The Story is great and the premise is really promising with the fantasy world, but its just too much information... Every chapter talks about some new random pov character from a different country on a differenct continent and a different race... We have no idea as a reader how the power dynamic is in the world (except that the demons lost some war and are the least advanced species), like how is magic working, which countries are neighbouring which, which is the most powerful country and race etc... the story opens 2 new questions each chapter without explaining anything. Like for example MCs father is the "demon king of hell", later he is described as a king of a weak country....is "hell" just the countrys name, but why would people than say phrases like "for hells sake" and then we also get to know that all countries have mixed races in them, which would contradict the whole "king of demons" thing -> he is just the king of his country and subjects, not a whole race. Atleast make some sort of auxiliary chapter regarding world background when you basically create an original novel, bc you dont have the privilege of a classic fanfic in that regard. Another tip would be to keep it small and simple: not many races, only a few counties, an easily explained magic system and uncomplicated political relations of races and countries, like that you can fit it in 1 chapter and you are good to go for the rest of the novel + the world background doesnt have to be big and complicazed for a good novel, the characters and story are alot more important, just look at popular moviesn anime etc. And also please dont do that many POVs of random characters that were never introduced. Some are fine like that producer wanting to get the rights to MCs movie, but the rest can just be put on existing characters that play a part in the story and you get to flies with one stone: you can showcase the reaction to the movie + flesh out the character so we understand its motives etc. IF you have to add a random character for a reacrion, just call them "unnamed or random guy 1/2/3" like that we as readers know that the charactee wont be important and we dont have to focus on remembering the name and building profile of it in our brain and can focus understansing and remembering the important parts of the scene. Hope you take my criticism to heart <3 and sry for the lenght.
Liked by 13 people
LIKEtwo flies*
