webnovel
Ahsodeska29
Ahsodeska29Lv157mth
2024-08-07 11:18

The storyline and character development were great and you can actuslly feel the feelings of the characters. I reslly enjoyed reading your novel. However, frequent grammar mistakes have become tripping points or stumbling blocks that hinder your reader from following your flow of your story. May I suggest that you get a native English speaker to help you edit this. So that your English reader will totally enjoy your story without constantly correcting the grammar or idiom usage in some of your paragraphs. Keep on writing. You have potential. Let your creativity and imagination flow. I anticipate your next novel. Please note : Your English translator of your novel should not be your English language editor of your work. This will ensure a better quality and a steadier reading flow. Good Luck and Happy Writing!

Liked it!

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
8oni
8oniLv14
FosterK_10
FosterK_10Lv14
Janilse_Furtado
Janilse_FurtadoLv4
Related Stories

Captured By The Cold Detective (BL)

[CRIME/OMEGAVERSE] Was it possible for the devil to get his own happy ending? A major accident seven years ago had stolen He Juan’s memory away from him, wiping it so clean that the only things he were left with were only his name, numerous scars all over his body and a nasty side effect as a result of the aftermath. Seven years passed by and when He Juan thought he could live like a normal person again, a fateful day led him to be the prime suspect of the murder case of his neighbor who had written his name as her dying message — whom, in his defense, he had not even talked to! It was then that he met Mu Yuze, the lone wolf of the Violent Crime Investigation Unit; the cold, intimidating man with beautiful and intense midnight blue eyes who seemed to hate him at first sight for some reason He Juan couldn’t comprehend. One after another, bizarre cases intruded on He Juan's normal life and turned it upside down, bringing light to a dusty past he thought he could never remember again. In the end, he had to learn that even if he had forgotten who he once was… there were still some sins he had to atone. *** Gentle, klutzy and smiling Alpha whom nobody dares to offend for some mysterious reason x cold, possessive and cinnamon roll Omega (maybe a little yandere here and there) Additional tags: top/gong/seme protagonist, action, case-solving, organized crime, thriller, gore, slice of life, tragedy, detectives, disabled characters, murders, teamwork, investigation, yaoi, mature, past plays a big part, 1 vs 1, love interest falls in love first Find me on: Instagram: delanasiwarka Discord: delanasiwarka#1490 Discord server: bit.ly/delanadiscord

delanasiwarka · LGBT+
4.8
734 Chs

Red Blossom System (BL)

Completed. “Flowers grow back, even after they are stepped on, and so will I.”  For over a millennium, Cillian had shouldered the role of a guardian, or as he would jest, a glorified gardener. In his recollection, he'd emerged in an endless expanse known as Blossom Central, his memory a mere fragment with only his name. He was bound to the Red Blossom system Bloom, where an annoying flying entity named Bliss, the personification of Bloom, materialized as his assistant. Cillian's duty centered on nurturing the Red Blossom trees and safeguarding the cherries from falling. Each Red Blossom tree represented a distinct world, relying on his care to prosper. One day, Bliss mustered the courage to disrupt Cillian's nap despite knowing it could be risky. But he had a compelling reason – numerous Red Blossom trees had lost their cherries, a situation that had never occurred before. The fallen cherries meant that the worlds connected to those trees were in danger of collapsing. It was all because a mortal's destiny had been altered. To prevent the impending calamity, they needed to restore that mortal's fate to its rightful course. --------------------------- Cillian, desperation etched across his face, pushed the man atop him, pleading, "Please, enough, I can't take it anymore." The man swiftly reclaimed his position, his lips trailing along Cillian's Adam's apple. He whispered sensually, "We're just getting started; I'm not finished playing with you." Internally, Cillian urgently reached out to Bliss: *Bliss, get your ass over here!* *Yes, Master?* *Who the hell is this man, and why does he persistently follow me from world to world?* Bliss responded with feigned innocence, *I truly have no idea, Master.* Cillian issued a dire threat, *Tell me what you're keeping from me.* Before Bliss could utter a word, the man's lips descended upon his own with a hunger. Their tongues intertwined, and he emphasized dominantly, "I've told you, darling, don't address me as anything other than Gege." Cillian was on the verge of tears. Stuck in Blossom Central, he'd always harbored disdain for his circumstances, but now he was relentlessly pursued by this shameless, tofu-eating stranger who insisted on being called Gege. Like a fool, he thought he would get to play with Alterers, but he's the one getting played with over and over again... Arc 01: Abo (17 Chapters)✔ Arc 02: Vampire (20 Chapters)✔ Arc 03: Celebrity (17 Chapters)✔ Arc 04: Mafia (21 Chapters)✔ Arc 05: Piano Virtuoso (18 Chapters)✔ Arc 06: Ancient Era (17 Chapters)✔ Arc 07: Future Era, Final Arc (39 Chapters)✔

