bardock arrives too late to save vegeta fanfic

Grammar is good. One of the few fanfics that don't have the MC become OP right off the bat, and thereby removing all suspense from the novel. Unfortunately, much of the story is made of exposition. Ex: Vegeta wished for Bardock to come back to life, and he appeared on the planet That's the typical thing you can find in the story, versus: Ex: Vegeta voiced his wish, and as the dragon Porunga roared, motes of light slowly gathered together forming first a cell, and then bone, before being wrapped in blood and flesh. Bardock had been reborn. So the first example just tells us what happens, i.e. exposition. The 2nd example shows us in a vivid, descriptive manner a scene which forms in front of our eyes. This is the stuff that's found in great books.

I can't stand this mental retardation, it's too poisonous. It's too late for this poison tester (ch 25), save yourselves.

I demand more chapters, there has never been a king vegeta fanfic. chapters Please release I demand more chapters, there has never been a king vegeta fanfic. chapters Please release more

Lol princess vegeta? isn't that going a little bit too far? I mean unless you completely change his apppearanc- let me stop I'm being a hypocrite because mystory has Naruko in it. This is extremely original, I had only seen one other fanfic in history with a female vegeta story, that was a neglected fanfic crossover with Naruto. I haven't read it yet but your story just by the table of contents alone. makes me interested, People as you know this is a gender gender story Of VEGETA, you don't like it .just warning you now this is not for You. Can't wait to see where this story leads.

The story itself is really good. The problem is that the author can't keep their facts straight. You'll have a character introduced and then 3 chapters later that same character is suddenly called something entirely different. Even in the same paragraph I once saw the author call her Ayaka, then call her Ayame, then right back to Ayaka again... all the while calling her a 'he'. Later they go to planet Vegeta, even though the planet had been destroyed 30 years earlier. The author seemed to have the word "Vegeta" drilled into their head because he also started calling Bardock Vegeta as well. This story also suffers from the same thing most stories on this site do. For some reason authors here can't get the whole gender thing figured out, calling women "he/him". All in all, reading this story is like reading the memoirs of an Alzheimer's patient.