(For author) Ok so here is my review, so far the story is going well and I like the direction (Author) is trying to take the story but it is missing 2 things that could really turn it into a good fanfiction. N1: your story is missing POVs, without the point of view of other characters, the impact ur MC has on the world becomes extremely less because we wouldn't know the reaction of other characters, making us feel like we are reading a script of sort. MC is was 7-8 and could already beat pre-cannon Shanks and we don't even know how he dealt with the fact a child could beat him not to mention how this child is the child of his former captain but also some how could use his father's skills in an exact manner. the story lacks in depth plots that could spice it up, I mean Garp fought Roger for years but he didn't even question how MC could use Roger's techniques or who taught him? How is Ace functioning regarding the fact that his twin whom he grew up with was so much stronger than himself, how is he really feeling about the situation, does he drown in doubt in potentially being in his brother's shadow or will he over come it and come out stronger, how has MC's presence effected him and those from cannon. these are some of the questions that could be highlighted if u in put POVs of other characters in the story. . . . N2: MC has no goal, don't get me wrong he did say he wanted to be the strongest but what is he getting so strong for? survival? ok, but is that really all there is to the whole story? I understand the it is very early in the story but this route of being at the top for MCs is overused and not unique, if u wish to create an enchanting story, give ur MC a meaningful goal he can strive for, strength is already assured from the get go but if he were to have a lofty goal like overthrowing the government, establishing a powerbase of his own that could rival the navy or downright change the navy and getting them from under the gov's hands, readers would be drawn in to see how mc would achieve such a goal, we'd feel like we are a part of something while reading the story otherwise if MC's only goal is adventure it will be no different than a wish fulfilment.
Liked by 66 people
LIKE
Thanks for review I will try to consider it in the future
Writing multiple PoV's is unnecessary so long as your narrator is doing a good jobs conveying his observations and feelings about the situations around him. Having your MC speculate about the consequences of hos actions rather than switching PoV and showing it allows for you to build up some mystery and ambiguity you can play with later, by either surprising your MC with his wrong assumptions or confirming that all has been according to keikaku. Having an MC with goals is the absolute bare minimum of competent character writing. You also need to establish an over arcing ethos and I recommend avoiding a trite goal and ethos. A good person who will get his hands dirty when necessary and wants to be the strongest to protect his special people is the absolute lowest form of protagonist.
End_boss:Thanks for review I will try to consider it in the future
7-8 year old beat pre cannon Shanks? :/ thanks for the heads up
nah bro u should really read it, it will make sense how it was possible and u will enjoy it. this is years before cannon so shanks at this time wasn't even an admiral level. I don't want to spoil it for u but MC's increase in strength is not too fast and not too slow, so u don't have to worry about his strength making the story dull or boring.
DaoistyQNGiX:7-8 year old beat pre cannon Shanks? :/ thanks for the heads up
true, but we as readers also need to see or rather feel the reactions people have due to MC's actions, without povs it will be really hard for a new writer to really draw those kinds of emotions from the readers.
JManM:Writing multiple PoV's is unnecessary so long as your narrator is doing a good jobs conveying his observations and feelings about the situations around him. Having your MC speculate about the consequences of hos actions rather than switching PoV and showing it allows for you to build up some mystery and ambiguity you can play with later, by either surprising your MC with his wrong assumptions or confirming that all has been according to keikaku. Having an MC with goals is the absolute bare minimum of competent character writing. You also need to establish an over arcing ethos and I recommend avoiding a trite goal and ethos. A good person who will get his hands dirty when necessary and wants to be the strongest to protect his special people is the absolute lowest form of protagonist.
ya me desanime a leerlo, pero la puntuacion me hace dudar a intentar.
you do realize that pre canon Shanks is admiral lvl already. That's why Whitebeard was surprised when he saw Shanks missing an arm.
Rk6T:nah bro u should really read it, it will make sense how it was possible and u will enjoy it. this is years before cannon so shanks at this time wasn't even an admiral level. I don't want to spoil it for u but MC's increase in strength is not too fast and not too slow, so u don't have to worry about his strength making the story dull or boring.
Not a chance lol I hate OP baby or little kid stories and that is exactly what this is… idk how anyone can enjoy a story like that where a 7/8 year old can beat Shanks. But I guess there are people that enjoy OP little kid or baby stories.
Rk6T:nah bro u should really read it, it will make sense how it was possible and u will enjoy it. this is years before cannon so shanks at this time wasn't even an admiral level. I don't want to spoil it for u but MC's increase in strength is not too fast and not too slow, so u don't have to worry about his strength making the story dull or boring.
