webnovel
varean
vareanLv24yr
2020-08-24 14:11

Your synopsis is beautiful, it got me hooked as I read it. I've only read a couple of chapters and it's interesting. I like how realistic the story made me feel. Though there are a few points I'd like to point out, first would be the dialogues. I think there's just too much, it'll be better to add the character's thoughts because it can help us connect with the main character more. Also, the facial expressions for your dialogues need to change up a bit. I'm not a professional writer but those are just a few points that I and some people think that you should work on. Nevertheless, you've created a wonderful plot. I know you'll keep improving as you write so keep up the good work. Keep updating! Your story is promising.

The Forgotten Memories : SHIO KAIBA

SSKV_R3D
4.5
14 Chs

Liked by 1 people

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Replies1
SSKV_R3D
SSKV_R3DAuthor

Thank you for an honest reply, I will surely change that on my future chapters. After finishing my book, I'll be rewriting my previous chapters so that I can change that, thank you :)

4yr
Other Reviews
AteJanz
AteJanzLv3

Reveal spoiler

4yr

RamataMaguiraga
RamataMaguiragaLv3

The book's storyline is developing well in my opinion, but I just felt I as a reader didn't get to see much of the characters thoughts. There's a lot of dialog, I can vouch for that, but I don't feel or understand how the characters feel or think in the different situations. Definitely feel like you can develop the characters stronger! But it's only the begining! I hope to see more of your work! ❤️

4yr
Elise_Aigasaki
Elise_AigasakiLv3

I love how realistic it is that it made me feel as if I'm present in the setting as I read through the lines. The first chapter didn't get me hooked to it, but as I read the following chapters, it piqued my interest and it made me love it. I hope you keep up the good work!

4yr
MrE
MrELv14

great character development characters feel alive descriptions are great writing quality is beyond good updates regular keeps you on the edge love it keep it up

4yr
Volteair
VolteairLv2

This story does a good job of suddenly throwing Shio into this world of chaos, along with the reader as well. There's that gnawing curiosity of what happens next and how everything in this mysterious world functions, and the creatures that inhabit it. There were typos that I noticed often going through, not to mention a repetition of the phrase "Character said with a (BLANK) tone." It definitely needed some switching up, which I am glad to see got changed up in the later chapters, but still was present.

4yr
Ayano_Ann
Ayano_AnnLv2

So one of my favorite things about this book is the mystery! Perfectly customized and with a great note of a thriller👌🏼. I can't wait for the future events and how the story will continue!

4yr
SamsaraWithWords
SamsaraWithWordsLv14

A few chapters in, it starts to kick off. The setting is very interesting, like watching the approach of beautiful thunder clouds in the distance and not knowing whether to run towards or away from them. Nice job author!

4yr
The_Procrastinator
The_ProcrastinatorLv13

Reveal spoiler

4yr
Chuck45Single
Chuck45SingleLv2

I like how the reader gets thrown into the story without any unnecessary explanations! Though I have to admit that the built up is a bit slow for my taste. The plot is super interesting and I'm looking forward to seeing how the book will develop! To the author: Keep working on your craft! Looking forward to future updates.

4yr
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