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Swisstoast
SwisstoastLv114yr
2021-01-16 03:31

Read up to chap. 7. Love it so far, Only thing is knocked 1 star off writing due to putting "Kim:" or "Me:" in front of the dialogue instead of writing something like "Kim yells to me" or "I whispered to Kim" or something similar. I know it's probably so readers don't get confused who's speaking if there are more than 3 people, but it makes it read more like a screenplay or a script rather than a fiction story. Anyway, if you work on that aspect it'd be perfect.

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PopPop
PopPopAuthor

Ehh, it's more for my benefit than the readers since I'm not trying to be a writer. xD. Making out this story helps to alleviate my boredom while I wait for my favorite stories to update. And if there are other bored people who want to read, then even better! :)

Swisstoast
SwisstoastLv11

That's fine. It's a minor point anyway that won't really stop me from reading. Just thought I should explain it as it's the reason I took off a star since it's something similar that's only used in scripts/screenplays.

PopPop:Ehh, it's more for my benefit than the readers since I'm not trying to be a writer. xD. Making out this story helps to alleviate my boredom while I wait for my favorite stories to update. And if there are other bored people who want to read, then even better! :)
PopPop
PopPopAuthor

Ch. 22 is your fault. Curses to you!!

Swisstoast:That's fine. It's a minor point anyway that won't really stop me from reading. Just thought I should explain it as it's the reason I took off a star since it's something similar that's only used in scripts/screenplays.
Swisstoast
SwisstoastLv11

I'll take all the curses you give if it leads to the author improving in their writing, even if it's just breaking a bad writing habit. [img=recommend]

PopPop:Ch. 22 is your fault. Curses to you!!
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Other Reviews
Professor_Zzyzx
Professor_ZzyzxLv3

Dioseethis
DioseethisLv6

I don't want others to be like me thinking this is might actually be a decent read. It's not. It's pretty f*cking garbage. If you're looking for a decent Kim possible fanfic go read something else this isn't it. Don't be fooled by the good reviews as they most give it a five because of an idea of Kim possible harem fic. Even I should not have trusted this horny people. Review: Writing quality- it's pretty decent for a fanfic. Few grammar errors here and there and most of the time the dialogue is quite cringe but still decent nonetheless, for a fanfic. Can be easily fix with few edits and better dialogue. Story development- its pretty sh*t. The pacing is quite weird as it jump from one place to another without rhyme or reason. It can be quite confusing at times. And the author is doing the most no no thing as an author, telling not showing. Most of the adventures are just briefly mentioned even though it's one of the thing that made Kim possible great. Remember SHOW DON'T TELL. Characters is thrown in or out without explanation or story behind them. That's boring and an example of what an author shouldn't do. Character design- it's quite insulting honestly. Most characters are the p*rn version of themselves so they are horny sl*ts. You'd think that's a good thing but the smut is lackluster and can't really save this fic. If you like the original Kim possible characters then you'll probably be insulted by how they're portrayed here. Updating stability- doesn't update everyday but still alright. World Background- I'm pretty sure the author is jacking off to Kim possible p*rno when he thought of this fanfic. This is not a Kim possible fanfic, this is a Kim possible P*RNO fanfic. You'd think that's quite hot but the smut is so boring I couldn't get a hard on. If you're looking for a smut Kim possible I suggest you look for something else cause you'll just be disappointed. Every character is a sl*t one way or another and the author doesn't really build the world so in this aspect is pretty garbage too. I wouldn't be surprised if the author decided to cuck Ron, oh wait he did already. *SPOILER* Bonnie and Tara is in a relationship before they have a relationship with Ron and they still are even now that they're in a relationship with Ron(even though Bonnie love Ron since they were child and Ron love her, basically Tara got first) . This is not a harem this is an open relationship. I repeat, THAT IS NOT A HAREM THAT IS AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP. Too many people mistake that sh*t. Tlrd: if you're looking for a decent Kim possible fanfic this isn't it. But if you want garbage pacing, characterization, and plot with a dose of a poorly written smut then this book is for you. It's a shame really, the first few chapters are actually decent and has thought put into it but then it became more and more mess up and started sh*tting on the original beloved cartoon. Let's hope the author don't delete this review so that the others will know what they are signing up for.

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