Review Detail of GodOfLight in Naruto The Shadow King (Dropped)

Definitely needs an editor. it's hard to read when every sentence has an error or two, it really breaks you out of the immersion. I think the idea is cool, but very poorly executed. it reads like a synopsis, which is disappointing. The characters are pretty poorly written, most acting very out of character or not developed in the slightest. Given a quick info dump on who they are, isn't development. You might as well slap an OC in there, call her ino, and have her say nothing but exposition, and it would still be a more developed character than what you've got.