd met a girl named Hale (you guessed that was her name), you could remember going over to get a glass of champagne with Joshua. Then you were dancing, and acting crazy, and letting yourself go. You saw the look on Joshua's face when something was wrong. Someone had been behind you, dropping the dubious Rohypnol into your cup, unbeknownst to its existence.

He knew. He had been watching Colton do it, keeping you perfectly distracted.

You began to sob, uncontrollable tears streaming from your tired eyes. But why...why...why would he do that...how could he let Colton hurt me?

And then that wasn't even the worst part. You were dizzy, and then you were carried upstairs somehow. What you didn't know was that Colton had just tried telling everyone you were his girlfriend and that you had drunk too much and was going to go bring you upstairs and take care of you. But you weren't conscious enough to see anything.

You remembered him threatening you, him holding you down, him beginning to violate you with pure hatred. As though you were an object, at his disposal. Then, you had been so in shock, so terrified at that moment, that when the police officers busted through the door, your mind finally let go, drifting into darkness.

You rolled over on your side, crying and wailing into your pillow, repeating over and over again, "I remember now, I remember now, I remember now!"

Raina rushed to your side. She tried rubbing your back gently, trying to console you and your pain. Your mother had returned as well, and she knelt down by the bed, rubbing your scalp gently. This episode of agony only continued for two more minutes before your emotions slowed down.

"Uhmmm," you sniffled, "I...uhmm...remember everything. In tiny fragments. But it all...was real. I was...so scared and...so alone."

You couldn't see her, but Raina was crying. You only could see your mother, and she kissed the top of your head. Everyone that had been by your side knew you might remember, but they didn't realize the gravity of your ordeal would set in with such a force.

"Shhhh, I know. It's okay honey, I know," your mother spoke.

Raina gave you a box of Kleenex and even took your puke bucket over to the sink to clean it. She felt so terrible for you. Even though she was a doctor and had a job to do, she was still human. It was hard to watch people hurt.

"Well, it's over now. Gonna be alright, just gotta breathe now," you said, wiping your eyes and nose with the Kleenex.

"Even though this just...really hurts."