Current chapter: 29
Yeah, author come here. Get closer. Closer, *whispers* why did you give a logia devil fruit TO A WORLD THAT HAS NO HAKI!! You probably know this but the MC should literally be untouchable, but not to worry you could have overcome this issue with good execution, great dialog and interesting character integrations, but man, you are bad.
Tips:
See and don't tell - you don't have to narrate everything the person is doing
For lemon scene - too many pronouns, use complex and compound sentences. use descriptive language, disturb how the persons feel physically and emotionally. Don't rush - making love should be passionate, not h*ntai. Pro tip: describe the little things, the little details that shows that the person cares.
You passing is too fast in my book, and it doesn't feel like I am reading a gurney, instead I feel like I am reading ideas out of someone's head as they come up with what to say.
Last tip: if you have novels that you think are expertly executed and you enjoy the character interaction, the power scaling, they do the fight scenes, the setting, immersion etc. read it again and analyze it. so how he does the dialogs, what does he make the MC say vs what he feels, how does he scribe what the MC is seeing or feeling and the list goes on. Its a lot of work but if you want to get good, you need to do all that. No getting around it.
