I’ve only read up to chapter 3 as of the moment of making this review Below are just some of the reasons of why i think this fic is bad and its only from the first 2 chapters Sudden 18 year time skip with no transition Human mom suddenly developing a disease unique to devils How could his human mom know his real parents were looking for him if she doesn’t know who they are Human mom hasn’t been given a name yet The way Mc acquired Ano’s power is dumb, due to said reason Ano’s soul was injured leading to the mc personality being the dominant one Mc also thinks it’s weird and doesn’t think it was by chance and feels anos somehow bonded with him?? Mc says he has almost everything anos has but then states he only has memories of his magic cause most of anos memories are destroyed except for the ones about magic Rapid pov switching with no warning or transition Mc’s inconsistent knowledge of the supernatural Inconsistent narration Mc inconsistent about weather he wants a relationship or not and why he’s even wants to date Rias even though he’s shown literally no interest in wanting to date her Mc is supposedly handsome but we have no clue or indication of what he looks like MC’s appearance changed when he “woke up in this body” but has no idea what he looked like before so him knowing his appearance changed doesn’t make sense and it is a completely stupid statement with no reason to exist Somehow infers that Aika has the unique power to tell the size of a guy’s manhood just because she was shocked when she saw him and looked at his lower body Somehow infers that Issei has the boosted gear because of his dragon aura and his character Rias fell in love with the mc at first sight Mc can’t cure his mom’s mystery disease cause somehow even with Ano’s power he just can’t I could go on about chapter 3 but this shit ain’t worth the effort of explaining why its bad in meticulous detail
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ironically, Aika has the unique power to tell the size of a guy’s manhood by just looking at their pants, otherwise i agree with what you said
I’m not saying she doesn’t but the mc has no way of knowing that and just states that he knows based off that 1 interaction they had.
Sir_Squirrle:ironically, Aika has the unique power to tell the size of a guy’s manhood by just looking at their pants, otherwise i agree with what you said
Thanks for the save, comrade
1. The sudden 18-year time skip was something I did picturing those movies where it starts off with the MC as a child while suddenly flashing forward to the present moment. I will go back to add the time skip over that. 2. The Human mom getting a disease only the devil could get was explained later in the story. 3. The human mom doesn't know if it's his real parents or not, she trusts MC could find his parents if he wants. What's the best way then go to the people who were hunting him? She knows how strong MC is. 4. The human mom wasn't given a name because her name was going to spill the beans on her daughter. I had a whole plot around it, which I threw away. 5. MC doesn't truly know how he got Anos' power, he was just guessing. The fact Anos could come back to life even after his concept is destroyed was a hint. For if Anos's soul was that damaged, Anos would just heal like nothing happened. 6. The whole thing about Anos bonding with him was MC trying to make sense of things. As you said, how is it that his normal soul could be the dominant personality? 7. What MC has from Anos, will be explained later in the story. For now, he only has MC experience and abilities. 8. The rapid POV switching without warning was because I didn't think I needed to explain it with how I started the sentences and all, but I did start looking out for that later down the story. 9. I don't understand the inconsistent narration, if you can explain I would be grateful. 10. MC is inconsistent about whether he wants a relationship or not... the moment he saw Rias he said he had a weak spot for redheads. He was against having a girlfriend or wife because he saw it as chains, but if he saw someone who made him feel like it was worth it to put those chains on, then why would he resist? The main reason he dated Rias will be further explained in the story. 11. I didn't think I needed to explain what MC looks like... I thought it was clear he looked like Anos. 12. As for Mc knowing he looked different after taking over the body, it was to show that 'Anos Soul' had a huge impact on the development of the body. It was also to show that even if his parents were to find him, they wouldn't know it was him. 13. Aika can measure the manhood of others by simply looking at them. If you know you're carrying around a monster, someone is looking at your manhood through your pants with a shocked look... shock so great their glasses exploded... I thought that was easy to guess. 14. Reading people's characters was something MC has shown doing from the start, how many dragon-type sacred gear are out there? Was Issei the type of person to have divine dividing? 15. Rias and MC fell in love at first sight, it wasn't a one-way thing. There is a real-world reason why this happens, 16. His mother's disease is explained later in the story. Most of the things you have problems with were the foundation I was placing for later down the story. Then again, I do forget, change my mind, or throw away most stuff I plan. But thanks for the honest review
