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Alex1911
Alex1911Lv63yr
2021-01-31 03:53

It's a really interesting story but it's really difficult to read some time. First, the MC has a crippling depression and it got mention all the time, like the author is trying to rub it in the reader face, it's really annoying. Second, That b*tch Oliva(an OC) ask the MC how he can run faster than her and keep pestering the MC to train her just because because of that, his rank is higher isn't that common sense that he's better? She act like a b*tch and keep demanding it like he own her money or something, that development is ridiculously force. The author keep saying he has plan for that but until we get to that point readers patient would probably ran out. I even wonder if the author plan to make her a love interest. Third, the MC action is inconsistence, one moment, he kind of gave in to that b*tch Oliva and agree to train her other moment he act like an edge lord and ignore other opinion of himself ( his use of language is consider rude in Korea I think? he doesn't give a cr*p despite other telling him about it, there's a saying in Rome do as the Roman do and he say he doesn't want to stand out).

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Replies6
dvelasquez
dvelasquezAuthor

Thanks for the feedback, man! I'll try to correct a few of the things you mention in the future! About the crippling depression, it stops after ten chapters or so. Apart from that, well, xD I'm trying to tone down the cursing (not taking it out, as it's still a quirk from him, albeit a bad one) And a few other things. Thanks for reading! Any future feedback would be appreciated!

Alex1911
Alex1911Lv6

Also, I think your MC is too much of a drama queen, sometime, majority of the chapter is just him complain about this and that or cursing at thing, it's a bit too much. Also the cursing part, it's a bad quirk of the MC is understandable but I find that other character in your novel like to curse a lot too, it's a bit unreasonable I think.

dvelasquez:Thanks for the feedback, man! I'll try to correct a few of the things you mention in the future! About the crippling depression, it stops after ten chapters or so. Apart from that, well, xD I'm trying to tone down the cursing (not taking it out, as it's still a quirk from him, albeit a bad one) And a few other things. Thanks for reading! Any future feedback would be appreciated!
dvelasquez
dvelasquezAuthor

Thanks, man! I'm trying to tone the curse down a little bit. Mm... Of the ones that actually curse a lot, they're just Olivia, my MC and if I'm not mistaken, the intelligent "monsters". Apart from that, the rest of the characters don't curse, or if they do, that's part of their original character (from the original novel). Thanks for reading!

Alex1911:Also, I think your MC is too much of a drama queen, sometime, majority of the chapter is just him complain about this and that or cursing at thing, it's a bit too much. Also the cursing part, it's a bad quirk of the MC is understandable but I find that other character in your novel like to curse a lot too, it's a bit unreasonable I think.
Alex1911
Alex1911Lv6

Yeah, them but if all the OC that's going to appear will end up cursing like that then I guess it's a bit weird?

dvelasquez:Thanks, man! I'm trying to tone the curse down a little bit. Mm... Of the ones that actually curse a lot, they're just Olivia, my MC and if I'm not mistaken, the intelligent "monsters". Apart from that, the rest of the characters don't curse, or if they do, that's part of their original character (from the original novel). Thanks for reading!
dvelasquez
dvelasquezAuthor

Nope, not all of the OC are cursing, Mark is also an OC and he doesn't curse, the same with Fran or most of the kids of the orphanage (Anne and Antonio just like to bicker between themselves like brother and sister almost usually do xD), and Park Min-Ho is the typical idiot that doesn't curse, but acts like he's too much, though, I'm not sure if I'm making it good with that character, as it's pretty much just thug A and doesn't appear much.

Alex1911:Yeah, them but if all the OC that's going to appear will end up cursing like that then I guess it's a bit weird?
DaoistayFCqu
DaoistayFCquLv1

This extra is very promising, would explain a lot of gap left, for example, FIRST the death of Nayun's brother by having a seed of one of the devildoes not imply to say that he dies but that could return in another body in the future so this work could prevent his death only by killing when the devil is born being only able is Chris with his power of a dragon god, according to the list has 80 can go to the worlds to kill each, third Hajin loves the Boss, I'm sorry for Nayun hahahh...

