At Long Last

Dean entered the room. "Are you sure you need this? Maybe if you went to sleep," he suggested. You were still staring at the paper in your hands. "I can't sleep. You don't think I've tried? Sleep was my getaway from problems, but I can't even do that because a figment of my imagination is keeping me awake and pushing me and hurting me and has ruined my relationship with the only person I've ever loved besides my brothers! And I'm sorry, Dean, but you're like my brother! I know you'll probably hate me for this, but I can't! I need Gabriel, but he's left me here until I die! He's going to let me die, Dean. He's going to let me go back to Hell forever, and there's no coming back from that," you snapped. He took a step away from you and let his head drop to his chest. The paper slipped through your fingers to the floor. "Can I have one last thing? I won't take anything you don't want," he asked in a small voice. You feel a twang of guilt at how young he sounded and agreed. "I just want one kiss." You looked at him and didn't say anything. Taking it as an agreement, he stepped closer until his nose brushed yours.

"I know I can't have you and I understand why. But I'm willing to wait if you want me to. I'll go to the ends of the world to make sure that you're okay first, that you're happy before anyone, including me. Don't say it back, I know you don't mean it, even if you feel obliged to. But I love you, (Y/n). Always have, always will," he said. A small, sad smile crossed his lips before he gently pressed them to yours. His hands rooted themselves in the hairs at the back of your neck, letting each finger dance over them lightly. Everything he felt bled through the kiss into your very soul and you felt something wet on his cheeks. His other hand rested on your hip, tracing familiar letters over and over again onto the warm skin. At last, he pulled away and let his forehead fall to the crook of your neck. "You're too far out of my league, anyways," he whispered. His arms snuck around, clinging onto you like you were the last breath of air in the ocean he was drowning in. "Dean, I'm not leaving you any time soon. I'm not leaving this family without it being by force," you replied. His grip on your tightened at the word "family". "Go on. I need some time just to think," Dean said. Always the gentleman, he opened the door and let you out.

You stumbled out the front door and stared at the spot where John had held you while you screamed for Gabriel before any of this started. You wanted to scream at the skies, rant and beg for the forgiveness you felt like you didn't deserve but you were just too... too. Too tired, too drained, too empty, too emotionally done. But you didn't care anymore. You spotted a clean-ish car near the spot and you opened the door. Collapsing into the leather seat, you sighed and rested your head back on the steering wheel. "What am I going to do?" you whispered to no one in general. Letting the thoughts of you and Gabriel run together, you felt a tear fall onto your thigh. "Gabe, I know you're angry, and I get it. It's my fault. It always was. I'm stupid and useless and a graceless creature that doesn't even deserve to speak your name, let alone miss you the way I do. I'll never stop calling, I'll never say I regret you or that I wish I never had met you because once, you were just what I needed. Oh, screw once. I still need you. Listen, don't, I don't care. But do you still remember me? Do you still remember the stolen kisses and the quiet, sleepy 'I love you' that put me back to sleep in the middle of the night, the nights where we'd finally stop hitting each other with pillows, and the movies we watched? Do you remember our song, the way your warm hands on my sides used to write messages I couldn't decipher?"

You took a deep breath in, wiped away the tears that were blurring your vision, and kept talking to nothing. "Please remember me. You were and are my lifeline, the last thing I have to hold onto in this hell I call my life. The Winchester's are there, but you were there first. I know what I said a while back, that you weren't really there. I was wrong. If I have to tell you this every day to make sure you don't forget me, I will. I love you, Gabriel. Nothing will change it. You're my memories, the first thing I will remember every time. If you want to lose me, you will. If you want me to die, I will. If you love me, I will. If you don't, well, I will. I love you, and I will love you until I die and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."

"I love you, too, sugar."