anubis1650Lv51yr

2023-06-02 16:50

ch6 Review 06/02/2023 I'm going to start off saying that there's just too much of an info dump. It's just too unwieldy and makes it a complete and utter chore to understand where you are in the world with your characters and The Changed History. I feel it could have been simplified a lot more without going so far into it making the whole process unpleasant instead of something you want to read to find out about the story. all the writing so far I think was good but I think the introduction of the Dragons was too much because it normally is. Daenerys got away with it mostly because she didn't have much else no education no special powers besides fire immunity in a world where very few people use fire as a weapon had very little control of the Dragons plus no support system besides the one she very Loosely collected. I firmly believe that anytime you want to introduce an MC with dragons in Asoiaf/Got you really can only give the MC a Eragon type background he has the dragon and not much else because they're just so overpowered in that world anything more usually leads to ridiculous power levels which is a story killer in my opinion. My recommendation would be remove the dragons and to be honest just create a new house to insert it. You made too much work I believe to fit house mudd into the history with all those changes which is led to those huge info dumps. you can give an easy loose history of the house and be done with it. Since you're using web novel you might want to get a Asoiaf map use a paint program to show where any houses or places you're adding and put it in the comments(a picture is worth a 1000 words). Don't get me wrong I like the story so don't take any of this as discouragement just trying to hopefully help you refine the story a bit more

ASOIAF: Lord of Nature

FitzMagna

3.7

70 Chs