Grammar is good. One of the few fanfics that don't have the MC become OP right off the bat, and thereby removing all suspense from the novel. Unfortunately, much of the story is made of exposition. Ex: Vegeta wished for Bardock to come back to life, and he appeared on the planet That's the typical thing you can find in the story, versus: Ex: Vegeta voiced his wish, and as the dragon Porunga roared, motes of light slowly gathered together forming first a cell, and then bone, before being wrapped in blood and flesh. Bardock had been reborn. So the first example just tells us what happens, i.e. exposition. The 2nd example shows us in a vivid, descriptive manner a scene which forms in front of our eyes. This is the stuff that's found in great books.
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