Despite the idea being great, The writing needs a lot of improvement grammar wise, especially the descriptive language that's being used. Big shots like Big mom, garling, Rocks or whoever shouldn't be stunned and shocked at every little action that happens, no matter how small it is. For dialogue I would recommend going back to one piece and analyzing how characters actually talk because as of right now they behave like OC's. This is by far the hardest part of writing one piece fanfics. On the otherside I do commend you for sticking to a consistent upload schedule and appreciate the use of correct punctuation for the most part. And I do have one small suggestion that might sound silly: I don't think the mc name 'carl' fits one piece at all. So maybe something like 'Carlos' might? Or maybe give him a nickname to not ruin immersion. Please don't be discouraged by my review and keep writing
Liked by 33 people
LIKE
its a translation buddy
Or Cavo could be a good name change sounds better then Carl
Yeah just realized that, my bad lmao. My points about the writing still stand tho
True.
Lol. They aint so much of a big shot as you think they are. They just got out of influence of ROCK. They are just more experienced ACE in a way. Dont forget the timeline. Ofcourse, they will more experienced 30 - 40years later.
