Plot Armor Agency
Alright, listen up, you ungrateful peasant readers. Yeah, you, sitting there, thinking you know better than me about my story. Just because I threw in a little—just a little—plot armor, everyone loses their minds. Like, come on, you dumbshit! It's my novel. If I want my characters to survive an apocalypse by tripping over a conveniently placed banana peel, then so be it. Go ahead, call it lazy writing. Call it bullshit. But I know you love it. You can’t get enough of my endless, godlike creativity. And don’t you dare pretend otherwise.
I’ve been awake for weeks, writing this masterpiece with nothing but Red Bull and hate fueling me, and what do I get in return? Comments. Hundreds of them. "This is so unrealistic!" "Why does the hero survive a nuclear blast with just a paperclip and sheer willpower?" And my personal favorite: "Did a monkey write this?" You know what? Maybe a monkey did—a genius monkey with a taste for the absurd. So keep throwing your trash opinions at me. I live for it.
And then… this one weird comment pops up, standing out like a turd in a punchbowl. It says, “Wanna change the storyline of billions of novels with your plot armor?” At first, I think, "Great, another joker." But there’s something different about this one. It's like it's taunting me, daring me to click. It sends a shiver down my spine—or maybe that’s just the caffeine overdose talking.
But whatever. I’m intrigued. So I click. And, holy hell, my computer screen goes haywire, flashing like a rave in a mental asylum. A shadowy figure appears, all mysterious and ominous, like it's ripped straight out of one of my more “experimental” chapters. And before I can blink, it says, “Welcome to the Plot Armor Agency. Your services are required. Your task: Rewrite reality.”
Now, I’m not saying I’m on some kind of delusional bender here, but either this is the best prank ever, or I just got recruited by some cosmic power to rewrite the fate of all fictional worlds with my impeccable taste in plot armor. Guess what? Things are about to get spicy. And no one—not the haters, the trolls, or even the gods of storytelling—will be safe.
Hold onto your butts, people. I'm coming for your favorite characters, and no one's making it out unscathed.
"I will be posting this story on RoyalRoad.com,"
HandsomeKimDokja · Fantasy