This is very good, excited for more. the only thing I think could be different is the whole first person and just use normal third-person pronouns.
Liked by 11 people
LIKEI haven't read it yet, but this is my general opinion about books and pov: I don't care, but keep thoughts and narration with a clear difference. For example: This is narrative 'This is first pov thoughts' "This is dialogue between characters" Character name: This is another way to difference characters. I will start reading the book. :)