webnovel
Stud222
Stud222Lv12yr
2022-08-07 01:08

First of all first few chapters are full of cringe.Like the chapter4 that chapter doesn't make any sense.After that interaction with ino.Naruto flirt with ino was pretty good but there were some cringe moment I bet author is some one recently fall in love xd.System doesn't make any sense at first but author fixed it in later chapter.Fight scene is pretty good.apart from first few chaps latter chapter were good.And what good is author didn't follow canon.In 20-30chap the story turn 180degree at least it is interesting as of now. For the Grammer part First few chaps were horrible.But it gradually become good. FOR interaction between characters well it's not forced apart from chap 4. As of now story is pretty interesting.i am enjoying. From the 1st to 30 anyone can see author improvement.well best of luck .

Reborn as naruto with system

jojojo66
4.5
45 Chs

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Other Reviews
jojojo66
jojojo66Author

The SHAMELESS author here..... 1. First few chapters have many grammatical errors. But it will get good in later chapters 2. At least read 20chap before giving a review :3 3. English is not my first language. so there can be many small mistakes. If you can avoid those mistakes then give this fanfic a chance -.-

2yr

RandomSwordsThief
RandomSwordsThiefLv13

Mah. Branding it as wish fulfillment would be considered an understatement. The MC can buy skills and bloodlines from the system, and gift them to his loved ones. Not my cup of tea.

2yr
Kono_Timoda
Kono_TimodaLv3

Current chapter: 29 Yeah, author come here. Get closer. Closer, *whispers* why did you give a logia devil fruit TO A WORLD THAT HAS NO HAKI!! You probably know this but the MC should literally be untouchable, but not to worry you could have overcome this issue with good execution, great dialog and interesting character integrations, but man, you are bad. Tips: See and don't tell - you don't have to narrate everything the person is doing For lemon scene - too many pronouns, use complex and compound sentences. use descriptive language, disturb how the persons feel physically and emotionally. Don't rush - making love should be passionate, not h*ntai. Pro tip: describe the little things, the little details that shows that the person cares. You passing is too fast in my book, and it doesn't feel like I am reading a gurney, instead I feel like I am reading ideas out of someone's head as they come up with what to say. Last tip: if you have novels that you think are expertly executed and you enjoy the character interaction, the power scaling, they do the fight scenes, the setting, immersion etc. read it again and analyze it. so how he does the dialogs, what does he make the MC say vs what he feels, how does he scribe what the MC is seeing or feeling and the list goes on. Its a lot of work but if you want to get good, you need to do all that. No getting around it.

2yr
Febfew
FebfewLv11

Reveal spoiler

2yr
Daoista7SJC8
Daoista7SJC8Lv1

[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]

2yr
Ezzaldien_s
Ezzaldien_sLv3

More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More

2yr
Gd_Sys
Gd_SysLv4

moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeererreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeererreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeererreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2yr
_GoldenKing_
_GoldenKing_Lv5

This is really promising! I look forward to the full story 'till the end and without the author dropping it! .

2yr
Jordi_Hardiansyah
Jordi_HardiansyahLv1

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

11mth
ANANTA
ANANTALv4

No need to write anything for it's good!

2yr
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