Giving In, Giving Up

You stared at him until his face fell away and was replaced with Dean. "Pretty good for just memory, huh?" asked Lucifer with a chuckle. You didn't say anything, just let your fingers dance over Dean's cheeks where Gabriel's had been seconds ago. "Now I can do this!" You saw the golden hair you loved and sat up. "Gabriel" was on his knees, choking on something you couldn't see. You knew it wasn't real, but it pulled at you harder than it should have. He dissolved, replacing it with a tied up Gabe. Lucifer put the knife to his cheek, saying, "Tell her how much you love her. Come on, say it." There was fear in his whiskey eyes, something you'd never seen. "I don't. I hate her, every minute I spent with her was a waste. So pathetic, a waste of space, useless and a failure. No wonder Daddy left her," he spat with a sick smirk on his face. It was something you'd never heard, not even in Hell. And it broke you in two. 

Dean was already sitting up beside you, but now you had no choice but to turn into him and cry. "You have to talk to me, baby," he coaxed. "Yeah, tell Dean-o how Satan is driving you insane, how he's eating at your brain! No happy endings will ever find you like this, pet," Lucifer snickered. "I need you to punch me as hard as you can. Either that or take me to the hospital. Dean, I need to sleep. Please," you begged him once you'd calmed down. "I... I'll get my coat," he stammered, putting his shirt back on. You rolled over and sighed. One of your nails fell off and you shut your eyes tightly against Lucifer's yelling. He'd have to stop sometime. Right?

"Okay, let's go. We can take one of Bobby's old cars since they're on a hunt and took the Impala," said Dean. His hair was messy, his clothes wrinkled and crooked. You went forwards and smoothed them out. His eyes never left your face. "I can't have you looking like this, even if it is to go to the hospital. Just clean you up a little... there, now you look handsome," you said, running your hand over the front of his shirt one last time. He was still staring at you with a smile tugging at his lips when you looked up. "You okay?" you asked. "Never been better, baby," he replied, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your lips. His hand reached around to cup the back of your head and you put your hand over his. After a moment, he pulled back and set his forehead on yours. "You were worth the wait," he whispered. You blushed and looked down. "I think I'm going to need a minute by myself before I come to the car. Just to compose myself," you said. With one last kiss, he turned and left for the car. "We'll be right back, Sammy!" you heard Dean call and Sam said something in return. 

You stood there for a minute to reassure you were alone before you knelt by the bed. Clasping your hands, you whispered, "Gabe, please help me. I'm being attacked by your brother and he won't leave me alone. Gabe, I'm so tired, I haven't slept in over four days. I think I'm starting to shut down. If I die, if you let me die, then I'll be his forever and you'll never get me back. Please, I need you. And I miss you so much. Please, just a glance. Something I know is real. He's teasing me, hurting me. Please, Gabriel. I want to explain, but I'm scared. I need you, now more than ever before. Gabey, I love you." You were met with silence, then a two quick flaps of wings. Eyes flying open, you saw a tulip lying on the bed in front of you. Another two flaps behind you. Whirling around, you saw a folded piece of paper on the ground. It was snatched up by Lucifer. "No, no, no! We can't have you keeping contact, can't we?" he said with a smirk.

You remembered the knife hiding in the top drawer of the bedside table. You flipped over it, cut a small cut in the palm of your hand and pressed hard as you could on it. Lucifer sighed and disappeared like static on a TV. The paper was back where it had been moments ago. You walked to it, tying a shirt that was lying on the floor around the bleeding cut. 

Your heart was shattered and not all the best memories and hugs could fix it this time. Perhaps it'd be best to go with Lucifer. At least he'd still try and love you after you pushed him away.