TheEmpressNing · LGBT+
4.9
150 Chs

Second Take On Romance - The A-List Actor Wants Me

One sunny day, Shen Jingwei, a Z-list actor, received an opportunity to attend an open-call audition the very next day. It was for the role of an antagonist in a new BL C-Drama, "Dance Of The Dragons", which was adapted from a novel of the same title. He agreed to join the audition due to several factors, among which his manager's threat to jump off the 20th floor, his dire need for money, and also the fact that his rank in the film industry could not go any lower. One look at the panel of judges made him want to turn on his heel to leave, but it was all too late. Because who would expect the poor Z-List actor to meet his mortal enemy/ex-boyfriend, Yan Renzhong, the A-List Actor responsible for his decline long before he even learned how to fly? ------------------ "You and I... are playing a couple of lovers, who will go on to get married and have children with each other." Shen Jingwei could sense blood coming up his throat. What was the point of saying it out loud, again? "Yes," he forced himself to agree nonetheless. Yan Renzhong pinned him with a stare. "We have unresolved issues from the past. I hope you won't let them affect your and my performance in the drama. Act the professional you are supposed to be." "..." "And don't call me 'Emperor Yan' anymore." Yan Renzhong left after delivering one blow after another, not even waiting to see if Shen Jingwei succumbed to his injuries or not. What? Whattt? Whattttttttt?

Lu_Shui · LGBT+
4.1
315 Chs

My Mage System (BL)

He had been the best assassin of all time in his world and when he was finally killed, a goddess took the opportunity to send his soul into the body of a boy in another world who was weak for now but who was destined to become the most powerful mage of this world. This young boy was called Kevin and he decided to take his identity as he had kept his memories. The only thing he had in common with him was that they were both orphans, but Kevin had a weak mind and a weak body, in short, everything he hated the most. After successfully entering the Sun Sect as a mage, he managed to open the book Kevin had inherited from his parents and which he had been unable to open. What was his surprise when he realized that this book had turned into a System that allowed him to level up like in the virtual reality games he used to play in his home world. With the help of this System he will fufill his wish, he will become the most powerful humans of this world, not even shapeshifters or demons will be able to do anything to him. ………… Kevin turned his head towards him and seeing that he was still naked he said, looking away again : "Get dressed first, then we'll talk." Axel found some clothes that looked loose and put them on right away, he also took a pair of daggers whose blades were just a little shorter than his forearms, and he then approached Kevin and hugged him from behind. Kevin let him doing whatever he wanted, even though one of his daggers was now very close to his throat, Axel said to him close to his ear : "I want to trust you Kevin, so give me a good reason to." Kevin then asked him : "What do you want to know ?" Axel sighed, threatening Kevin with his own daggers won't do him any good, and he risked breaking the bond they were just making. He then took a decision and planted the two daggers in the ground in front of them, he ran his hands under Kevin's sweater and circled his waist with them, pressing him more against him. Kevin hadn't expected this turn of event and he felt his heartbeat quicken. Axel's hands were warm and he could feel his huge erection against him, one thing was sure, it was that he didn't let him indifferent. …………. WARNING this is not a slowburn romance and it's a R18 BL novel with lots spicy scenes so if you like reading 100 chapters before the mc and ml kiss for the first time just skip this story it's definitely not for you Otherwise, follow the adventures of our two heroes, if you love worlds filled with mysterious creatures, magic, fights, dungeons, a System that allows you to level up quickly, and a unique and powerful love story then this story is for you. ……………. If you like this story give a try to my other novels : The Divine Mage System The Celestial Phoenix and His Guardian (BL) Reincarnated to save the universe (GL/BL) New Update : Sunday/Monday/Wednesday/Friday/Saturday Enjoy your reading time and don’t forget to vote, to comment, and to review :)  

