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CORINTHIANS1910
CORINTHIANS1910Lv52yr
2022-12-29 10:32

First of all, what? The fic is very confusing and adding a fast-paced style to it without experience just makes it more confusing, I honestly couldn't follow the story. The characters are honestly bland, not bc they lack personality but bc there isn't any justification as to why they act as they act they just do and that's all To add a cherry on top the grammar isn't great and just adds up to this confusing story

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Replies4
SnowApathie
SnowApathieAuthor

thanks for the review, do you have any tips to make the story less confusing and slower?

CORINTHIANS1910
CORINTHIANS1910Lv5

Hmm I would definitely say you should try improving your grammar, though I can't say too much about it bc Idk how I can help u, I can just recommend grammarly, and to make the story slower try adding more background to the characters and adding more interactions that should kinda explain what's happening, you could too add some slice-of-life to make the story even slower but this one is up to u (though sometimes it's good to have some)

SnowApathie:thanks for the review, do you have any tips to make the story less confusing and slower?
SnowApathie
SnowApathieAuthor

ok thanks as for grammarly i have it but currently (since about 5 chapters i think) I can't use my laptop and grammarly on phone is not that great.

CORINTHIANS1910:Hmm I would definitely say you should try improving your grammar, though I can't say too much about it bc Idk how I can help u, I can just recommend grammarly, and to make the story slower try adding more background to the characters and adding more interactions that should kinda explain what's happening, you could too add some slice-of-life to make the story even slower but this one is up to u (though sometimes it's good to have some)
CORINTHIANS1910
CORINTHIANS1910Lv5

No prob, the fact that you are trying to improve upon criticism is addimirable not a lot of ppl have what it takes for it, I would like to see what your writing will become since you are trying to improve, have a good day [img=recommend]

SnowApathie:ok thanks as for grammarly i have it but currently (since about 5 chapters i think) I can't use my laptop and grammarly on phone is not that great.
Other Reviews
SmilingReader99
SmilingReader99Lv14

OK, so I like the overall idea of this fiction but the Execution of it is just really bad. Please take this review with a grain of salt and read it to the end. CHARACTERS: None of the characters (especially the gods that aren't Hade's siblings) were truly introduced, barely even given any character. Just thrown in here and there with what seemed like little thought. The whole war against Kronos was the best time to flush out the character's of Hades, his siblings and the subordinates. To show their strengths and there weaknesses and how they become estranged to each other. There was barely any banter or conversation between most of these gods before you went straight to conflict. DEVELOPMENT: You could have gone into more detail on basic routines Hades and the other gods did to grow stronger. How Hades guided his few subordinates until they came to trust him. Really just explore a bit of what he could do with all of his powers, or least bring it up in passing. STORY: The first volume of this fiction was horribly rushed but is still the best volume of this fiction. Re-written again and not rushed, it could be a good 40- 50 chapter long read worthy of 5 stars alone. The second volume should be trashed all together. It's like a cluster of half finished short stories that don't give any background information and is loosely tied together. FINAL THOUGHTS: Has a lot of potential and should definitely be re-written. I truly hope with at least some of my criticism in mind, I would love to see this fan fic succeed. Thank you for your time.

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