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Review Detail of PBOM2004 in Leveling System in Apocalypse World

Review detail

PBOM2004
PBOM2004Author3yrPBOM2004

This is my second review of my story, I have manage to know the reason why many readers dislike this story so I have to clear a misunderstanding so that the readers that would read my story would know what type of story this is. Spoilers ahead, Don't read this if you don't want to get spoiled. -------------------- The First Problem, The main problem that I saw in my readers is the System. They hate when the system gives a quest towards the MC with reasonable rewards that would tempt the MC First, The System would give quest to MC. So expect the system to be me(Author) trying to give my MC skills via system. I know that it is not good but bear with me. Second, The System isn't the MC's slave and the MC is not the System's slave. The relationship between them is pretty much normal, The MC worked for the rewards he want to get. Third, The Problem of the second problem. The Readers expect that the MC's system was given by some sort of ROB being or GOD himself but sorry the system didn't come from them. The MC isn't a special guy who save a girl getting hit by a truck, A guy who save the world, A hero, A guy who fought valiantly, And A guy who pathetic which took a god to save him(Via Wishes). My MC is just a person who wants to survive, He had his problems and when he was given power he would change. The System is a sentient powerful being that could bend the universe as its will. The MC is the current contractor of the System, Unlike most of the leveling system which makes the System in it came from some sort of powerful being. My system is the powerful being. It chose the MC as its owner so the MC would be grateful towards it rather than be spiteful since he was given a chance to be Reborn, Time travel, and Get stronger. -------------------- The Second Problem, The First chapter of the story must have the readers be misunderstood that the MC is some kind of idiot but this kind of personality would cease to exist in the later chapters. The First Chapter personality is some kind of a euphoria since the MC discovered that he time travelled back in time. Also with the system it is hard to be not excited. The MC's old life was very trashy so a second chance is basically like a water for a man who was thirsty in the middle of the desert. The Idiot Personality would disappear in the later chapters. -------------------- The Third Problem, It isn't a problem but many readers would asked me one thing. "Is the MC Evil?" My answer is yes, He is not an edgy evil who would destroy the world or make the world as his puppet. He is a tamed evil that would do anything to achieved his goals, Although he would do anything as long as it didn't involved his Love ones. The Reason I put evil in the tags is that the MC would kill people and he would see life as something that can be thrown like trash. He doesn't value the life of other people other than himself and his love one's My MC is a scum, He had an obsession over one girl but I wouldn't call it simping. The Girl that I am mentioning is the Female lead of my story. The MC was saved by the FL during the apocalypse, The both of them got together and survive through the apocalypse together. The FL was chased by powerful people so she didn't want the MC to be hurt by her own problems so she left. The Both of them promised to meet each other in the later years but the Promised disappeared when the FL died. The MC is in the middle of insanity as he was just trying to survive in this world to meet the FL again but fate punch him in the face. The MC didn't commit suicide but he died when he was surrounded by Millions of zombies, because of the rumors that he was a companion of the FL which is true. The MC's acquaintances betrayed him which led to his death. The only person the MC trust was the FL, The story begins in a new timeline and the MC met the younger FL. He was obsessed over her but instead of trying to get to love him, He just waited for the FL to loved him. He turn this obsession to be a goal which makes him harsh to the FL to teach her how to survive on her own. -------------------- The Fourth Problem, The Kingdom building. I heard a reader that a kingdom building would make the MC worked for the people but no. The Kingdom the MC is building is mostly his own created races via gene perfecting or gene editing. So the Kingdom the MC is building isn't a human kingdom but a kingdom that has many types of races like Cat girls, Snake girls, And more this is also vice versa there would be men in it. The MC would be deemed as some sort of a God Emperor of Man(Search it in Warhammer 40k) but with many races on his grasp. He would be seen as a god in the Kingdom building but he is very powerful which was why his own created races thought of him as their god. -------------------- Sorry for the readers that though that he will conquer humanity, He won't bring any human with him other than his love one's who are very powerful. The MC thought of humanity as some sort of complex thing for him. Just like what the MC said in some chapter that I wrote. "Creating a new race is better than humans, The humans will evolve to be a perfect race but I will not babysit them until they reach that day. I could just create cat girls or new races that would only be loyal to me." -------------------- Anyway I hope that the story would fit the taste of my fellow readers

altalt

Leveling System in Apocalypse World

PBOM2004

Liked by 17 people

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Replies15

PBOM2004
PBOM2004AuthorPBOM2004

And English isn't my first language so my Writing is the worst.