thank you for the explanation
itachi1010:1. The sudden 18-year time skip was something I did picturing those movies where it starts off with the MC as a child while suddenly flashing forward to the present moment. I will go back to add the time skip over that. 2. The Human mom getting a disease only the devil could get was explained later in the story. 3. The human mom doesn't know if it's his real parents or not, she trusts MC could find his parents if he wants. What's the best way then go to the people who were hunting him? She knows how strong MC is. 4. The human mom wasn't given a name because her name was going to spill the beans on her daughter. I had a whole plot around it, which I threw away. 5. MC doesn't truly know how he got Anos' power, he was just guessing. The fact Anos could come back to life even after his concept is destroyed was a hint. For if Anos's soul was that damaged, Anos would just heal like nothing happened. 6. The whole thing about Anos bonding with him was MC trying to make sense of things. As you said, how is it that his normal soul could be the dominant personality? 7. What MC has from Anos, will be explained later in the story. For now, he only has MC experience and abilities. 8. The rapid POV switching without warning was because I didn't think I needed to explain it with how I started the sentences and all, but I did start looking out for that later down the story. 9. I don't understand the inconsistent narration, if you can explain I would be grateful. 10. MC is inconsistent about whether he wants a relationship or not... the moment he saw Rias he said he had a weak spot for redheads. He was against having a girlfriend or wife because he saw it as chains, but if he saw someone who made him feel like it was worth it to put those chains on, then why would he resist? The main reason he dated Rias will be further explained in the story. 11. I didn't think I needed to explain what MC looks like... I thought it was clear he looked like Anos. 12. As for Mc knowing he looked different after taking over the body, it was to show that 'Anos Soul' had a huge impact on the development of the body. It was also to show that even if his parents were to find him, they wouldn't know it was him. 13. Aika can measure the manhood of others by simply looking at them. If you know you're carrying around a monster, someone is looking at your manhood through your pants with a shocked look... shock so great their glasses exploded... I thought that was easy to guess. 14. Reading people's characters was something MC has shown doing from the start, how many dragon-type sacred gear are out there? Was Issei the type of person to have divine dividing? 15. Rias and MC fell in love at first sight, it wasn't a one-way thing. There is a real-world reason why this happens, 16. His mother's disease is explained later in the story. Most of the things you have problems with were the foundation I was placing for later down the story. Then again, I do forget, change my mind, or throw away most stuff I plan. But thanks for the honest review
1. The 18 year time skip is fine in its self. The execution of it is bad, it’s literally the next paragraph without any warning or transition which adds to making the reading experience confusing. A simple [18 years later] would have done a lot to help. 2. The mom’s disease should’ve been left a mystery to us since the mc has Ano’s powers and can’t cure it. It would’ve been more believable if us as readers if we’re just as clueless as the protagonist. 3. His human mom encouraging him to seek his real parents is fine. it’s the statement she made of them looking for him that is the issue, how would she know they were looking for him if she doesn’t know who they are. 4. I pointed out the human mom not having a name cause it dehumanizes her to us the reader and with a lack of any meaningful understanding of her and her relationship with her son (mc), it’s hard to care for her as a character. Which I know you have added more scenes with her in chapter 3 which helps said issue. 5. The mc’s explanation of how he got Anos power doesn’t come across as him guessing and his recounting of it made it dumb. Like why did Anos destroy his verse? was he fighting someone strong enough to push him to destroy everything? since he was ambushed was it multiple opponents? But the mc’s statement of it was literally “This man was so powerful, that he destroyed his verse, that destruction was so great that he was destroyed as well” sounds like a more worded out version of “he was so strong he killed himself by existing”. 6. My statement of the reason for the mc’s personality being dominant was just a statement of fact cause I felt like the explanation of the mc acquiring Anos power made that statement also dumb. As for the mc stating that he felt like everything wasn’t a coincidence and Anos bonded with him, I brought this up with ?? To highlight my confusion as I wasn’t sure if he was referring to him fusing with the mc or Anos choosing to fuse with mc cause of some bond 7. Thanks for the clarification the mc’s statement of what powers he had left me confused 8. Glad to hear you improved on this aspect as some of the sentences left me confused 9. sentences like (“Yes, my family owns the school,” Rias said, quickly realizing I didn’t know much about the supernatural world.) was it just Rias pov and thought or the mc’s cause if it was the mc’s pov then how did he know she was referring to any supernatural if he didn’t know she was involved in anything supernatural. 