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AnaamDaoistLv141yr
2023-03-24 15:25

Reading up to Ch22, it is hard to read. The situation changes are abrupt. Sometimes time would pass suddenly without indication - in one paragraph it is one date, and next, it is suddenly the future. Sometimes the PoV would change abruptly. The living conditions, his location, there is no smooth transition. I have had to re-read the passages to infer things. The relationships he has (he has only 2) are unclear. The only thing that is clear is that world is strong eat the weak and he is very weak. An example, in ch22 he has some people collected outside his house (probably). There is no clear indication if they are grouped outside his door, you can infer but it is confusing. It needs some serious editing.

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Aurora_RyanAuthor

Okay I'll do something about it

Pendulum_Lv12

Please give mine a try, some feedback would be nice Name: Reincarnation of the Cross

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