CeliaNaya · LGBT+
4.8
710 Chs

(BL)Alpha Made

The world is diverse and flourishing. Humanity has changed, and with it, brought in a new era of prosperity. Males and females still exist, but the spectrum from which humanity is cast has broadened. With the introduction of alpha, omega, and beta, humanity has evolved even further. In such a word, Dr. Andrew Knox, known environmental researcher, is happy being a beta male. It has made his life easier by being middle ground, and as much as some wish he was one way or the other, he’s happy being who he is. Thriving even. He works in a world renowned research facility. He makes friends easily, and his projects are always funded. He even found someone who he thinks he could end up marrying if things continue in the right direction. That, and the vacant house next to his apartment building gets bought by a new neighbour. A cute, but cautious omega who relies on Andrew as a beta for help. Andrew couldn’t be happier. He loves being a helper, and loves when people rely on him. All in all, Andrew really thinks he has everything made. That is, until a research project with shoddy data is thrown back into his face that he has no recollection of working on, and all of his reputation disintegrates in between one heartbeat and the next. Heartbroken, it isn’t until Andrew wakes up, chained to a wall that everything becomes clear. He becomes a test subject to one of the scientists that he trusted. That he expected would never harm him. The life he had known, where he was a respected researcher was ripped out from underneath him. His identity and everything he’s ever known is stolen from him from a crazed researcher who he had trusted, maybe even loved. He has to relearn who he is, what he is, from scratch. Thankfully, he has one person in his corner. He just never expected to have to rely on someone whose shoulders were so small. This is an a/b/o story, and will have those tropes associated with it. I hope you enjoy :)

CalyB · LGBT+
4.1
218 Chs

Reincarnated into a Hell Hound - BL/Yaoi

Once I woke up I discovered that my limbs ended in paws, and that my ears could move about, for my new form is that of a dog! But not only that, I soon realize that there is nothing simple in this new world full of magic, for my true species is that of a hell hound, a creature made of fire and shadow that could stir fear at those who dared approach! Or well… the definition of being scary looking is at least suitable for me, proud and powerful as I’m, as for my brother… sigh, what can I say at such dumb creature who loves chewing at my ears?! Not only do I have to survive in this strange world with this strange body, but have to keep my brother out of trouble! At least, for better or for worse, we won’t be alone for long after crossing the path of two clingy elves and- no, wait, hold on, where do you think those hands are? Stop touching my brother you pervert elf! Come back here! And you, stop touching me too, let me teach them a lesson oi! Sigh, I’m surrounded by troublesome guys! …Well, at least they are to die for…no, I mean, scram! ~~~~~ ML: You are so cute when you are angry. MC: C-c-c-cute?! I’ll show you how cute I’m! I’ll bite your ankles! ML: But I have made food for you… MC:… MC:Ok, I can beat you later, but why is your hand on my tail oi?! ML:*chuckles* ~~Warning~~ Mature content, including gore, explicit smut, swearing, relationship between men. ~~~~~ Thank you and I hope you enjoy it! *wink wink* ۹(ÒہÓ)۶

VCris · LGBT+
4.6
155 Chs