st Chapter

Title: [Chadhalla in Danger!?! Go Forth Chad! The Beginning of an Epic Saga!]

In a valley offshoot at the back of the righteous Heavenly Thunder Pavilion situated on the largest peak in the Shandong province, a lone derelict shack lay quietly among the scenery.

Every morning; a young man of light build and modest appearance, about 14 years of age, would be seen leaving the shack for the mile-long trek to the lower pavilion. Unassuming as he was, every disciple of the sect knew the lone boy as Cha Du.

He was a farmer's son with mediocre talent and no background, however due to a chance encounter with one of the sect elders he was allowed to become a probationary outer sect member.

Where he lacked in cultivation and talent, he made up with philosophy and ethics.

"A man who runs in front of a cart gets tired." He would say.

"Never go down on one knee for a woman who wouldn't go down on two for you." He would preach.

"If you fish in another man's hole, only crabs will you catch." He would teach.

They loathed him. For he was weak, but his words could move the mountains.

Although he was annoying, he was harmless, so who could ever imagine that this boy would inherit the aspect of the legendary Heavenly Tribulation as a special physique and quickly conquer the known world under the rule of law and power. No remorse. Unyielding. Ruthless. And horny.

"CH-!"

All until the fabric of space ruptured around his realm, destroying his home and killing his people.

"CHAD! Wake up, there's something up with the palace." He could hear his dear wife shout.

Spacial law would churn and reduce everything to base materials then be swallowed into the void.

"Holy shit! I think space is breaking down around the realm, everything is being swallowed up!" His loving wife shouted once more.

All his life's work would be gone in an instant if he didn't act. His friends, lovers and family would be turned to nothing but fragments and memories.

"For the love of… wake the FUCK up." His oh so loving wife, perched on top of his perfectly built body and lovingly wrung his perfectly shaped nipples until a manly yelp escaped his throat. Lovingly of course.

"Shun Ye? Wuss up?" The man woke with a startle and asked in a confused hazy manner.

"Who the fuc… WHO IS THAT, ANOTHER WOMAN?" Ah! Yes of course! This couldn't be anyone but his dearest Ulyssa, his first love and first wife, The Witch of Chadstity.

His wife whose current gaze could burn down several orphanages or the equivalent of a small African hamlet.

He fucked up.

"What? Oh! No, just a dream Lysa my love, get this there were these old men with long ass beards in bathrobes, suicidal young masters, mountain ranges spanning thousands of kilometres, frogs in wells…" The man, Chad, prattled on.

Ulyssa's gaze softened, not a warm gaze but rather a pitiful gaze one would use to stare at a mentally handicapped child.

"For goodness' sake pay attention, how have you not realised what's going on outside?" She gave up.

Chad peeked around her to the large window opposite them. The palace courtyard was there, the walls were there, the guards were nowhere to be seen, and the sky…

"Holy shit!"

...The sky wasn't.

An electric shock ran along his spine, filling him with urgency. Without any deliberation he sprung into action and rushed for the window, punting Ulyssa off the bed alongside the other occupants that were clinging onto him.

"..."

The crystal clear sky, the perfectly bleached clouds, and all the celestial bodies he painstakingly made were replaced by a pitch midnight black tinted only slightly red by the light coming from gaping vortexes ravaging the world boundary.

Prior, the horizon spanned well into the distance, but now he could see a boundary rapidly closing in on the palace.

A golden thread wound loosely around his body forming a dressing gown, without delay Chad blasted open the master bedroom window and rushed outside.

"Gibby! Get your ass here!" Chad roared to nobody in particular.

A second later a streak of light came from the palace and appeared before him. An angelic figure kneeled and greeted him, "Morning father."

"Go and recall everyone inside the palace walls, that's all the guards, servants and beasts. Don't bother with the Valkyries, they're already inside." Chad gave a quick series of commands.

"Aye!" The figure left as quickly as it came, but this time it headed outside the palace walls.

Chad didn't spare him a second glance and instead focused on the sky above.

"Now what?" His stern gaze broke, he was clueless about the current situation.

"Welp, let's use that thing that always works," Chad said with a wry smile.

He reached out his hand and pivoted on his left foot, taking an Olympic javelin stance.

Whirls of energy coiled around his biceps and gathered in a long golden shaft in his right hand. With each second the shaft became clearer and sturdier, eventually flowing into a 10 cm wide spearhead.

[Hello Masta, Initialising Administrator Settings] Chad heard a voice within his psyche.

"Register admin command, all resources to protocol Thundercock"

[Redirecting Energy to Masta]

The spear in his hand swelled in size and aura, giving off a blinding radiance. Weirdly enough, Chad's visage was still perfectly visible inside the ball of light as if even this heavenly brilliance couldn't outshine him.