Other Reviews
lJeDl
lJeDlLv1

It ain't that bad, if you can ignore all the cursing and edgy stuff. My problem with the cursing is that there's too much of it, I myself curse daily but not to the extent that every sentence I say contains cursing, basically the MC sounds like a brat who just learned swear words. Another thing I didn't like is the MC being too edgy and a prick all the time, like if my friend just says for me to do things all the time and that if I complain one bit he will get angry at me and says for me to 'just get on with it and do it!', I will probably punch him in the goddamn face. Another thing is that this fanfic is basically a wish fulfillment, Why do I say this? well first of all the MC is too fukin' strong! unnecessarily at that, like you can just give him a powerful gift but no... you just had to give him another type of power that doesn't belong to that world, Why?! One more is that the MC is basically a retard, he wants to lay low but he answered almost all the questions correctly, I mean come on buddy that's just a retarded move! if you want to lay low just answer 40-50% of the questions! This is also one of the reasons I hate some novels who has MCs laying low but does it in a retarded manner EX: Guy wants to lay low so that he doesn't get noticed, does a physical exam(running) and stays in the middle but after the exam he didn't even pretend to be exhausted while everyone else was panting from exhaustion, like dude! of course your ganna get fucking noticed! Well enough of that, apart from those things it is pretty good, also please don't write anymore singing its horrible. here's a gif of what I think of the fanfic

The_Almighty_Lord
The_Almighty_LordLv5
Reevoo
ReevooLv11

Author seems to understand Novel's Extra quite well, so I was excited for this even though the grammar was nothing to praise. However... it went downhill fast. (FULL OF SPOILERS BELOW) Some things that really bother me are, - The MC curses all the time. Like... In almost every conversation he has, he's going to curse. It just honestly results in an off-putting MC that has a small vocabulary who can't speak without feeling like he's superior to everyone else. - Out of nowhere, we get some real chunni shit dumped into the back story of the MC that becomes his extra powers in this world. Some weird, cringe dragon stuff. He also has other power systems other than mana... that add nothing special to the story. Just another way of making the MC OP. Any enjoyment we could have gotten out of someone using their meta-knowledge to get stronger is instantly taken away as the MC is already one of the strongest in the world... while also at school and doing nothing other than cursing other people out. - Progress is slow. Now, that usually means we see character development with other characters and with the MC, but like I said before, he spends most of his time cursing out other characters and saying the same shit 10 chapters in a row to this OC archer girl. ... However, the banter between the MC and Kim Hajin is actually really good. Even though he starts pushing for character growth from Hajin even though its only been like 3 days... C'mon. Anyway, it's not horrible, but I feel this should be used as a draft for the author to rewrite it without the shitty out of nowhere power up, tone down the cursing and increase the pace of the story.

WiLeYBiGhEaD
WiLeYBiGhEaDLv12

This novel is harder to review for me. When the dialogue between the mc and most of the other characters is happening, the story is enjoyable and immersive. The focus on including lots of character development through dialogue is a strong point of this story. I also think that the portrayal of characters from the world is done well, as they do not feel totally different from the original novel. The world building could use some improvements. It is there but some more introductions to the power scaling and important characters in the world would help. A lot of the time things are introduced but only in name and without context. The pacing is also consistent but could be faster(cutting out olivia alone would have things moving faster). But other times, some sections are inconsistent, feeling forced, lengthy and not flowing with the rest of the story. This mainly happens with the mc’s interactions with the oc character Olivia. I held off on commenting about this in the early chapters and even deleted a comment as the author stated they were trying to inprove things. And while they do improve, it is not enough and still lacks believablility. Olivia is like Sansa Stark in game of thrones in that she doesnt add anything to the story. She constantly anatagonizes the mc, needs help from the mc, and almost every interaction the mc has with her doesn’t fit with how is his character is portrayed in the rest of the story. No one in the story frustrates, angers, or crosses the mcs boundries more than her, but he never acts according to those feelings aside from yelling at her. But he still helps her more than anyone else, even Kim hajun. I have seen friends in toxic relationships(romantic or otherwise) like this and it is frustrating to read when the mc is portrayed as someone who would never put up with this but continously does. After 40 or so chapters the reason for his patience was given as she reminded him of himself, but it is far from enough to explain his inconsistent character. In my personal opinion, Olivia, like Sansa Stark, could have been removed from the story and nothing would be different. In fact it would probably improve the pacing of the story. I wont touch on the excessive cursing, but it is indeed excessive. Overall, I have hope for this story. It is unique and ambitious. The good quality grammer and spelling compared to other fanfics shows the authors care for this work. I really dont like olivia and the mcs interactions with her. I also worry that the author is being to ambitious with the over complicated backstory. But i do like how the backstory actually has meaning and isnt just there to elicit sympathy. In summation, there is some good, some frustrating and a lot of potential. Above average for now but could be much higher and i hope it keeps improving.

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TheFanficGod · Book&Literature
4.6
289 Chs