Last Christmas

Confused by Namjoon's words, Iris looked down upon the gift in his hands. It was a CD. Still puzzled, she took it from him and peered up in surprise, asking with her eyes what this was all about.

"It's from Jin."

His name resounded like a bomb drop in Iris's heart. Hardly able to form a word, much less a full sentence in response, her mouth just opened in shock.

Iris's reaction was not unexpected by Namjoon. Although he was oblivious at first due to the two keeping it cool and under wraps, it was only when he noticed Jin sighing more and becoming oddly quiet yet cheery when it was for Iris, that he knew something was up with his buddy.

When he approached Jin, the man was nervous at first but then instantly let out all his worries and hesitations. It was due to Namjoon that Jin finally had the courage to open up to Iris more.

And yet, he was soon going to be leaving her for two years. That wasn't fair to either of them much less just Iris. So he was utterly stumped at what to do.

After more soul searching and confiding with steady Namjoon, Jin resolved himself to making himself clear. But then in the end, he couldn't bring himself to do so. Iris just looked too spectacular and dazzling in stage. He wouldn't break her happiness, success, and hard work for the world, for himself.

Yet, the heart doesn't lie. He couldn't give her up, so he selfishly hugged her, bordered so near to giving a kiss, but withheld himself. And before this, he made a song.

This CD contained that song, a true love song for someone he had admired and then come to love for a very long time. How many years had they known each other? Since 2016, it had been four years before he had to go at the end of 2020 for military service.

"He had wanted to give you this earlier, but that fool didn't want to make things difficult for you because of you finally reaching your dreams." Namjoon gave a strained chuckle of emotion for his close friend and brother.

"And yet he still put a portion of the song's melody into this music box he specially ordered for you. It was supposed to arrive last Christmas, but the company had too many orders I suppose, so it was late, and he did it in secret. Otherwise, I think they'd had rushed his order, and it'll have made the news."

Namjoon laughed a bit before cutting his own joke short upon realizing it was for these reasons of 'making the news' that Jin wanted to prevent for Iris's safety.

"Anyway, he wrote a letter to me about it, and wants you to have it this Christmas. He's doing well, and wants you not to worry, well, I guess the song will better express himself."

Seeing as Iris was taking this all in quietly with a serious expression, Namjoon outstretched a brotherly hand and patted her shoulder.

"I know this is a lot. But I hope you listen to his honest heart. Later, when he comes back, I'll punch him, just for you, haha. And be sure to give him a kick too, okay?"

Iris couldn't help a small smile from cracking her stern face. "Yes, I'll do that. Thank you Namjoon. After all time, you've always been my biggest help, besides Jin haha." She gave a little giggle and them looked downwards on the ground a little forlornly.

"I appreciate it Namjoonie; even though, we're friends, and we're here for one another. I couldn't have made it here without you, and now it looks like I'll have to thank you yet again on this matter too."

Namjoon chuckled and smiled brightly. "Yes, of course. No need to thank me; although, thank you too."

He wasn't sure what else to say to Iris. That he was thankful because the guys had been alone for a long time in the spotlight? And they could finally breathe a bit to maybe find someone they cared about after the height of their fame had passed?

Or simply that her presence had a bigger than ever anticipated impact on their personal lives and career at Big Hit. Five years ago from 2016 to now in 2021, Namjoon couldn't imagine what it would've been like without that fateful meeting.

Thinking to himself about this, he suddenly had another bout of inspiration and kindly excused himself from Iris who also wanted to depart and listen to Jin's song.

With the celebrations winding down to a lull, Iris notified her group mates about her heading back and to not wait or worry and continue enjoying the festivities.

However, there was no way Iris could focus on a Christmas party knowing what she held now in her hands.

Gazing quietly at the CD incased inside a slender, semitransparent plastic holder, and a delicate music box, she suddenly felt how fragile these two items were, and how she needed to protect them.

Inhaling a long breath to steel herself, Iris rose from her seat on the bed and inserted the disc into her personal player.

The music slowly washed over the room and rung out in true, vivid sounds that seemed to shake the very core of Iris's heart. Not a single word had been sung; it had only been less than two seconds, and yet, Iris was already on the edge of being on the verge in tears.

This was not a good start for her heart.

As the last Christmas before Jin would be coming back the next year's summer, Iris suddenly felt how short two years really were. This last year flew by in a flash, and the next one seemed so close.

"...for you, I'd give up everything. But for you, I don't want you to give up anything...

"...don't want to tear you away from where you shine brightest, so I'd rather stay in the dark...

"...but I can't seem to stop thinking about you, every day, every minute, every second.... I love you more than yesterday... yet drift apart a little more... because I can't stay as long as I wished....

"...will you still remember me when I return to your side?"

Iris chucked the pillow she was hugging onto the bed and stood up in angst, piercing daggers through the innocent pillow who cried about its violent mistreatment.

"Darn it Jin! You are SO not fair! How could you do this to me you, you—!! ARGH!"

She stomped about the room in a huff, pacing around while still absorbed into the song. Her emotions fluctuated at every turn of the beat and melody.

I hate you, I love you, she repeated a thousand times over, as if shredding countless petals off a hill of daises. And by the end of it, she was silent once more.

She sat on the edge of her bed, with her head in her hands, thinking.

Then she slowly got up, and hit the replay button.