First of all, what? The fic is very confusing and adding a fast-paced style to it without experience just makes it more confusing, I honestly couldn't follow the story. The characters are honestly bland, not bc they lack personality but bc there isn't any justification as to why they act as they act they just do and that's all To add a cherry on top the grammar isn't great and just adds up to this confusing story
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LIKEHmm I would definitely say you should try improving your grammar, though I can't say too much about it bc Idk how I can help u, I can just recommend grammarly, and to make the story slower try adding more background to the characters and adding more interactions that should kinda explain what's happening, you could too add some slice-of-life to make the story even slower but this one is up to u (though sometimes it's good to have some)
ok thanks as for grammarly i have it but currently (since about 5 chapters i think) I can't use my laptop and grammarly on phone is not that great.
No prob, the fact that you are trying to improve upon criticism is addimirable not a lot of ppl have what it takes for it, I would like to see what your writing will become since you are trying to improve, have a good day [img=recommend]