"Alright pal, imma need you to give it your all here." He thumbed the shaft of the spear in his hand.

「ᚦᚢᚾᛏᛅᚱᚴᚬᚴᚴ᛫ᛋᛅᛅᛚ」

Digging his left foot firmly on the ground and using his right as leverage, he swung the spear with a blur towards the dark sky above the palace.

He did not let go however, the spear in his hand elongated vertically at lightning speed. In an instant, a golden pillar connected the ground and sky.

Once the spearhead reached its zenith all the residual energy avalanched from the tip and around the palace, forming a golden dome.

Giving the spear a couple of firm prods assured Chad of the stiffness, so he finally let go of it to admire his work.

Looking at the most chaotic spatial distortions attacking his shield allowed him to relax, as the Thundercock's energy seemed to be more than enough to tame them.

"Haha, never doubt an ass-pull." He stopped bothering with the dome and walked back to the palace giggling to himself.

******************************

The door to the crisis response room opened wide, a maid stepped through, presumably the one who opened the door. After her, a 6'9" Adonis of a man in his mid-20s walked in grabbing the maid by the waist and made his way to the central table. Wearing a loose golden dressing gown didn't do much to hide his chiselled frame.

Every ounce of his body was covered in tight and compact muscle mass, from his neck to his toes. In fact, the potential energy in his biceps alone could crush a small neutron star, or so he says.

He was quite handsome as well, not the devilish swoon your daughter type handsome, nor that new age dandy twink type handsome. Nah, nah we're talking 80's GI Joe, chiselled jawline, butt chin, tall cheekbones, Roman nose, deep blue eyes and a constantly brooding brow.

However, all these characteristics pale in comparison with his pride and joy, the object of his worship and his trademark. A large golden blonde pompadour gelled upwards with a grand height of 10cm and a colossal length of 37cm exactly.

"Chad, you're finally here." A woman stood up at the end of the table. She had wavy flaxen-white hair running down her back to her waist.

Much like Chad, she was only wearing a nightgown due to the current circumstances. It tightly wrapped around her voluptuous figure not leaving anything to the imagination. She was 5'11", fair-skinned with a commanding air about her.

A pair of arched eyebrows looked down on sweeping eyelashes. Where her bright green eyes would instil feelings of inadequacy in whoever locked onto them. Her delicate ears framed a button nose.

She wasn't looking at Chad though, but rather the hand wrapped around the head maid's waist.

"I put some measures in place to keep this space stable, did Gibby come back with everyone" Chad pretended not to notice.

"How could he? You practically locked him outside that dome the moment he left the palace. I had to warp the welp back." Ulyssa looked at Chad in exasperation.

"Oh no! Anyway, so what's all this then."

"How should I know, you made this space. If I were to hazard a guess it's probably your fault somehow," Ulyssa continued, "When I used spatial magic for Gibby earlier the structure failed outside the dome, space is almost broken out there."

"Thing is, it followed a pattern. It came in from the horizon towards the palace. If you messed up space in this realm, everything should collapse at the same time, not radially." Ulyssa kept droning on.

She was pacing back and forth around the table murmuring and coming up with all sorts of theories.

Chad on the other hand sat himself down and turned off his brain, he can deal with his wife no problem as long as he's on airplane mode.

"The tachyonic interference would suggest it is not a naturally formed phenomenon, and I'd agree if it weren't for the fact that nobody in this realm has higher authority in… wait, if we consider you are the absolute reference frame of this space then it could explain how the collapse started as far away from you as it had. YES! It wasn't telegraphed, it collapsed from a weak reference and picked up momentum as it made its way towards the apex of this realm where the laws are firmer."

"Alright Lysa will you pipe down love, I fixed it haven't I?" Chad had enough.

"You consider that fixed, all you did was cage us in." Ulyssa was annoyed by Chad's laissez-faire attitude.

"If my theory is right, and it is, the collapsing space doesn't have enough momentum to break through but that also means you can't remove the barrier… like ever."

"Imma be honest with you here, I haven't the faintest of what you just said for the past 5 minutes." Chad shrugged.

"You can't use the Thundercock any more…"

"FUCK!" Chad stood up in a panic.

The maid who was sitting next to him patted him on the back. "There there, you know you get heartburn when you get riled up."

Ulyssa looked at her and gave out a command. "Lydia, can you call over Gerifingr and Hrund, they should be with Gibby in the barracks."

"Right away mistress." The maid, Lydia, deferentially answered her and set off for the task at hand.

"What are we gonna do?" Chad looked at Ulyssa like a lost puppy.

"Haah… Well for now we have to calm down that raging spacial storm outside to bring the space to equilibrium, then you can remove the barrier, and we go on from there." Ulyssa sat back down next to Chad holding his hand to comfort him.