10. The mc expressed he was attracted to Rias but he never acted on it and was completely passive and monotone in his interactions with Rias so him suddenly stating he felt something more when with Rias was confusing cause he has stated his disinterest in commitment and only expressed his attraction to her. 11. I also assumed he looked like Anos but I was just highlighting that statement cause it brought more confusion 12. Again more confusion as he shouldn’t know he changed. How can you recognize the change if he never knew what he looked like before and it also brings up the question of when did he “wake up in this body” to recognize the change. I don’t see the point in the statement if it’s only to have his birth parents not recognize him since he was literally not even 1 the last time that saw him. 13. I know she has that power but the mc figuring out that power from 1 interaction with no prior knowledge is just confusing for no reason as you could have explained it by someone highlighting it later since aika is very vocal about said ability or her saying so to the mc. It’s easy for us to guess cause of our pov and prior knowledge but that shouldn’t be the case for the mc. 14. There are 5 dragon aura sacred gears to my knowledge ( twice critical/ divine dividing/ boosted gear/ prison dragon/ downfall dragon spear) and mind you dxd lore and sacred list is still being expanded upon. Again it’s the mc pointing out stuff he shouldn’t know or has no way of knowing if he’s correct but just makes correct guess about stuff randomly and we as readers have no way of knowing what he does or doesn’t know since he doesn’t know about the noble devil houses but knows about sacred gears. 15. There is no such thing as love at first sight it just something we as humans made up to romanticize the idea of soul mates and it makes their relationship shallow and less believable. 16. You already said so in 2 Thanks you for replying to my review it clarified a lot me. I hope you continue to improve.
itachi1010:1. The sudden 18-year time skip was something I did picturing those movies where it starts off with the MC as a child while suddenly flashing forward to the present moment. I will go back to add the time skip over that. 2. The Human mom getting a disease only the devil could get was explained later in the story. 3. The human mom doesn't know if it's his real parents or not, she trusts MC could find his parents if he wants. What's the best way then go to the people who were hunting him? She knows how strong MC is. 4. The human mom wasn't given a name because her name was going to spill the beans on her daughter. I had a whole plot around it, which I threw away. 5. MC doesn't truly know how he got Anos' power, he was just guessing. The fact Anos could come back to life even after his concept is destroyed was a hint. For if Anos's soul was that damaged, Anos would just heal like nothing happened. 6. The whole thing about Anos bonding with him was MC trying to make sense of things. As you said, how is it that his normal soul could be the dominant personality? 7. What MC has from Anos, will be explained later in the story. For now, he only has MC experience and abilities. 8. The rapid POV switching without warning was because I didn't think I needed to explain it with how I started the sentences and all, but I did start looking out for that later down the story. 9. I don't understand the inconsistent narration, if you can explain I would be grateful. 10. MC is inconsistent about whether he wants a relationship or not... the moment he saw Rias he said he had a weak spot for redheads. He was against having a girlfriend or wife because he saw it as chains, but if he saw someone who made him feel like it was worth it to put those chains on, then why would he resist? The main reason he dated Rias will be further explained in the story. 11. I didn't think I needed to explain what MC looks like... I thought it was clear he looked like Anos. 12. As for Mc knowing he looked different after taking over the body, it was to show that 'Anos Soul' had a huge impact on the development of the body. It was also to show that even if his parents were to find him, they wouldn't know it was him. 13. Aika can measure the manhood of others by simply looking at them. If you know you're carrying around a monster, someone is looking at your manhood through your pants with a shocked look... shock so great their glasses exploded... I thought that was easy to guess. 14. Reading people's characters was something MC has shown doing from the start, how many dragon-type sacred gear are out there? Was Issei the type of person to have divine dividing? 15. Rias and MC fell in love at first sight, it wasn't a one-way thing. There is a real-world reason why this happens, 16. His mother's disease is explained later in the story. Most of the things you have problems with were the foundation I was placing for later down the story. Then again, I do forget, change my mind, or throw away most stuff I plan. But thanks for the honest review
I think readers expect a proper explanation if a being that can warp reality is not able to cure it.
