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Patrick_hell123
Patrick_hell123Lv151yr
2024-01-23 04:26

I like your story it's very interesting to listen to

Liked by 2 people

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Replies1
Alex_Simmonds
Alex_SimmondsAuthor

Thanks!

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I have mixed feelings about the character and the narrative structure. The protagonist often comes across as overly reliant on the system granted to her, which diminishes her independence and personal growth. Her lack of initiative in boosting her intelligence and delving deeper into sciences or other areas of knowledge is a bit disappointing. This over-reliance on the system doesn't allow her character to fully explore her potential or develop self-reliance, which could have added more depth to her journey. Moreover, there's a notable lack of clarity regarding the entity that bestowed her powers. Understanding the entity's motives and the broader implications of these powers would add a much-needed layer of intrigue and complexity to the story. The origins and goals of this entity remain a mystery, which can be intriguing but also a bit frustrating from a narrative perspective. I would suggest an interesting plot development where the system develops its own separate entity, potentially even being removed from the protagonist's body. This could open up avenues for exploring themes like the consequences of power and the moral dilemmas of using such abilities. It could also lead to a deeper understanding of the 'Reality Bender' concept, perhaps hinting at the entity's enjoyment in manipulating or even destroying realities. Such a development could be an excellent opportunity for foreshadowing and adding a rich layer of suspense and complexity to the story. anyways i still enjoy this story.

Leon_Joseph
Leon_JosephLv1
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A man from an Earth gets the choice to start over in any Universe and chooses an Alternate Pokemon Universe. Let us see if his journey to the top is succesful and the impact he will have on his new world. Pokemon is owned by Nintendo, Game Freak and Creatures Inc. I just use their sandbox for the plot of my MC and my OCs. This will be a "slow" paced story, in fact it's "super slow paced", so please don't expect the MC to directly start his journey in 20 chapters or so, actually multiply that by like 15. A lot is going to happen before that happens. The first 10-20 chapters or so are information heavy, depending on what kind of reader you are. I try to keep my chapter length between 2000 and 3000 words per chapter. My release rate is 4 chapter/week for now. I have a patre*n for those that want to support me with access to some advance chapters as a thank you. patre*n.com/Azrail93 This is an alternate pokemon universe so there will be differences to the games, manga and anime. So if something in the story is different it is most likely on purpose. The original sources are seen as suggestions not laws. Differences can be: Type variants, evolution conditions, strength mechanics, world building and more. If I am at some point asking for reader input I will do so but otherwise I will ignore most suggestions. So please don't spam things like catch this pokemon or do that next. I have my plot planned and external input will be considered when asked for. If I see a suggestion that I believe fit my plot flow I will use it and will credit the commentor. Comments on spelling and grammar mistakes are welcome. I will try to correct said mistakes with time. Constructive criticism will be read and considered. Insult and hate comments will be ignored or deleted depending on severity. Readers naturally can comment their dislike but one worders will be ignored. If the reason for the dislike is explained I will read it. Like previously mentioned pure insults and hate comments will be ignored or deleted. The same is true for simple hate reviews or insulting ones. Reviews complaining about something I warned about, such as the slow pace, will be deleted as well.

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865 Chs