PBOM2004
PBOM2004AuthorPBOM2004

And thanks for reading my story.

KingWhite_Sad
KingWhite_SadLv2KingWhite_Sad

você bem que poderia colocar uma família antiga na história, ela poderia se achar a família que controlar o mundo ou do gênero!

PBOM2004
PBOM2004AuthorPBOM2004

Mano, Minha História está em movimento e o mundo inteiro não é controlado por uma família. Existem muitas nações que podem derrubar os atuais Estados Unidos de acordo com minha história, então, nenhuma família líder mundial. O principal antagonista apareceria durante o apocali**e, então levará muitos capítulos, mas considerando que meu MC é mau. Eu não sei como fazer um antagonista mais maligno do que o MC, então o MC provavelmente seria o Antagonista. (Google Tradutor or Google Translater)

KingWhite_Sad:você bem que poderia colocar uma família antiga na história, ela poderia se achar a família que controlar o mundo ou do gênero!
AceTheReader
AceTheReaderLv12AceTheReader

Thanks for the spoiler now i truly can't wait to read it. But I might have to wait for you to release a bit few more chapters cuz 60~ chapters take less a day to finish depends on how long a chapter is so roughly 5-15 hours 🤔? Nice efforts for the explanation and spoilers . Love to see authors interact with readers

ProfessorofCulture
ProfessorofCultureLv14ProfessorofCulture

harem? I'd just hate it if there's cat girls but no harem

Josh1
Josh1Lv3Josh1

is this dropped cuz the author hasnt uploaded in like a weak

PBOM2004
PBOM2004AuthorPBOM2004

This isn't drop, or is it?

Josh1:is this dropped cuz the author hasnt uploaded in like a weak
MrTotoro
MrTotoroLv12MrTotoro

are u serious

PBOM2004:This isn't drop, or is it?
DAOIST_SUPREME
DAOIST_SUPREMELv4DAOIST_SUPREME

Por um segundo pensei que você era brasileiro, mas depois vi Google tradutor embaixo 🤧😕

PBOM2004:Mano, Minha História está em movimento e o mundo inteiro não é controlado por uma família. Existem muitas nações que podem derrubar os atuais Estados Unidos de acordo com minha história, então, nenhuma família líder mundial. O principal antagonista apareceria durante o apocali**e, então levará muitos capítulos, mas considerando que meu MC é mau. Eu não sei como fazer um antagonista mais maligno do que o MC, então o MC provavelmente seria o Antagonista. (Google Tradutor or Google Translater)
DAOIST_SUPREME
DAOIST_SUPREMELv4DAOIST_SUPREME

Mano, tu escreve em português em site/aplicativo da gringa? Kkkkkkkk

KingWhite_Sad:você bem que poderia colocar uma família antiga na história, ela poderia se achar a família que controlar o mundo ou do gênero!
world0first
world0firstLv3world0first

just wanna ask......... did you Fucking just killed gaia....????? I'm gonna have to say this is...... REALLY FUCKING INTERESTING.

Siric
SiricLv10Siric

I liked the review. very detailed.

Zarracki
ZarrackiLv14Zarracki

Idk if anyone else has asked, but have you thought about getting some one to edit? The story has some great structure, but there are parts that are a little clunky or rushed. Fixing sentence structure and word usage can help increase readers to an extent (as you mentioned English not being your first language it's not too difficult get minor translating done on it), however IMO the story structure can be further fleshed out to be cleaner

Evil_Demons_dao
Evil_Demons_daoLv14Evil_Demons_dao

Did you drop it beacuse i Think this had potential;(