itachi1010:1. The sudden 18-year time skip was something I did picturing those movies where it starts off with the MC as a child while suddenly flashing forward to the present moment. I will go back to add the time skip over that. 2. The Human mom getting a disease only the devil could get was explained later in the story. 3. The human mom doesn't know if it's his real parents or not, she trusts MC could find his parents if he wants. What's the best way then go to the people who were hunting him? She knows how strong MC is. 4. The human mom wasn't given a name because her name was going to spill the beans on her daughter. I had a whole plot around it, which I threw away. 5. MC doesn't truly know how he got Anos' power, he was just guessing. The fact Anos could come back to life even after his concept is destroyed was a hint. For if Anos's soul was that damaged, Anos would just heal like nothing happened. 6. The whole thing about Anos bonding with him was MC trying to make sense of things. As you said, how is it that his normal soul could be the dominant personality? 7. What MC has from Anos, will be explained later in the story. For now, he only has MC experience and abilities. 8. The rapid POV switching without warning was because I didn't think I needed to explain it with how I started the sentences and all, but I did start looking out for that later down the story. 9. I don't understand the inconsistent narration, if you can explain I would be grateful. 10. MC is inconsistent about whether he wants a relationship or not... the moment he saw Rias he said he had a weak spot for redheads. He was against having a girlfriend or wife because he saw it as chains, but if he saw someone who made him feel like it was worth it to put those chains on, then why would he resist? The main reason he dated Rias will be further explained in the story. 11. I didn't think I needed to explain what MC looks like... I thought it was clear he looked like Anos. 12. As for Mc knowing he looked different after taking over the body, it was to show that 'Anos Soul' had a huge impact on the development of the body. It was also to show that even if his parents were to find him, they wouldn't know it was him. 13. Aika can measure the manhood of others by simply looking at them. If you know you're carrying around a monster, someone is looking at your manhood through your pants with a shocked look... shock so great their glasses exploded... I thought that was easy to guess. 14. Reading people's characters was something MC has shown doing from the start, how many dragon-type sacred gear are out there? Was Issei the type of person to have divine dividing? 15. Rias and MC fell in love at first sight, it wasn't a one-way thing. There is a real-world reason why this happens, 16. His mother's disease is explained later in the story. Most of the things you have problems with were the foundation I was placing for later down the story. Then again, I do forget, change my mind, or throw away most stuff I plan. But thanks for the honest review
If you need to write all this in a review and not have the ability to write in a cohesive and well out way that doesn’t need the author writing down after hand then you simply need to work on your writing ability. There’s alot of things wrong with this story and I’m sure you’ll get there one day.
itachi1010:1. The sudden 18-year time skip was something I did picturing those movies where it starts off with the MC as a child while suddenly flashing forward to the present moment. I will go back to add the time skip over that. 2. The Human mom getting a disease only the devil could get was explained later in the story. 3. The human mom doesn't know if it's his real parents or not, she trusts MC could find his parents if he wants. What's the best way then go to the people who were hunting him? She knows how strong MC is. 4. The human mom wasn't given a name because her name was going to spill the beans on her daughter. I had a whole plot around it, which I threw away. 5. MC doesn't truly know how he got Anos' power, he was just guessing. The fact Anos could come back to life even after his concept is destroyed was a hint. For if Anos's soul was that damaged, Anos would just heal like nothing happened. 6. The whole thing about Anos bonding with him was MC trying to make sense of things. As you said, how is it that his normal soul could be the dominant personality? 7. What MC has from Anos, will be explained later in the story. For now, he only has MC experience and abilities. 8. The rapid POV switching without warning was because I didn't think I needed to explain it with how I started the sentences and all, but I did start looking out for that later down the story. 9. I don't understand the inconsistent narration, if you can explain I would be grateful. 10. MC is inconsistent about whether he wants a relationship or not... the moment he saw Rias he said he had a weak spot for redheads. He was against having a girlfriend or wife because he saw it as chains, but if he saw someone who made him feel like it was worth it to put those chains on, then why would he resist? The main reason he dated Rias will be further explained in the story. 11. I didn't think I needed to explain what MC looks like... I thought it was clear he looked like Anos. 12. As for Mc knowing he looked different after taking over the body, it was to show that 'Anos Soul' had a huge impact on the development of the body. It was also to show that even if his parents were to find him, they wouldn't know it was him. 13. Aika can measure the manhood of others by simply looking at them. If you know you're carrying around a monster, someone is looking at your manhood through your pants with a shocked look... shock so great their glasses exploded... I thought that was easy to guess. 14. Reading people's characters was something MC has shown doing from the start, how many dragon-type sacred gear are out there? Was Issei the type of person to have divine dividing? 15. Rias and MC fell in love at first sight, it wasn't a one-way thing. There is a real-world reason why this happens, 16. His mother's disease is explained later in the story. Most of the things you have problems with were the foundation I was placing for later down the story. Then again, I do forget, change my mind, or throw away most stuff I plan. But thanks for the honest review
