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Jojo26032908
Jojo26032908Lv12yr
2023-02-25 20:06

True review part 2 Against my better judgement I continued reading. Lo and behold it actually improved from 6/10 to 7/10 and I got caught in a binge. Most of the flaws are in the first 60 chapters. After having post nut clarity of finishing the binge, I thought yeah I enjoyed it...but is this really One Piece? Where's the whacky adventure, why is the story compressed into one year of rushing to put out fires, brief conversations before moving to training. Some slice of life would greatly improve the story. To be fair, I like the redeemed Akainu, no harem gang and Robin ship. Here are some more of those first third of the story flaws: "He wasn't goint to be selling out Luffy anytime soon. He wanted the straw hat wearing pirate to appear at Marineford." Pointless thought, he won't be selling him out ever. "Sure!Let's go." The two of them started heading for the first level almost instantly What's the point of "almost instantly", write they went for the first level, no pointless adjectives. "She simply scoffed and turned around." "Enel simply cleched his fist" "grabbing a newspaper with his earlobes and randomly skimming trough" "Enel simply stood up" "Enel simply scowled" "Enel simply winced" "Enel simply advised" "Bonney randomly sat down" "Enel's arm had stopped rubbing her back randomly" "Bonney simply scowled" "simply sighed" Author should stop adding "simply" and "randomly" and "without any issue" for no reason. I don't believe Marines would be foolish enough to give Enel all the training he wants before he proved his loyalty trough service. Anyone can get a few bounties, show up for training and then go become a pirate or revolutionary. Enel' postponing his leadership duties was definitely not sus... "he sunk a few pirate ships out of boredom" Didn't Enel consider whether he is in the right to kill pirates with unkown crimes? For all he knows he might be killing the likes of Straw Hats. Sure it's a safe bet that pirates are evil, but some of them could be petty criminals or adventurers who don't wanna be bothered by the opressive government. Dafuq is with lighnting leaving holes in the sea that start whirlpools? Lightning doesn't do that no matter how strong. What radiation from lightning plasma? Author really doesn't get physics. Enel had to wait for books at Baltigo. How does that make sense, the should have at least some theological books at hand, especially in that massive library. "If he was here for a fight he would've already done something..." Everytime Enel meets a potential enemy/neutral party. Show, don't tell. Daijobu prophecy - Enel believed he could do whatever he wanted and Luffy will have plot armor. That's a stupid assumption.

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VashuRajput269
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It's amazing how fanfiction authors can still screw up a story even though they have a complete world and character list that they can copy and take inspiration from the original. You literally have a huge world that you can use for your story but you shrunk it down and half assed it because either you're lazy or you really don't care or try writing a serious story. Lets also not forget how bad of a character you made Enel turn out to be and how overpowered he is. You made any and all forms of conflict obsolete simply because Enel can probably just beat and kill everyone in the story. The characters have had hardly any interactions between each other and there is not depth to any character so far and if there is you did a poor job at it. Simply put, the characters are boring, hollow dolls that I don't care to remember about. The plot is pretty much nonexistent. I truly don't know what or if there are any kind of story being told here. Some nobody gets reborn as Enel. We don't get any sort of development for him so we can't like or care for the character. Not just him(but mostly him) we don't have any plot or story or any details for anything thats going on. You just created some characters and threw them into a poorly made one piece world. I dont know what the goal and motivations of the character are. Whether he has dreams, likes, dislikes, you know core things that make people feel alive? tldr- Nobody gets reborn as Enel in one piece then proceeds to train... and find even better ways to train... Thats it. No one expects fanfiction to be good and your story can be added to the pile of mediocre fics that prove even more that fanfiction authors dont know what they are doing and clearly need to respect the world more. At least your story doesnt have the typical harem, where every girl falls for mc... or it? Wouldnt suprise me if you start thinking with your lower half and turn this into another pokemon collector.

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