Review Detail of EvilBlueCrystal in Naruto The Untouchable (Completed)
Review detail
It's clear that noone cares about consistency or logic, just throw random elements together and hope it sticks. Well, it doesn't! First off, the protagonist's abilities with Chakra are suddenly converted into Ki for dumb reason, But hold on, there's no Ki in this world! So why would it be converted from Chakra into Ki? The protagonist is left without any Chakra, rendering him incapable of using any jutsu. Good, You've successfully crippled the very foundation of the story. The protagonist is apparently all-powerful with zero explanation or backstory, and can deal with anything and anyone right from the start. And speaking of explanations, forget about getting any, The jutsu, physical training, and interactions between the team are all conveniently skipped. Coherent storytelling is not important when you can just jump from one random event to another without any rhyme or reason, The protagonist joins a team with no clear goal or purpose, to gain absolutely nothing from it, The other characters might as well be cardboard because their reactions and inner thoughts are completely ignored. The chapter 7 and 8, where The entire mission is skipped over, so that the protagonist can magically pull some super op skill out of thin air and save the day. The protagonist can use these overpowered techniques, But even the Hokage, who's a master of all jutsu, doesn't care. And just when you think it can't get any more dumb, the author introduces skills like 'rasengan kahehameha'. No training, no progression, no details, just the MC saving the day by stumbling upon one super op skill after another with incomplete explanations.
Naruto The Untouchable (Completed)
kamidemond
Liked by 61 people
LIKEReplies14
welp there is nothing good to say imo... characters act wierd and not like they are supposed to, no power system that make sense (jiraya being super kage... fr... ) no Story? unless u memorised most of naruto story it wont make sense as author skip things(he didnt even say that haku took zakuza if not Wrong... means if u dont know it u will get hella confused later on etc.), butterfly effect... ever heard about that - doubt that gaara whould become kage, aside from some grammer errors(doesnt matter that much) author sometimes dont finnish sentence... and he does that a lot
Cat_Tip:Don’t even trust his judgment he takes the fanfic and compares it to a professionaly made novel he reviews everything and always has nothing good to say even on fanfics I love.
You don't need to be a professional writer to write a name. I got frustrated with this when not once did he spell the One tail's name. It was always Shikaku and Shikamaru. And some interactions I had to read twice or more just to understand that it was One tail and not Shikamaru that suddenly snapped...
Overkill:it is a fanfic... the one who write it are normal dude that just want to get their what if out... they are not professional writer that get paid to spend days to come up with plots, and stuff
Unless mc is a human from pre-Sage of Six Paths era Shinobi world, it’s impossible for him to not have any chakra. Because of Hagoromo’s actions, every living thing has chakra. if your going to write a ff, at least pay attention to the lore.
LordAinzSama:No Chakra should also have him immune to any kind of genjutsu
if you put it on the Internet, you should expect it to be reviewed, if it's good then great if it's bad you should be told why it's bad and how you should improve
Overkill:it is a fanfic... the one who write it are normal dude that just want to get their what if out... they are not professional writer that get paid to spend days to come up with plots, and stuff
it's called different tastes, but honestly, look at how many people are agreeing and how many are agreeing with the review that should tell u what u need to know. and it is brutal but it should be something that if the author wants to improve should listen to if he's just doing it for fun fair enough but if not and he wants to write a good story ideally he should
Cat_Tip:Don’t even trust his judgment he takes the fanfic and compares it to a professionaly made novel he reviews everything and always has nothing good to say even on fanfics I love.
no, it's not the same ki is energy inside u, but it's not life-force. u get exhausted from using too much ki but die from too much chakra. Chakra is life-force, but ki is closer to Stamina given a physical body otherwise everytime they went past their limits in dbz, they would immediately die.
Andrew_Bonds:basically in dbz ki is lifeforce same as chackra in naruto. if someone uses a jutsu and they don't have enough chackra there dead in this novel ki is more dense than chackra but if used up ki can still keep u alive because ki regenerates more thick key
He made a good point u don't think about anything u just put what u feel makes the mc look the coolest because u feel like it's the embodiment of what you wish u could be and you want to make it more op than anything else. For example, at the very beginning, u gave him a system that would give him something once every year. You know what you expect seeing that? gradual progression. what did we get? literal chapter 1 timeskip before we even know anything past the most basics about this character cause u just skip over parts u think are too hard to write.
kamidemond:hmm okayimage