"I'll make it simple for you, your realm was made from another that you didn't own. It breaking down means either you or the original owner is interfering." She said.

"I didn't do squat!" Chad defended.

"Then…" Ulyssa pressed on.

"...The DM?" He asked after a pause.

"There's hope for you still…" She sighed in relief.

"That cheeky fucker, so how do we fix this?"

"Two options I can think of right now," She put up two fingers, "One option is to come to a deal with that moron and share ownership of this realm. That should balance things out straight away."

"Over my extremely handsome dead body!"

"That's right, so the only real option is to steal his lunch money." Ulyssa gave Chad an evil smirk.

******************************

"Erm are you sure this is safe?" Chad said, holding onto the shaft of the Thundercock.

He and Ulyssa relocated to the courtyard, with all the important figures of the palace surrounding him. Or rather they formed a circle a good 100 metres away from him.

He stood inside a golden circle with the Thundercock at its centre, Ulyssa was busy packing this circle with various glyphs, runes and symbols.

On either side of him, two 6'2" armour-clad women stood sentinel. Their stunning beauty worthy of the gods was second only to their thick indomitable aura which was enough to shatter bones.

Their appearance was the same, in their mid-30s, golden locks, soft facial features with defined cheekbones and a strong jawline. Sharp aquamarine eyes with a deadly pierce, able to stare straight through you.

Huge pairs of silver wings stood furled on their back, their full wingspan reaching 7.6m in length, about 4 times their height.

The only distinguishing feature between the two were their hairstyles. On Chad's right was Geirfingr who wore her hair in a long braid that reached her hips, and on his left was Hrund with a boyish pixie cut.

Although motionless, they would constantly cast glances towards Chad's back in wonder, infatuation and concern.

They were a small detachment of the Valkyries. Many in number, all sisters, they took the role of Chad's personal guard… and his wives.

Long story short, read 'Chad;Zero'.

"Alright, that's all she wrote." (pun intended) Ulyssa finished engraving the magical formula. She retreated outside the circle and looked at Chad.

"All on you from here on out, I shaved off a fraction of the Thundercock to power the teleportation, which means it will travel with you." She started explaining.

"However, remember that it will be depleted after the warp, so you won't be able to use it for a while. Also, because of the chaotic space, I can't accurately drop you."

"No worries, I'm sure it'll work out somehow." Chad brushed off the warning.

"Do you have everything you need?" Ulyssa asked whilst preparing to activate the magic circle.

"It's all in my pocket space," Chad reassured.

"...Uh-huh, well here goes nothing. Call home the moment you recharge." Ulyssa gave him a weird look.

Runes formed around Ulyssa's fingertips rapidly, then with loud ringing, they interlocked to form a wide matrix. She jotted down a couple of coordinates and routed the Thundercock's energy to feed the circle.

"It's ready, hold on tight." Before she could even finish her sentence the magic circle was already bursting with brilliant light.

Space around Chad and the two Valkyries began to crumple until a wide tear swallowed them up without any fanfare. In an instant, the people inside the circle were no more and the courtyard was left quiet.

"Mistress, If I may." The head maid Lydia looked over at Ulyssa who was deconstructing the spell.

"Go on."

"If my liege stored his supplies in the pocket space, how will he access them if his energy will be depleted after the jump?" Lydia asked.

"How indeed..." Ulyssa could not care less about Chad's stupidity. After all, he said it himself, It'll work out somehow.

******************************

In the middle of the East China Sea, a small fishing vessel was fighting against the tumultuous weather and crashing waves.

All hands on deck, the sailors were fighting to rig the ship and keep her stable in a sudden flash storm.

"There was nothing on the forecast about a storm. What the hell are those people doing?" One of the deckhands shouted over to a middle-aged man on the stern.

"Aye, they are rare, but they happen from time to time sonny. No'ting can be done 'bout it now, turn her 'round and sail straight into the storm," The captain pointed port, "With a bit o' luck we'll blow right past this."

"Right away." The deckhand left to relay the orders.

The ship changed course and charged towards the centre of the storm. It was faster to head towards a storm, especially if it comes towards you, as you can make it pass above you faster rather than try to outrun it.

There was only one problem this time. The captain was observing the entire time, but it was too late by the time he realised. The storm wasn't moving at all.

It was completely stationary, worse still, there was nothing like a calm eye of the storm. Lightning struck the sea surface constantly and a whirlpool 200 m across formed at the centre.

In all his years of sailing, he's never seen anything like this. Sailing is 20% expertise and 80% experience, so in sailing terms, right now he was quite fucked.

"Whirlpool! We'll ride it and slingshot past. Lower our speed to 5 knots." The captain barked.

"Sir our engine is burning out."

"So what, wanna row? Fucking keep going or we're done for."

