While the premise was fairly decent, the writing needs to be changed quite a bit. The character dialogues needs to be in separate sentences sometimes. What you did here just made everything feel cramped and cold to read. I'll take a paragraph from your novel as an example here; ----------------------------------------------------------------------------Alright, open the gates. The commander wanted to meet him", Rex ordered. "Yes sir!" one of the guards took out a key from his pocket before unlocking the metal door. The sounds of the metal door opening reverberated across the hallway. "We'll go in now. Close the door after", said the white-haired man. "Yes commander. Good luck!" said both of the guards simultaneously as they watched both Rex and the white-haired man walked inside. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'll continue my review in the comment for this review
Liked by 9 people
LIKEIn that paragraph, you could find quite a bit of errors, errors that just grates on the nerves of those who are more attentive to details when it comes to reading. Here's what I think would be a better paragraph; ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Open the gate, the commander wants to meet him", ordered Rex. "Yes, sir!" One of the guards took a key from his pocket and opened the door. The sound of creaking metal reverberated across the hallway. "We'll be going in now. Close the door afterwards", said the white-haired man. "Yes commander, good luck" said both of the guards as they watched them walk inside. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- See the problem? It's hard to explain with text but that's basically what happened. You are lacking a bit in grammar and in terms of spacing and style of writing.
It's rare to find someone who try to help, that's nice.
really nice , comments like this extremely rare