The vessel powered through, sailing with the spin of the whirlpool. However, the storm wasn't doing them any favours.

Suddenly a wide bolt smashed the water surface and carried on to the sea bed. Violent tremors sprang forth decimating the whirlpool robbing it of all momentum and a 15-foot tall wave taking its place.

The ship was not spared, the shockwaves of the blast tore through the bow, capsizing the ship and flinging everyone overboard.

The crew swam up to the surface as best they could, grabbing what debris they could and gasping for breath. The captain, however, the first to surface, was staring at something in silence with a terrified look on his face.

Upon the backdrop of a devastating tsunami, a giant man clad in golden robes stood on the now eerily calm water surface. Streaks of lightning snaking their way across his body. Flanking him, two fully armoured angels.

[Transfer complete. Land zone deviation 78%. Energy reserves at 2%. Emergency Recovery initiated.]

"Eeep!"

Suddenly the golden man dropped through the water like a sack of bricks. The two angels at his side immediately panicked and caught one arm each, pulling him out with heavy flaps of their wings.

"Master, are you hurt?"

"Master, are you harmed?"

"No… but my robe's wet now. The hell was that. System, SITREP. System?" Chad was slightly annoyed with the whole situation, and now the system wasn't responding.

"Ah, mistress Ulyssa said that master is going to be drained after the warp," Hrund remembered. "Master, can you not use magic?"

"You think I'd be skinny-dipping if I could?" Chad sighed.

The surrounding storm was beginning to calm down, Chad could finally take in his surroundings properly. 'Nothing but water everywhere, oh and some crap floating about, a couple of people too…'

"..." Chad made eye contact with a man staring straight at him.

The situation was now suddenly awkward.

"H-hey neighbour, crazy weather we're havin' ey?" Chad smiled at the captain with a real shit-eating grin.

"Say… you wouldn't happen to know where the nearest land is, would you?"

The flabbergasted captain could not believe what was happening, his brain fully short-circuited. And in his confusion, he pointed to what he assumed to be east.

"Cheerio neighbourino!"

Chad glanced at the Valks for a moment, and they set off in the direction the captain pointed at.

The sailors were all left behind floating in the frigid cold water. Luckily for them, after the massive storm and earthquake, rescue vessels would be dispatched minutes later.

Sadly for the captain, however, nobody apart from him sighted the golden man. The encounter would be written off as shock-induced trauma.

******************************

After a couple of minutes of flying, the trio found a shoreline and landed.

"Master, we're here," Geirfingr reported the obvious and placed Chad down.

"Thanks, exposition 1," Chad replied in turn.

Hrund on the other hand, literally, did not let go of Chad. She was stuck to him like glue, much to Geirfingr's chagrin.

"Alrighty then, we have a mission but you girls haven't been briefed yet have you?" Chad asked, and both girls shook their heads.

"We are here to basically kidnap some people, but some ground rules first," Chad started listing off on his fingers. "Don't draw too much attention; Don't mess with the order of things; Don't reveal anything about Chadhalla; Don't destroy the world."

"Capiche?" The Valks bobbed their heads.

"A'ight, let's bounce… wait lemme change clothes first."

Chad left in a hurry at Ulyssa's urging, and the moron did not realise he was still wearing his dressing gown. Further still, it was soaking wet after his dip, and he couldn't use magic to dry off.

Chad raised his palm straight in the air and chopped downwards trying to open a tear in space, "Go web!"

And again, "Fly!"

And again, "Up up and away whip!"

… and again, "Shazam!"

… yup, "Go! Go! Go web go!"

Remember a couple of paragraphs up, that whole no magic thing? Because he surely doesn't.

"M-master, you can't use magic yet." Geirfingr reminded.

"Wait wait wait - that's kinda fucking disastrous ain't it? All our gear is in there!" Chad turned around to look at the two Valkyries, who in turn were giving him a strange look.

"Like, all our food, clothes, weapons, FUCK MY COMBS!" Chad kneeled on the ground, he was having a bad day.

"There there~" Hrund patted his back, comforting her master.

"We gotta go to a place rich in energy, shorten the cooldown on the Thundercock otherwise this mission's bust, Geirfingr fly up and zero in on a place with a dense BDE."

Geirfingr smacked her breastplate with her fist and took off to the skies in an instant.

"But we gotta get by until the cooldown ends anyhow, so what now." Chad sat on his ass and started pondering.

Hrund sat next to him and suggested, "Couldn't we just get a job?"

Chad slowly turned to her.

Hrund froze up on the spot, he was the supreme ruler of Chadhalla, how could she suggest doing the work of a peasant.

"Master! I meant me and Geir, not you master!" She panicked.

Chad raised a palm to stop her.

"The fuck's a job?"

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